Dating and aging body

[RosiePeach33]

Does anybody else feel like this? I'm nearly 37, just out of a 4 year relationship. Absolutely don't want to date for at least a year.

However, I do wonder when I look at myself whether I would ever want to with someone new. My boobs are down by my knees, I have a hair that sprouts on my chin now, I realised I have hairs creeping down my nose. I have to wee in the night, my hair is falling out due to some auto immune thing and I'm contemplating a wig. Like my body is declining. Who is seriously going to want that.

And I don't think it's exactly a self confidence issue? Weirdly my standards are higher than ever, ive been doing so much work on that. Ive removed toxic people from my life, been going to counselling, put in boundaries etc. I know what I want and wouldn't accept and have implemented that. My standards are higher and yet my body has all this stuff.

And I exercise and eat really healthy, etc.

Does that make sense?

I’m sorry, you’re 36???

Youre a decade younger than me and I am in a new relationship and don’t let any of that shit bother me.

If you want to look after yourself a bit more, great - not sure many people are into hairy chins 🤣 - but your self-confidence sounds like it’s through the floor. You talk as if you’re 76 not 36.

Some things you mentioned are down to grooming (and have you seen videos of men grooming at barbers? even their nostrils are waxed). Honestly you make it sound as if the men you'll date are all C.K. models or professional athletes... and even then, just because they look good it doesn't mean they expect the same appearance level in their partners. How many times have we seen an ogre of a man be so entitled about women's appearance (eg the men of Marriage at First Sight)? It doesn't necessarily correlate.

I think it is down to your self confidence, you've done a lot of work you say, but it sounds like there is more to be done.
Date when you feel happy with how you look, you don't have to be perfect but you have to love and totally accept yourself inside and out to be in a healthy relationship as otherwise insecurities will make you date or stay with bad men and/or behave badly towards kind men who try to love you.

Haha, it's just one and I pull it out straight away. I go to the gym and exercise etc. Eat as healthy as I can most of the time. Dye my hair, etc. But I have some greys starting to appear. I honestly feel about 70. My knees are starting to hurt going up hills. I don't get it. I do all the right things 🤣

But my body looks looks and acts really old I think. And I can't see how it's desirable. Maybe this is a me issue then.

What is the autoimmune thing? I wonder if how you're feeling is in large part down to that? In all honesty, 36 is pretty young to have complaints like your knees hurting.

@RosiePeach33 maybe attraction has to be about more than just someone's body? Not if you are just looking for someone to have sex with, but if you are looking for a relationship, then I think maybe attraction has to be about more than appearance.

Also worth remembering you will never be as young again as you are today, so make the most of it!

Don't give it a second thought OP.

I came out of a 31yr marriage and when I was 50 I met my current partner. Whereas I was kinda cute when I was younger, here I am with wrinkles, a belly, cellulite and a mole on my face which seems to push out 3 hairs a week (plucked when I can get the little fuckers). In the last year I have hit menopause and I'm suffering with hot sweats so he definitely isn't getting the best version of me, and you know what, my partner thinks I am the most beautiful person on the planet.

Get dating and have fun. There is someone out there who will look past any (perceived) imperfections and think you are the absolute bees knees.

You are very young for some of these issues - saggy boobs and hairy chin. I was late 40's before I got chin hair! Perhaps this is down to the autoimmune disease? Worth seeing a doctor re early menopause perhaps?

Well I have raised intracranial pressure but not intracranial hypertension and I don't have paps. Had to have an ICP bolt 3 years ago. So, they think it's due to another cause. But factor in this new hair loss, brittle nails, IBS symptoms for a year, they are now doing a rheumatology referral. I'm a really hyper, bubbly person but it's knocking me a bit as so tired. And exercise keeps me sane, long coast path walks etc so the knee thing is peeing me off.

They just did hormone screen and it's fine. My boobs are on the bigger side (I'm a size ten) but they are bigger and after the kids they just lost all tone 😂

I am 55 and don't feel like this so I really feel like you need to give your head a wobble.

Having the best sex of my life. Completely confident about my lines and sagging. Not had one complaint. But then I've never gone for shallow men.

I'm 50. Grooming is important to me. But unless you're saying men should only like the fakey 20 something "babes" SM shove down everyone's neck you're not doing yourself or the rest of us any favours 🙈 bodies age, its a fact! If all relationships are only ever about looks we are all doomed.

That's made me realise it must be a me thing then because I look at other people and think they are beautiful, of all ages. But then I never think of them having the things I do if that makes sense.

Buy some new bras and a nose hair trimmer?
It’s very normal for your body to look and feel a bit different at 36 than it did at 20. It sounds like you generally take pretty good care of yourself. Men don’t have perfect age-less bodies either. Date men around your own age who want to date women around your age and this is a non-issue.

I love that! That also gives me hope.

Its only when I take my bra off 😂

WHAT? From your description, I was expecting the age to be 55, not 36!

I know women around your age, and none of what you say describes them at all! Are you sure you're as bad as you say/think?

Well I don't know. I know my knees definitely hurt going up the coast path. I know I'm definitely going grey as my kids keep pointing it out and I'm having to put hair dye on more frequently. I know it's falling out. I know I have one chin hair I pluck out 😂 I know when I take my bra off my tits drop. I know I get up for a wee.

Also, we all have hang ups about our bodies and no one has a perfect body at any age. Do you remember being a young adult (I’m thinking late teens - university age) and worrying about your acne or teenage stretch marks or the odd scar and then starting to date boys and realising that they too have acne, stretch marks and scars?
36 year old men also commonly get wrinkles, thinning hair and occasional knee or back pain.

Oh blimey, this isn't good. Maybe get out more, go for walks, go swimming etc, to try and exercise your joints. You flat out shouldn't be anything like this at 36. You're still young!

This is the thing. I exercise a lot. Spinning twice a week. At least two, two hour coast path walks a week. Don't know how much more I can fit in. I eat 80 percent just fish/chicken/veg/fruit in a day. Take supplements etc.

I do have one theory. I come from a background of child abuse/neglect. Maybe it's aged me prematurely. Turned me old, young.

Just pluck the hairs and wear a good bra OP, don’t compare to filtered images on social media.
I’m 42 and have some weird hairs, lots of grey hidden by highlights and I’m a size 18 but still get chatted up (I’m married so don’t seek it out). It’s a confidence thing more so than a beauty thing I think, when it boils down to it.

Wouldn't hurt to be taking calcium and vit d if you aren't already, depending what you're getting or not getting from your diet

Dermaplaning is a game changer when it comes to chin hairs. Takes 2 seconds and the hairs don’t grow back any thicker. Highly recommend it .

No, some of us just have crap knees. I’m about your age and have known by knees are dodgy since my early twenties. I look after myself by keeping all the muscles in my legs strong, staying in the healthy bmi range and eating a good diet. If I need a knee replacement in my late 50s or 60s then I’ll know I did my best to look after myself and I’ll consider it an investment in my health and mobility for my older years. I have relatives who also have crap knees and looking after yourself then taking the surgery when it becomes necessary is how you deal with it well. Maybe don’t take up running. Walking, swimming and cycling are a better fit when you didn’t inherit good joints.

you just sound so down in the dumps, which is a magnet for no good men or self sabotaging relationships. I'd be careful of dating in this current mood.