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Original poster

Really disappointed by 50th birthday (yesterday)

270 replies

Katherine9 · 23/10/2025 14:32

I didn't want a HUGE fuss but hoped I'd feel a little bit special on the day. DP hadn't known what to buy, so when he asked me a couple of weeks ago, I suggested a necklace or a locket, maybe with my birthstone (this opens up a huge range of options and costs, so I hoped it was a helpful suggestion without being overly demanding, specific or expensive). A few months before that, I'd suggested we go to a murder mystery dinner close to the date of my birthday in a restaurant nearby. I assumed he'd bought the tickets when we discussed it in August.

He'd booked the day of my birthday off work. At 6 am, he got up to let the dogs outside as usual, and came back to bed ranting about a dog going to the toilet on the kitchen floor during the night. This rant lasted about 30 minutes - much longer than it took to clean up - and you'd have thought it was me who'd got up in the middle of the night and shat on the middle of the floor. No mention of my birthday. An hour or so later, we properly woke up again and it was clear any sort of intimacy wasn't happening so I got up and showered. When I came back into the bedroom, he sullenly handed over a 'Forever Friends' birthday card, a bottle of perfume, and explained the necklace hadn't arrived and reviews online said it can take about 6 weeks despite what the company promises. He also asked if I'd booked the murder mystery evening and I said no. Unfortunately, I didn't explain that I assumed he'd done it months ago.

We went out to get breakfast from a burger van, and despite the fact we were passing cash machines en route, he asked if I had the cash to pay. Which I did... and then made my birthday cheesecake and dinner in the evening - without any help. We ate this dinner while he watched GB News (which I hate). Then after, he sat scrolling through his phone and I gave up and went to bed. This morning he was sulky and awkward as he went to work.

Just to make this worse, he made a huge fuss of his 50th birthday earlier this year. I spent a fortune (about £800) and took time off work that was difficult for to manage (he booked the full week off and I'm self-employed). He requested in advance that I book (and pay for) a posh meal and kept saying how important a fiftieth birthday is, so I also felt obliged to buy several expensive presents, which were sat next to the bed when he woke in the morning. I had a card made by Moon Pig which featured lots of photos of him over the years.

So, I'm feeling really sorry for myself and unfortunately, preoccupied with thinking that this reframes the entire relationship.

Bottom line - I've been a mug and he really doesn't give one shit.

OP posts:
KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 23/10/2025 20:15

Adding my voice to the chorus of MNers saying you are worth more than this miserable, tight, lazy man. You sound wise and warm and smart and brave, qualities that will stand you in good stead as you move forward towards brighter things. You’ve got an army of online pals cheering you on.

Loyalwomansfriend · 23/10/2025 20:15

I left my husband just before my 50th so it was a non - event but much improved by not being with him. My 51st was wonderful - I hope yours will be too. Happy Birthday! You are worth better.

Undertherainbow00 · 23/10/2025 20:25

HAPPY 5️⃣0️⃣th BIRTHDAY 🎈
I felt truly sad when I read your post… You clearly didn’t deserve this - I think your husband scrapped the barrel with his gift offering. He is clearly thoughtless or incompetent at planning. Either way he needs to understand how this has made you feel. If I were you, I would be booking myself and BF into a spa for a weekend away.

Netcurtainnelly · 23/10/2025 20:29

Katherine9 · 23/10/2025 14:32

I didn't want a HUGE fuss but hoped I'd feel a little bit special on the day. DP hadn't known what to buy, so when he asked me a couple of weeks ago, I suggested a necklace or a locket, maybe with my birthstone (this opens up a huge range of options and costs, so I hoped it was a helpful suggestion without being overly demanding, specific or expensive). A few months before that, I'd suggested we go to a murder mystery dinner close to the date of my birthday in a restaurant nearby. I assumed he'd bought the tickets when we discussed it in August.

He'd booked the day of my birthday off work. At 6 am, he got up to let the dogs outside as usual, and came back to bed ranting about a dog going to the toilet on the kitchen floor during the night. This rant lasted about 30 minutes - much longer than it took to clean up - and you'd have thought it was me who'd got up in the middle of the night and shat on the middle of the floor. No mention of my birthday. An hour or so later, we properly woke up again and it was clear any sort of intimacy wasn't happening so I got up and showered. When I came back into the bedroom, he sullenly handed over a 'Forever Friends' birthday card, a bottle of perfume, and explained the necklace hadn't arrived and reviews online said it can take about 6 weeks despite what the company promises. He also asked if I'd booked the murder mystery evening and I said no. Unfortunately, I didn't explain that I assumed he'd done it months ago.

We went out to get breakfast from a burger van, and despite the fact we were passing cash machines en route, he asked if I had the cash to pay. Which I did... and then made my birthday cheesecake and dinner in the evening - without any help. We ate this dinner while he watched GB News (which I hate). Then after, he sat scrolling through his phone and I gave up and went to bed. This morning he was sulky and awkward as he went to work.

Just to make this worse, he made a huge fuss of his 50th birthday earlier this year. I spent a fortune (about £800) and took time off work that was difficult for to manage (he booked the full week off and I'm self-employed). He requested in advance that I book (and pay for) a posh meal and kept saying how important a fiftieth birthday is, so I also felt obliged to buy several expensive presents, which were sat next to the bed when he woke in the morning. I had a card made by Moon Pig which featured lots of photos of him over the years.

So, I'm feeling really sorry for myself and unfortunately, preoccupied with thinking that this reframes the entire relationship.

Bottom line - I've been a mug and he really doesn't give one shit.

To be honest you were abit of a mug spending 800 pounds on a birthday present.
Way over the top.

Did anyone else in your family not arrange anything. Parents, siblings etc.

Mangetoutmangetouti · 23/10/2025 20:30

Katherine9 · 23/10/2025 14:32

I didn't want a HUGE fuss but hoped I'd feel a little bit special on the day. DP hadn't known what to buy, so when he asked me a couple of weeks ago, I suggested a necklace or a locket, maybe with my birthstone (this opens up a huge range of options and costs, so I hoped it was a helpful suggestion without being overly demanding, specific or expensive). A few months before that, I'd suggested we go to a murder mystery dinner close to the date of my birthday in a restaurant nearby. I assumed he'd bought the tickets when we discussed it in August.

He'd booked the day of my birthday off work. At 6 am, he got up to let the dogs outside as usual, and came back to bed ranting about a dog going to the toilet on the kitchen floor during the night. This rant lasted about 30 minutes - much longer than it took to clean up - and you'd have thought it was me who'd got up in the middle of the night and shat on the middle of the floor. No mention of my birthday. An hour or so later, we properly woke up again and it was clear any sort of intimacy wasn't happening so I got up and showered. When I came back into the bedroom, he sullenly handed over a 'Forever Friends' birthday card, a bottle of perfume, and explained the necklace hadn't arrived and reviews online said it can take about 6 weeks despite what the company promises. He also asked if I'd booked the murder mystery evening and I said no. Unfortunately, I didn't explain that I assumed he'd done it months ago.

We went out to get breakfast from a burger van, and despite the fact we were passing cash machines en route, he asked if I had the cash to pay. Which I did... and then made my birthday cheesecake and dinner in the evening - without any help. We ate this dinner while he watched GB News (which I hate). Then after, he sat scrolling through his phone and I gave up and went to bed. This morning he was sulky and awkward as he went to work.

Just to make this worse, he made a huge fuss of his 50th birthday earlier this year. I spent a fortune (about £800) and took time off work that was difficult for to manage (he booked the full week off and I'm self-employed). He requested in advance that I book (and pay for) a posh meal and kept saying how important a fiftieth birthday is, so I also felt obliged to buy several expensive presents, which were sat next to the bed when he woke in the morning. I had a card made by Moon Pig which featured lots of photos of him over the years.

So, I'm feeling really sorry for myself and unfortunately, preoccupied with thinking that this reframes the entire relationship.

Bottom line - I've been a mug and he really doesn't give one shit.

Bless you op , I’d feel incredibly hurt too, especially given that he set the precedent with his own fiftieth birthday first

Original poster
Katherine9 · 23/10/2025 20:37

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 23/10/2025 20:15

Adding my voice to the chorus of MNers saying you are worth more than this miserable, tight, lazy man. You sound wise and warm and smart and brave, qualities that will stand you in good stead as you move forward towards brighter things. You’ve got an army of online pals cheering you on.

Just cried again. This kindness is amazing, thank you.

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 23/10/2025 20:37

Do you have a close friend who you can just take off for the weekend with? I’d just do a Shirley Valentine - stick a post-it note on the fridge telling him your birthday celebrations start today - you’ve taken yourself off for some fun, and will see him when you see him. Ideally with a friend, but alone is fine too. Life really is too short to put up with twatty behaviour. How can a person lack so much self awareness that he thinks he can demand so much from you on his birthday, but gives you the bare minimum on yours.

venus7 · 23/10/2025 20:42

Netcurtainnelly · 23/10/2025 20:29

To be honest you were abit of a mug spending 800 pounds on a birthday present.
Way over the top.

Did anyone else in your family not arrange anything. Parents, siblings etc.

Show quote history

Slightly missing the point of the post........'my beloved ignored me, but my mother/cousin/brother bought some flowers.'

Ilovesunshine22 · 23/10/2025 20:43

Happy Birthday for yesterday! It was my birthday yesterday aswell and I was also disappointed...my husband got me a bunch of flowers and organised nothing. Although mine wasn't a special one but I did have his child 12 weeks ago. Do what I did op and treat yourself to something you wanted ☺️

barkpark · 23/10/2025 20:43

I’m sorry OP. 95% of men are shite. I don’t know why it takes us so long to realise this. I’m only now starting to get this in my 40s.

Mostly they’re completely unnecessary and pointless, women are happier without them.

TheExcitersblowingupmymind · 23/10/2025 20:44

Another Happy belated birthday.
What a thoughtless git!!
A bit of effort to make it a special day is not too much to ask.
You pushed the boat out for him and he couldn't do the same in return.
Selfish to the max.

grrrlatrix · 23/10/2025 20:48

Imagine how wonderful your life could be with someone who radiates the same energy as you.

evertriedeverfailed · 23/10/2025 20:49

Oh @Katherine9 you sound lovely.

Those weren't huge demands at all. To have fairly low expectations and then him so obviously fail to meet them is really tough.

The burger van breakfast where he wouldn't pay - I'm speechless.

And I'm sorry about your poor mother and your hard childhood. You must have been missing her on your special birthday xxx

MayaPinion · 23/10/2025 20:51

Tell him straight. ‘My birthday was a shit day. I spoiled you rotten on your birthday after you banged on about it for weeks, and you couldn’t be bothered organizing one fucking thing for mine. I deserve better and you know it. How are you going to make it up to me? Or does it only count when you’re the centre of attention?’

ThrushorSparrow · 23/10/2025 20:53

What a dick.

Never2late2change · 23/10/2025 20:53

Making a tremendous fuss about dog poo in kitchen? That was to prepare you for his lack of interest (and effort) in your big day. A warning shot that you should accommodate this bog standard unpleasant man.

Forget your birthday, act the "little woman" (who has responsible paid work, runs home with minimal help, cares for animals and smoothes over his gaffes) and continue your one sided sacrifices. Of course, the Big Man's birthday is different - NOT.

TheExcitersblowingupmymind · 23/10/2025 20:56

evertriedeverfailed · 23/10/2025 20:49

Oh @Katherine9 you sound lovely.

Those weren't huge demands at all. To have fairly low expectations and then him so obviously fail to meet them is really tough.

The burger van breakfast where he wouldn't pay - I'm speechless.

And I'm sorry about your poor mother and your hard childhood. You must have been missing her on your special birthday xxx

Yip ,the burger van breakfast that was truly taking the piss.
If that was me I'd have taken her to a really nice place that we didn't usually frequent as a nice start to her Birthday..it's not difficult to put in thought and effort.
I love seeing DW face light up when we do things like that and she knows she's very special to me.

Lotsofsnacks · 23/10/2025 20:58

Katherine9 · 23/10/2025 14:32

I didn't want a HUGE fuss but hoped I'd feel a little bit special on the day. DP hadn't known what to buy, so when he asked me a couple of weeks ago, I suggested a necklace or a locket, maybe with my birthstone (this opens up a huge range of options and costs, so I hoped it was a helpful suggestion without being overly demanding, specific or expensive). A few months before that, I'd suggested we go to a murder mystery dinner close to the date of my birthday in a restaurant nearby. I assumed he'd bought the tickets when we discussed it in August.

He'd booked the day of my birthday off work. At 6 am, he got up to let the dogs outside as usual, and came back to bed ranting about a dog going to the toilet on the kitchen floor during the night. This rant lasted about 30 minutes - much longer than it took to clean up - and you'd have thought it was me who'd got up in the middle of the night and shat on the middle of the floor. No mention of my birthday. An hour or so later, we properly woke up again and it was clear any sort of intimacy wasn't happening so I got up and showered. When I came back into the bedroom, he sullenly handed over a 'Forever Friends' birthday card, a bottle of perfume, and explained the necklace hadn't arrived and reviews online said it can take about 6 weeks despite what the company promises. He also asked if I'd booked the murder mystery evening and I said no. Unfortunately, I didn't explain that I assumed he'd done it months ago.

We went out to get breakfast from a burger van, and despite the fact we were passing cash machines en route, he asked if I had the cash to pay. Which I did... and then made my birthday cheesecake and dinner in the evening - without any help. We ate this dinner while he watched GB News (which I hate). Then after, he sat scrolling through his phone and I gave up and went to bed. This morning he was sulky and awkward as he went to work.

Just to make this worse, he made a huge fuss of his 50th birthday earlier this year. I spent a fortune (about £800) and took time off work that was difficult for to manage (he booked the full week off and I'm self-employed). He requested in advance that I book (and pay for) a posh meal and kept saying how important a fiftieth birthday is, so I also felt obliged to buy several expensive presents, which were sat next to the bed when he woke in the morning. I had a card made by Moon Pig which featured lots of photos of him over the years.

So, I'm feeling really sorry for myself and unfortunately, preoccupied with thinking that this reframes the entire relationship.

Bottom line - I've been a mug and he really doesn't give one shit.

Happy birthday OP!! Did you confront arsehole and remind him about the fuss he demanded for his 50th, and why wasn’t it reciprocated? Has he form for this type of behaviour before? I’m guessing yes. And if so, why oh why did you waste £800 on his birthday? You sound lovely though, too good for this man. He's shown you who he is with his behaviour on your special birthday. It’s not about spending loads, it’s about thoughtful gestures and kindness - and hes shown neither

Loloblue · 23/10/2025 21:00

You sound like a really caring kind person. Lose this bellend and take yourself for a weekend to Paris or something.

PeonyPatch · 23/10/2025 21:04

You sound lovely OP. You are wasted on this man.

I am wishing you a lovely 50th Birthday from me, and I hope you can give yourself permission to treat YOU. Take yourself away on a break full of luxury, pampering and indulgence. You only turn 50 once!!!!!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 23/10/2025 21:09

He’s been a total shit. Ask him if he had a good 50th and how he thinks yours compares. He needs to book you a spa weekend at champmeys this weekend (without him) to make up to you

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 23/10/2025 21:10

PeonyPatch · 23/10/2025 21:04

You sound lovely OP. You are wasted on this man.

I am wishing you a lovely 50th Birthday from me, and I hope you can give yourself permission to treat YOU. Take yourself away on a break full of luxury, pampering and indulgence. You only turn 50 once!!!!!

On his credit card

Lilacblu · 23/10/2025 21:12

Happy 50th birthday year to you.. In hindsight it may be good to now see what a selfish thoughtless man he is and surely you can give yourself a better happier life without him dragging your self esteem down then literally trampling on it! You sound pretty OK to me... ❤️❤️❤️👍

aWeeCornishPastie · 23/10/2025 21:13

what a bell end OP. You obviously went to a lot of fuss and trouble for his birthday and it seems he is a selfish shit in return. LTB

TheOpalReader · 23/10/2025 21:15

Happy belated 50th birthday!

As much as I'm sad he was a tool I'm glad he's shown his colours now and not in 20 years. My mum divorced and moved on at 50, she's very happy now even though it wasn't the easiest to begin with.
Take care of yourself and enjoy your weekend!

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