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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I found my best friends husband on a dating app. What are the chances it's innocent?

87 replies

SofiaJessica4 · 17/10/2025 01:18

I just found his profile with what looked like old photos. I am beyond shocked. They have been married a year and seem really happy, he seems devoted to her. What are the chances this is a mistake and he just forgot to delete his profile? They met on Bumble.

They are not in an open relationship and I am certain she is the type of person to have discussed deleting profiles as soon as they were official.

He is not the forgetful type. I will add he's a boundary pusher and was once in a poly relationship but she is very much against that and not to repeat myself but they seem really happy :(

Im going to tell her, I think have to, and I'd want someone to do the same for me, but I really don't want to believe that it is what it looks like

OP posts:
Kidsgotothatschool · 17/10/2025 06:17

What a horrible position to be in but of course you tell her.

Don’t make it complicated share the facts and leave it at that. I saw this and I thought you should know will suffice.

And then just lots of support as if he is a cheating sleaze bag it’s going to be a tough journey for her.

thecrabpinchedatoe · 17/10/2025 06:23

Don't go behind her back and ask him.

If you really want to tell her, then tell her.

Personally, I would mind my own business. He's probably just deleted the app and moved on with his life.

KimHwn · 17/10/2025 06:38

I wouldn't keep it light and breezy and I wouldn't say that you found his old profile- you're setting up the exact excuse he's going to use to gaslight her. I'd be factual, have a screenshot, and tell her you thought she ought to know.

randomgeneratedusername1 · 17/10/2025 06:47

I have a dating profile that was setup when me and ex dh split up never used it but can’t access it to delete it can’t remember passwords or even the email used to set it up it’s out there somewhere. I’ve been with dp now 5 yrs and never mentioned it as I’d forgotten about it. Maybe I should in case someone finds it and thank the worst.
op , is it possible you could mention it to him you could see his reaction which would give you a better idea of his intentions and then if you need to tell her you can. If not ask him in front of her . It shouldn’t bother him if there is nothing to hide . 🤞

Harrumphhhh · 17/10/2025 06:48

Can’t you tell when they were last online on Bumble? Please tell her, with a screenshot and as many facts as possible. “He was online at this time…”

Moresparecashplease · 17/10/2025 06:57

Don't talk to him about it.

She is your best friend : tell her.

MsJinks · 17/10/2025 07:18

Bit of a left field (unlikely) suggestion but I have a friend whose photos were used on a dating site by someone else.
But whatever the reason they are there she needs to know her mates are seeing her husband on bumble - good ideas how to broach it as above.

Humanswarm · 17/10/2025 07:19

What does the profile actually say? Or can you only see pics. I can't remember how Bumble works? The wording of the profile would give some clues on intention maybe?
If they're old pictures though I'd go down the route of being a little blasé. Make it a joke 'I saw @#^old profile on Bumble..God he's changed/ looks hilarious/ whatever you might say. '.
Having said that, if you have seen him, potentially he will see you, if he is still on there, and block you..so get some screenshots.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 17/10/2025 07:19

Keep out of it, is my advice.

HelloCheekyCat · 17/10/2025 07:21

Yeah I'd either check when he was last online if you can because that'll tell you if it's his old profile he forgot to delete or find someone to message him
then you can tell your friend if he is active on there
Definitely don't speak to.him! I never understand that advice, all it does is alert him that you know he's a sleaze and he'll be more careful in future

dc82 · 17/10/2025 07:26

I wouldn’t go inspector clouseau as some have suggested here, this isn’t a game it’s real people’s lives. I also wouldn’t go to him first, it’s only your best friends place in this situation to decide whether he’s genuine or not. As said above, I’d send her a screenshot and say quite simply you spotted it and thought she should know. And then I’d follow that with I’m always here for you if you need me.

Snowpatrolling · 17/10/2025 07:29

I’m on multiple dating apps, I haven’t used them in about a month and my profiles have all been automatically hidden by the site, so if it’s showing he’s been on it recently

Original poster
SofiaJessica4 · 17/10/2025 07:38

@Snowpatrolling how does it work on bumble? that was the app. I know for me I had to specifically reactivate my profile, but I don't know what happens if you don't delete your profile, if it still shows up

OP posts:
PersephonePomegranate · 17/10/2025 07:47

Regular dating sites do somethive have couples looking for a third person - they usually state that from the off.

I don't know which app this is, but I know if you're inactive on Tinder for a length of time they hide your profile so that people don't keep swinging on you. They usually email you to tell you (and tempted you back on). I can't speak for any other platforms, but im guessing the less you use it, you end up in thr bottom of the pile.

Dodgy AF in my opinion.

BrainlessBoiledFrog · 17/10/2025 08:03

Op you have to tell your BF. I’d simply say something like ‘hey Stacey this is likely some mix up online but I wanted to tell you as I’d want to know if it was me that Andy’s profile is showing on bumble.’ Then just take it from there.

Ignore all the posters saying ignore this! Some sound sleazy AF. What if he is cheating far and wide and brings home an STD. Your BF deserves the chance to deal with this how she chooses and based on the info she knows about how her relationship is going privately but she can only do that if you tell her this. Hopefully it’s nothing all round but I and most women would want to know!

shiverm · 17/10/2025 08:15

I’d tell her but not framing it in any which way. I met my dp on a dating app. At one point I deleted them off my phone, and I’ve never redownloaded them since. I never deleted my profile and I’d be horrified to think it still floats around in there but equally don’t want to download them only to my phone to check. Maybe unless dp was there. It would just feel seedy.

wandawaves · 17/10/2025 08:23

I would send him a message under a fake profile, saying you're interested. See how/if he responds.
Because otherwise, you tell her, she confronts him, and he says "oh yeah I'm looking for an affair partner"!? No. He will of COURSE say he just forgot to delete it, whether it's the truth or not.

PerkyCyanPoet · 17/10/2025 08:25

It won’t be an old profile. If you’ve seen him that means he’s def active on it, Bumble hides profiles after a couple of weeks of inactivity.

There are a lot of couples looking for thirds on dating apps but usually they have pics of both of them and they’ll be upfront about it.

You need to say something to her, you can’t not!!

My friend saw her colleagues husband on Bumble years ago, she told her colleague and it led to lots of lies being uncovered and the colleague and husband divorcing.

ForCraftyWriter · 17/10/2025 08:25

There’s no point asking either him or her as he will obviously say he forgot to delete it, whatever do you think he’ll say?

BlueEyedBogWitch · 17/10/2025 08:25

bizzey · 17/10/2025 01:21

Why don't you speak to the husband first ?

Because he will lie through his teeth.

WatchingTheDetective · 17/10/2025 08:27

"Boundary pusher forgets to delete dating profile..." No, I wouldn't believe that for a second.

BlueEyedBogWitch · 17/10/2025 08:28

dc82 · 17/10/2025 07:26

I wouldn’t go inspector clouseau as some have suggested here, this isn’t a game it’s real people’s lives. I also wouldn’t go to him first, it’s only your best friends place in this situation to decide whether he’s genuine or not. As said above, I’d send her a screenshot and say quite simply you spotted it and thought she should know. And then I’d follow that with I’m always here for you if you need me.

I wouldn’t just send it to her out of the blue. What a shock. She could be anywhere when she receives it, and might have to drive home.

I’d make sure I showed her in person so I was there to offer support.

lovecookiedough · 17/10/2025 08:31

I think he’s up to no good, used to be poly, so more likely he wants to still keep his options open. if she was open to this , it would be on his profile, Men use old photos all the time, I wouldn’t go to him first, he’ll come up with an excuse, far more likely he’s looking to cheat than a forgotten profile. Tell your friend.

smilingfanatic · 17/10/2025 08:34

My friend rang me once to tell me something about my then partner. Was eternally grateful to her and he was gone the same day. Other friends knew too, but dithered about telling me. She rang as soon as she found out. She's a total badass and I hope I would have the courage to deal with a similar situation in exactly the same way.

dc82 · 17/10/2025 09:03

BlueEyedBogWitch · 17/10/2025 08:28

I wouldn’t just send it to her out of the blue. What a shock. She could be anywhere when she receives it, and might have to drive home.

I’d make sure I showed her in person so I was there to offer support.

Show quote history

oh I agree if I was in a position to go and do it in person I would too

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