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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I found my best friends husband on a dating app. What are the chances it's innocent?

87 replies

SofiaJessica4 · 17/10/2025 01:18

I just found his profile with what looked like old photos. I am beyond shocked. They have been married a year and seem really happy, he seems devoted to her. What are the chances this is a mistake and he just forgot to delete his profile? They met on Bumble.

They are not in an open relationship and I am certain she is the type of person to have discussed deleting profiles as soon as they were official.

He is not the forgetful type. I will add he's a boundary pusher and was once in a poly relationship but she is very much against that and not to repeat myself but they seem really happy :(

Im going to tell her, I think have to, and I'd want someone to do the same for me, but I really don't want to believe that it is what it looks like

OP posts:
mummymetalhead · 17/10/2025 01:20

You 100% need to tell her.

If he has forgotten to delete the account then he’ll just apologise.
If he’s looking to cheat, your friend deserves to know.

bizzey · 17/10/2025 01:21

Why don't you speak to the husband first ?

Dillydollydingdong · 17/10/2025 01:22

I'd speak to him. As you say, it could be an old profile that he's forgotten to delete. Even if it's a recent one, the fact that you know will persuade him to delete it now. And hopefully he'll realise that he's not going to be able to do this without being seen and recognised!

Original poster
SofiaJessica4 · 17/10/2025 01:22

Just following up, how do I approach this? I don't want to ruin our friendship but I also have to tell her. Maybe something like "did X forget to delete his profile lol... just saw this but I felt I had to send to you"

OP posts:
WaryHiker · 17/10/2025 01:28

Just message her and say did X realise his old profile is stood up on Bumble? I've just come across it and assumed he would want to know.

IridiumSky · 17/10/2025 01:29

There may be things you don’t know.
It might be a unicorn hunt.
I suggest the wisest option is to mind your own business.

Original poster
SofiaJessica4 · 17/10/2025 01:30

@IridiumSky whats a unicorn hunt

OP posts:
Original poster
SofiaJessica4 · 17/10/2025 01:31

@IridiumSky forget I asked! just googled it !

OP posts:
IridiumSky · 17/10/2025 01:37

SofiaJessica4 · 17/10/2025 01:31

@IridiumSky forget I asked! just googled it !

Ha ha! Google is your friend. 😄
Sounds like the chap has form in these matters and may have introduced his new partner to the idea, especially if she’s already bisexual or at least bi-curious.
If it works for all involved, it can be the most marvellous fun.

GarlicPound · 17/10/2025 01:46

It's a very, very tiny possibility that they - as a couple - would be looking for a third partner using his solo profile from way back 🤨 Of the remaining possibilities, it's not improbable that he forgot to delete it. I agree that's the way to approach it with your friend, OP. Fingers crossed.

IridiumSky · 17/10/2025 01:59

GarlicPound · 17/10/2025 01:46

It's a very, very tiny possibility that they - as a couple - would be looking for a third partner using his solo profile from way back 🤨 Of the remaining possibilities, it's not improbable that he forgot to delete it. I agree that's the way to approach it with your friend, OP. Fingers crossed.

Yup. I don’t disagree (that Occam’s razor is useful).
But is still say mind your own business. Nothing good can come of it.

PeachBlossom1234 · 17/10/2025 02:14

I was the wife in this exact situation, a colleague saw my now ex H on tinder. She told me, it was mortifying but he admitted it and I booted him out. Best thing to happen to me! Tell her.

lambdressedasspam · 17/10/2025 02:16

IridiumSky · 17/10/2025 01:59

Yup. I don’t disagree (that Occam’s razor is useful).
But is still say mind your own business. Nothing good can come of it.

Show quote history

?? Your posts make you sound like a dodgy bloke gaslighting away, projecting sleeze ( not in a cool way ) and hoping to put a genuine person off doing the sound thing because you don't like women protecting themselves and each other.

Subwaystop · 17/10/2025 02:25

Definitely tell her. Make it breezy. "Could I have seen x on Bumble?" and see how she replies.

Don't tell the husband! What the heck is that advice all about!???

WaltzingWaters · 17/10/2025 02:29

Yes definitely tell her but I think in an innocent “does DH realise his profile is still active?” kind of way. That way she can then do with that information what she likes but you’ve brought it to her attention.

notimeforregrets · 17/10/2025 02:32

IridiumSky · 17/10/2025 01:37

Ha ha! Google is your friend. 😄
Sounds like the chap has form in these matters and may have introduced his new partner to the idea, especially if she’s already bisexual or at least bi-curious.
If it works for all involved, it can be the most marvellous fun.

Show quote history

There are apps for that and it's not Bumble... I'd tell the wife, if she knows already there's no harm and of she doesn't know she deserves to be informed.

opencecilgee · 17/10/2025 02:36

Keep checking to see if he is ever online?

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 17/10/2025 02:41

Tell her

FancyNewt · 17/10/2025 02:42

I'd send ask a friend who doesn't know him to message him and see how he responds.

NET145 · 17/10/2025 02:43

Zero

Thunderpants88 · 17/10/2025 02:52

FancyNewt · 17/10/2025 02:42

I'd send ask a friend who doesn't know him to message him and see how he responds.

Exactly this

wheresmymojo · 17/10/2025 02:59

If you’re worried about shooting the messenger you could always send from a temporary email address anonymously. Depends how close you are…

Realrobin · 17/10/2025 03:33

Does the app tell you when the user was last active?

crispycrust · 17/10/2025 03:55

Set up a fake profile and message him.

BiscuitBarrel2 · 17/10/2025 05:13

Please don’t send things anonymously as has been suggested here, you’ll create double weight for her in trying to figure out the truth about her partner and then moving to be suspicious about the intentions of every person that surrounds her in her life (or whether it has come from the “other woman” directly). You’ll then have to live with that guilt when you watch the impact it has on her. It has unintended consequences and would only serve to shield your temporary discomfort at tackling a difficult topic. I think you need to tell her and do so casually like others have said - but you also need to make it clear you have no judgment on the situation / decisions she makes with the information; she’ll likely feel deep embarrassment in addition to betrayal from her partner, even if it transpires it is harmless. Good luck x