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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Im a bad person...

94 replies

LA1988 · 23/10/2025 08:20

Been speaking to a guy for 2 weeks & we've been on a coffee date.
His 42, a father of 4 kids, works full time. His last ex treated him quite badly.
When we first started talking it was great lots of laughing but the last few days when he messages Im dreading what he will say. Gone has this fun guy to be replaced with lots of family drama & obsessive messages. I was on the phone to a friend last night for about an hour & during this call I recieved 5 messages from him, just as I got off the phone I recieved another one & it was "take it your ignoring me, speak to you tomorrow but if you dont want to talk to me I understand". He's told his mum & kids about me, he's planning trips, weekends away etc. He even went as far as saying "I know you have a son but I can sort a babysitter so we can go out one evening" we live in different towns & would rather choose a babysitter i trust or a family member. Im at university 3 days a week, plus I work part-time & a single mum (which he knows) my free time is limited but if i go a few hours without messaging he just texts me saying "guess your busy speak to you later or not" when ive already said im at work or university. I even had to text a list of what I was doing everyday so he knew when I was free. I have reminded him its only been 2 weeks & one date so to just relax abit, slow it down, go with the flow but it doesn't seem to have made much difference. Am I a bad person to want to end this before it goes any further?

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 23/10/2025 08:22

No. You are a sensible person to want to end this before it goes any further.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/10/2025 08:23

In my experience of OLD there were 2 types of man. 1 type just wanted sex. The other type were in love after 1 date, intense, love bombing. Neither got what they wanted.

This guy is clearly a wrong’un. Bin him off by text then block.

olderbutwiser · 23/10/2025 08:23

More red flags than I can count.

whimsicallyprickly · 23/10/2025 08:23

No. You're not a bad person. It would obviously be utterly STUPID to keep on seeing this man

Get rid and block

ConnieHeart · 23/10/2025 08:26

You didn't have to text him a list of what you're doing every day. Don't fall into his trap. A person who love bombs can turn out to be very dangerous

Beaniebobbins · 23/10/2025 08:27

Block as the PPs have said.

But for your own peace of mind you need to remember that you don't owe this man anything. He has no right to make demands on your time and you can do what you want when you want.

Brightbluesomething · 23/10/2025 08:28

He’s controlling you after two weeks? You shouldn’t even have to ask. Leave him immediately.

JudgeBread · 23/10/2025 08:29

Hard nope, this is 14yo behaviour not 42

sesquipedalian · 23/10/2025 08:29

“the last few days when he messages Im dreading what he will say. Gone has this fun guy to be replaced with lots of family drama & obsessive messages.”

So delete and block. He sounds controlling, even this soon into your relationship. Quite apart from the fact that he has four children, he just doesn’t sound like a keeper. Throw this one back - you and your own DC deserve better.

TheBewleySisters · 23/10/2025 08:30

You’re not a bad person, you’ve been a million times more patient than I would be in this situation. He sounds like a needy, controlling dolt. It will only get worse. How DARE he want to know where you are and what you are doing. Finish it and block him. He’s a twat.

Shayisgreat · 23/10/2025 08:30

Gosh that's intense. I wouldn't be dealing with that - tell him he expects too much from someone he barely knows and that you want out. Then ignore him.

DollopOfFun · 23/10/2025 08:31

The hills are that way > >

EBearhug · 23/10/2025 08:32

I blocked one for similar reasons. "Why aren't you answering my messages?" Well, as I already told you, I am really busy at work today and won't have my phone with me, and if your comprehension levels are that low, we are not compatible.

peanutpancakes · 23/10/2025 08:35

His grammar alone would put me off.

RedRec · 23/10/2025 08:37

Many, many red flags here but my blood boiled at the bit where he assumed HE could be the one to sort out a baby sitter for YOUR child. As if any right minded woman would allow some random (and that is what he is) to do that.

GreenLeavesEveryday · 23/10/2025 08:39

I am not dating thankfully but i have read enough posts on here to have spotted very similar behaviour from a man I interviewed for a part time job recently. I could easily imagine somebody writing about him on the relationships board. They are very manipulative, making normal people feel bad. Tell him he's too intense ( or don't) then block him.

ForTipsyFinch · 23/10/2025 08:39

Do you genuinely think you’re a bad person for not wanting to entertain this obvious nutjob? Asking because if you do it may indicate some underlying issues- this man is unhinged.

Balloonhearts · 23/10/2025 08:41

Jesus. I'd not be having that shit. Dump him. Waaaaay too controlling.

VoodooQualities · 23/10/2025 08:44

Fuck. That.

Send him one message, a short and polite one telling him it hasn't worked out, you have decided not to see him again, and you'd appreciate it if he didn't contact you again. Then you ignore all future messages from him or block them if you can so you don't even see them.

Errolwasahero · 23/10/2025 08:45

He’s already guilt-tripping you. Run, don’t walk. Don’t look back!

HereForTheFreeLunch · 23/10/2025 08:51

And of course his ex is the crazy one Hmm

unsync · 23/10/2025 09:02

Recognising a wrong'un doesn't make you a bad person. Why would you think that? This one is ringing all the alarms and waving all the red flags.

TwistedWonder · 23/10/2025 09:04

JFC hrs waving more red flags than the Russian army on a May Day parade in Moscow.

I wouldn’t even bother messaging him, I would delete and block.

He’s a fruitcake

Sevenamcoffee · 23/10/2025 09:04

Of Course you must run from this OP, far to controlling. If you don’t want to ghost then one text saying ‘John, your behaviour is very intense and I’m not enjoying it. Therefore I’m ending this now.’ Delete and block.

Skintone · 23/10/2025 09:20

ForTipsyFinch · 23/10/2025 08:39

Do you genuinely think you’re a bad person for not wanting to entertain this obvious nutjob? Asking because if you do it may indicate some underlying issues- this man is unhinged.

Yes, the most concerning thing here is not his behaviour, but that the OP is entertaining it at all!