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Original poster

Just wasting my time waiting on marriage?

80 replies

Matchalover · 22/10/2025 15:39

Been with partner for 6.5 years and were friends for a few years before we got together. I am approaching mid thirties. We live together and have a dog and don't plan for kids. Problem is that I want to get married and he knows this so at what point should you just call it a day? We have talked about it so many times and when we initially got together we agreed we would be married in a few years. Anytime I bring it up he says he wants to get married too but then just blows past any timeline and says I am putting too much pressure on him. I know marriage shouldnt be important really but it matters to me due to my background and feel at this point he is just stringing me along. I have tried to take it into my own hands but as above he says it's too much pressure!

OP posts:
Wham83 · 22/10/2025 15:42

Maybe have a heart to heart with him and explain how you feel and that marriage is something you really want. Is he concerned about money or expectations?

ForZanyAquaViewer · 22/10/2025 15:43

There’s no should or shouldn’t about it. It’s your life and you get to want what you want.

If you’ve been clear that marriage is important to you and your partner keeps brushing it off, then honestly, you already have your answer. You shouldn’t have to persuade someone to want to marry you. If they wanted to, they would. And you definitely don’t want to marry someone who’s half-hearted about it. After five-plus years of talking circles around the same thing, I’d cut my losses and leave.

TooManyCupsAndMugs · 22/10/2025 15:44

If it is important to you and not to him, your values aren't aligned and you are perfectly entitled to walk away from the relationship on that basis. Why is he blowing you off? Have you pointed out things like the legal aspect, you being next of kin if he was seriously ill etc? Does he realise if anything happened to him, it's would be his mum dealing with it, not you (and vice versa).

strawgoh · 22/10/2025 16:15

I think you need to seriously consider leaving him.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/10/2025 16:18

know marriage shouldnt be important really

Of course it’s important. It’s a huge deal.

he is just stringing me along

He is. He should have been honest but he hasn’t and that’s disrespectful and hurtful.

I have tried to take it into my own hands but as above he says it's too much pressure!*

You've done what you can. I’d leave and find someone who shares your hopes and dreams. You deserve much more than being strung along.

Redruby2020 · 22/10/2025 16:21

ForZanyAquaViewer · 22/10/2025 15:43

There’s no should or shouldn’t about it. It’s your life and you get to want what you want.

If you’ve been clear that marriage is important to you and your partner keeps brushing it off, then honestly, you already have your answer. You shouldn’t have to persuade someone to want to marry you. If they wanted to, they would. And you definitely don’t want to marry someone who’s half-hearted about it. After five-plus years of talking circles around the same thing, I’d cut my losses and leave.

Exactly, I agree. I know of someone who had to threaten their bf to break up if they didn’t get engaged, so he did it, but to me unless it means something and not even that, that you will go on to marry, which was originally the whole point of engagement, but some have got lost along the way, and see it as acceptable to just stay engaged.
That’s easy for a man to go out and get a ring. Then they don’t marry the woman, but go and have a child 🤷🏻‍♀️ all doesn’t make sense to me.
That was about 5/6 years ago. Can’t see him ever marrying her.

I know it’s hard when you have been with someone for several years, but if it is really important to you then you should be able to get married as you wish, if your partner is not happy to, it can’t be forced. Then you will have to go your separate ways.

TheAvidWriter · 22/10/2025 16:21

OP this one is so tricky. If he is telling you, when you bring up the marriage wish, that you are putting pressure on him, honestly that is quite telling that he is voicing to you loud and clear in a man kind of way that this is not what he is wanting at all.

He likes what comes with your relationship, the comfort, and he probably loves you endlessly, but could it be that there are too many horrid stories on how marriage end and how men seem to loose out, just thinking on me feet here, or is it that he is just not wanting this with you. Sorry if that is harsh.

It should not be this hard, 6.5 years in and every time you bring it up he decides you are piling on too much pressure. I think maybe have a final chat, and tell him you are on your way out. This matters to you and this is not up for negotiation. You are allowed to say that. You are allowed to want these things. There are men out there who really want those things and are actively looking for that right person. And mid 30s is a great time for that milestone. I would say he is not wanting the same thing as you, by telling you you are pressuring him, is him saying NO to you.

Peonies12 · 22/10/2025 16:23

Please don't feel you have to downplay your desire to get married. That's entirely valid. I think you need to have a made or break discussion about your future, and understand where his head is. If he's not willing to commit, then I think you should walk away.

noidea69 · 22/10/2025 16:25

Is he not keen on marriage. or is not keen on a wedding

I know people where the whole idea of a wedding (particularly where one sides family want an extravagant occasion) has put them of marriage.

If he said "lets go to registry office this saturday & get married" would you be pleased.

GardenGaff · 22/10/2025 16:28

He doesn’t want to marry you. It’s that simple.

So you accept that and move forward, whatever way you choose.

If marriage is that important to you, then he is not the one for you. He will keep relying on the sunk cost fallacy keeping you with him.

Enrichetta · 22/10/2025 16:32

Words are cheap.

You KNOW what he is actually telling you.

If you definitely want to get married, you need to leave.

He'll either cave in and you will have to decide whether to marry someone who has been reluctant to do so.

Or you’ll eventually marry someone else. Or stay single.

Original poster
Matchalover · 22/10/2025 16:33

He tells me on a daily basis several times that he loves me but then it comes to marriage and he freezes up! He has said the reason is money as we have prioritised other things but I've told him I would want a very low key wedding so I don't feel it's an excuse. Part of me thinks he doesn't want the commitment and is scared of the financial aspects of marriage in terms of joint finances (even though we own a home together). I don't know honestly but I just feel very sad that I'm no where near that while all my friends are married

OP posts:
FatLarrysBanned · 22/10/2025 16:38

Tell him to shit or get off the pot. I did after 10 years together and we were married with a baby 9 months later. Divorced after 16 years, but that was due to his Wandering Cock Syndrome and I was much more protected because of the marriage.

Zempy · 22/10/2025 16:38

I would separate. He doesn’t want to marry you. And I am sure you don’t want to bully him into it.

Snorlaxo · 22/10/2025 16:39

Yanbu to want to get married.

He isn’t unreasonable to not want to get married.

Can he be more specific about the pressure? Is it money? Babies? Fear of the ceremony? He must know if he wants to be with your forever and ideally he’d tell you if you were Miss Right For Now rather than Miss Right Forever but many men don’t and marry/have babies very quickly once they’ve met the right woman.

Yanbu to set a time limit before leaving. It sounds like he doesn’t want to get married tbh and is hoping that you’ll change your mind/become too old for babies. In an ideal world, he’d say so but he doesn’t want to be single either.

Abracadabrador · 22/10/2025 16:39

If he wanted to, he would.

I am childfree too and made it very clear to my now-husband that marriage was important to me and that I would absolutely not be just a girlfriend to anyone. Been married twenty years now.
I would have been fine with dumping him and selling the house we had just bought if he wanted to be a live-in boyfriend. That's not what I wanted from life.

Let your boyfriend know what you want from life and if he doesn't want the same, that's fine, house goes on the market.

FairyBatman · 22/10/2025 16:46

Are you prepared to end the relationship if he won’t marry you? If so then you need to talk to him one more time and tell him that time is up, commit or leave.

Neversaygoodbye · 22/10/2025 16:53

Took some counselling but husband and I got married after nearly 10 years together. We've now been together 35 years (married 25) and have 2 young adult children. Sometimes there is a bit of a mental block about the whole marriage thing, for my husband it was his parents failed marriage that was holding him back. The question to consider for you is, how much do you want him compared to how much you want marriage…when asked this question I realised I wanted my partner more than marriage which helped as I took the pressure off and for him, it was why are you basing your relationship on that of your parents. Really made us think and talk. We were literally married the next year!

Lucy4567 · 22/10/2025 16:56

Whats a bit of paper, means nothing these days !

Lucy4567 · 22/10/2025 16:57

Its only a bit of paper, your relationship is more important

Ohmygodthepain · 22/10/2025 16:59

It's a little bit of paper with huge legal implications.

Never mind symbolic of long term commitment.

PermanentTemporary · 22/10/2025 17:00

I do have a friend who just booked the register office and told her partner they were going there on the day….

I wouldn’t do that personally. But yes, I would set a deadline if it mattered enough to me. (I’ve proposed to dp and he’s turned me down).

Theresabatinmykitchen · 22/10/2025 17:00

Lucy4567 · 22/10/2025 16:57

Its only a bit of paper, your relationship is more important

An incredibly naive comment.

outerspacepotato · 22/10/2025 17:01

It's been 6 and a half years. He's not going to marry you.

This is something you both agreed on when you got together and now when you bring it up, you're pressuring him. 🙄In other words, he future faked you in regards to marriage and he thinks you'll put up with not being married because you've accepted it for this long.

Get your ducks in order for leaving and figure out if he's going to buy you out of the home, you buy him out, or the home gets sold.

GelatoForMe · 22/10/2025 17:02

There isn't a man who will lose a woman he truly wants in his life is she pressed for marriage. Read that again.