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Just wasting my time waiting on marriage?

80 replies

Matchalover · 22/10/2025 15:39

Been with partner for 6.5 years and were friends for a few years before we got together. I am approaching mid thirties. We live together and have a dog and don't plan for kids. Problem is that I want to get married and he knows this so at what point should you just call it a day? We have talked about it so many times and when we initially got together we agreed we would be married in a few years. Anytime I bring it up he says he wants to get married too but then just blows past any timeline and says I am putting too much pressure on him. I know marriage shouldnt be important really but it matters to me due to my background and feel at this point he is just stringing me along. I have tried to take it into my own hands but as above he says it's too much pressure!

OP posts:
Ally886 · 23/10/2025 16:24

StewkeyBlue · 23/10/2025 16:12

Does he earn loads more than you or have or expect big wealth from his family?

Has he been married before?

Is he wary of marrying into ‘your background’ ( your reason for being keen on marriage)

Totally agree with this. If you're up for marriage for the protection it gives you, you're already thinking about divorce which is not a good foundation for any marriage.

Maybe think about exploring his fears then marry with a prenup? That would show marriage is important to you because you love him not what he can offer you. I know they're not legally enforced but show intent.

Personally we married and felt a few grand grand lighter, no different at all and had already protected each other upon death when we bought property.

EarthSight · 23/10/2025 17:05

so at what point should you just call it a day?

I'm marriage is important to you, the time was about 2-4 years ago.

After 6.5 years, if he's not sure how, he never will be.

Anytime I bring it up he says he wants to get married too but then just blows past any timeline and says I am putting too much pressure on him

Because he doesn't want to get married. Want to know how much he's ok with getting married? Book the next available slot at your registry office.

I know marriage shouldnt be important really

That's quite a statement.

Why do you think that? Sounds like you need to be de-programmed. When women say this, it's like the modern version of a Victorian woman who's been taught to be quiet and subservient to her husband. Don't ask too many questions. Don't place too many demands on him. Don't expect too much.

There are many women who aren't bothered about marriage or who want to avoid it, but the reason why so many young women come out with that statement in particular is because it's mostly men defining what should & shouldn’t be important for women, based on what suits men best. It's that old '....but marriage is a piece of paper, and isn't it enough that we love each other nonsense'.

Again, if you want to test how unimportant marriage is to anyone, book the registry office and see how fast they try to reverse out of it.

EarthSight · 23/10/2025 17:17

Part of me thinks he doesn't want the commitment and is scared of the financial aspects of marriage in terms of joint finances (even though we own a home together)

I'm sorry, but that's the palatable version that so many women tell themselves.

The unpalatable version that takes a lot longer to realise, often when it's too late, is that you're not The One.

He may say that he loves you, he may act lovingly, but it still doesn't mean you're The One. That woman that just hits them in the heart, and they know there's no way they want to risk any other man marrying that woman.

There was a thread just like this about a week or two ago which I also commented on.

There are so many devoted, loving women who end up with men that just don't love or value them in the way the women want. They often buy a house with the woman, and sometimes even have children with her.....but marriage? No. That's reserved for that special woman, if they ever meet her.

That's because in things like house buying or children, there's something in it for them. These days, they might not be able to afford to get on the ladder at all on their own, and many men have children because they want to father children (their genes) with a nice woman, not because they want to become a father.

They don't see marriage that way though, and marriage is only something they'd be motivated to do with The One. Obviously, there are horrible men who think they can lock down and start abusing & controlling women once they're married, so their motives aren't always good, but generally, I'd like you to consider what I've said.

ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddler · 23/10/2025 19:38

Only you will know whether he is committed or really in love. Would you rather be with him or married but to your second choice or alone because no one else comes along? If he’s a good man who treats you well and is committed in other ways, is marriage really important? There are many reasons a person wouldn’t want to get married - does he have any good ones?

if you’re not planning kids, I’d say it’s less important. It’s your choice based on what you know of your relationship.

Matchalover · 24/10/2025 11:04

Reflecting on all the responses and I think my doubts over this are just making me realise the bigger relationship issues at play and I do feel partly that I am living his life and sacrificing most of the things that I want to make him happy. I've felt quite insecure about why he won't marry me and there have been other actions that make me doubt whether he actually loves me as much as he says he does. I do fear he would meet someone else, be married in a year and that it's just me that is the problem and not sure that I'm willing to sacrifice what I want for this relationship any more.

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