Hi OP, I hear you! I have a bit of a chequered relationship history (late 40s with 5 failed long term relationships behind me, defining long term as 2 years + and cohabiting for some of it). So maybe I am not the answer to anyone's prayers either! But even so.
Was with my last partner for 4 years - it was an intense relationship - I found him insanely attractive but he was very controlling and difficult, and made me unhappy a lot of the time in various ways.
We finally split about a year ago and I bought my own place. I got back on the apps after a month or two (way too soon, in retrospect) and had absolutely no luck at all - nobody seemed to come close, in terms of attractiveness, to my infuriating, often cruel, but to me still devastatingly physically attractive ex.
I rarely swept right, even more rarely got beyond the chatting stage. When I did go on a date, I usually found them boring and felt a real lack of chemistry. I got quite depressed about it actually, deciding I would never meet another man I was attracted to like I was to my ex, and that perhaps my libido and capacity for desire had completely disappeared.
Then I started chatting on-line with a guy I had met a couple of years ago, once, when on a break from said handsome, controlling ex. Because I got back with said ex, nothing has happened with this guy beyond becoming Facebook friends, but I recalled really fancying him in an intense, physical way when I met him, as well as finding him a really sweet, likeable person.
He lives a long way away so it took ages to arrange a meeting, but the chatting was lovely - loads in common - and my God, when we did meet at last, the desire i felt was so intense it took my breath away! Luckily he seems to feel the same.
We have become FWB as we live too far apart for a serious commitment, and both have kids, jobs etc, so moving isn't on the cards for either of us for the foreseeable future. And actually, I know I am a fair bit of therapy away from being ready for a serious commitment again, after years of my ex's antics and the toll he took. But the friendship, and the benefits, are giving me everything I could need or want in that aspect of my life for now.
But if it wasn't for him, I am certain I would still be hopelessly doom-swiping....
The moral of this story, if it can be said to have one, is that the older we get and the more wounded by past relationships, the choosier we get too, and as a self-protection mechanism that is no bad thing. I see red flags everywhere now - because they pretty much ARE everywhere.
But that doesn't mean there isn't still a guy or two out there who can light your fire, in whatever ways you want them to. They will just take more tracking down. But you'll know them when you find them.
Meanwhile, try to see every swipe left as a valedictory statement of your self-worth and goid judgement, and potential years of misery at the hands of some unsuitable, narcissistic arsehole doged!
Good luck, and may the odds be always in your favour.