Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I found my best friends husband on a dating app. What are the chances it's innocent?

87 replies

SofiaJessica4 · 17/10/2025 01:18

I just found his profile with what looked like old photos. I am beyond shocked. They have been married a year and seem really happy, he seems devoted to her. What are the chances this is a mistake and he just forgot to delete his profile? They met on Bumble.

They are not in an open relationship and I am certain she is the type of person to have discussed deleting profiles as soon as they were official.

He is not the forgetful type. I will add he's a boundary pusher and was once in a poly relationship but she is very much against that and not to repeat myself but they seem really happy :(

Im going to tell her, I think have to, and I'd want someone to do the same for me, but I really don't want to believe that it is what it looks like

OP posts:
RaspberryYoghurtMeatPotatoPie · 17/10/2025 10:51

I see the predictable silly “Email anonymously”, “Text from a burner phone”, “Create a fake profile”, “Get a friend to message him” responses are here 🙄 It’s ridiculous.

If OP decides to tell her friend, she has to tell her straight. The whole value in OP telling her is that the information is coming from her best friend! It’s meaningless coming from an anonymous source. If the husband is cheating, all he has to do is suggest it’s a prank or some nutter with a grudge - and who is the wife going to believe? If the answer is “someone texting anonymously”, the marriage wasn’t in a great state anyway.

Sending him fake messages is a waste of time. Even if you don’t get a response, all that proves is that he didn’t fancy the woman in the photo! You’re no further forward. The options here are keep quiet, or be upfront and factual. In OP’s shoes, I’d choose the second one.

If I was the friend, I’d be prepared to ignore or dismiss an anonymous message. However, if my best friend was telling me this and showing me evidence (the profile) and not simply speculating, I’d at least know I was being told out of genuine concern and that it wasn’t some stupid prank.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/10/2025 11:01

bizzey · 17/10/2025 01:21

Why don't you speak to the husband first ?

ABSOLUTLEY NOT would I want my BEST friend keeping something like this from me to go and tell my (imaginary) husband first. Why? So he can convince her it’s old and then delete the evidence? Then them have a dirty little secret together forever?
your loyalty is with your friend just send her the screen shots and she can do with that info what she needs

Mapleunicorn · 17/10/2025 11:14

RaspberryYoghurtMeatPotatoPie · 17/10/2025 10:51

I see the predictable silly “Email anonymously”, “Text from a burner phone”, “Create a fake profile”, “Get a friend to message him” responses are here 🙄 It’s ridiculous.

If OP decides to tell her friend, she has to tell her straight. The whole value in OP telling her is that the information is coming from her best friend! It’s meaningless coming from an anonymous source. If the husband is cheating, all he has to do is suggest it’s a prank or some nutter with a grudge - and who is the wife going to believe? If the answer is “someone texting anonymously”, the marriage wasn’t in a great state anyway.

Sending him fake messages is a waste of time. Even if you don’t get a response, all that proves is that he didn’t fancy the woman in the photo! You’re no further forward. The options here are keep quiet, or be upfront and factual. In OP’s shoes, I’d choose the second one.

If I was the friend, I’d be prepared to ignore or dismiss an anonymous message. However, if my best friend was telling me this and showing me evidence (the profile) and not simply speculating, I’d at least know I was being told out of genuine concern and that it wasn’t some stupid prank.

Totally this. As someone who was on the receiving end of an anonymous message I can tell you it’s awful. You have no idea who the person is, what their motive is, or the context. It doesn’t help, it just makes you feel shit (and yes, he was cheating)

Danioyellow · 17/10/2025 11:17

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/10/2025 11:01

ABSOLUTLEY NOT would I want my BEST friend keeping something like this from me to go and tell my (imaginary) husband first. Why? So he can convince her it’s old and then delete the evidence? Then them have a dirty little secret together forever?
your loyalty is with your friend just send her the screen shots and she can do with that info what she needs

Show quote history

This. Gobsmacked at people saying to ask the husband? Like he’s going to admit it??

Snorlaxo · 17/10/2025 11:21

I would keep it breezy like you suggested or go for a “Someone is using Tom’s pics to catfish on Bumble lol”

AmericaIsSoAwesome · 17/10/2025 11:22

Tell her

Arregaithel · 17/10/2025 11:24

@SofiaJessica4

From Bumble's site

Wowthatwasabigstep · 17/10/2025 11:32

Screen shot of his profile.

Set up a profile, send message to his profile, see what his response is.

If message is good from him in that he apologises for not having deleted profile etc, leave be.

If message from him is looking for something, talk to your friend with the evidence. He could pass on an STD to her and her marriage is not what she thinks it is.

Original poster
SofiaJessica4 · 17/10/2025 11:45

@Arregaithel from what I can see bumble hides profiles that are inactive for 30 days... I can't find anything saying that for sure though...

OP posts:
RaspberryYoghurtMeatPotatoPie · 17/10/2025 11:46

Set up a profile, send message to his profile, see what his response is.
If message is good from him in that he apologises for not having deleted profile etc, leave be.

And if he simply ignores the message because he isn’t interested? As thousands of people do every day?

Subwaystop · 17/10/2025 11:50

In my experience inactive accounts are hidden. Makes a lot of sense after all, the dating app doesn’t want people swiping on dead accounts. I’ve often left my account untouched and I stopped getting shown. I’d assume his account is active and the user has been online in the last few months.

Didimum · 17/10/2025 11:51

RaspberryYoghurtMeatPotatoPie · 17/10/2025 11:46

Set up a profile, send message to his profile, see what his response is.
If message is good from him in that he apologises for not having deleted profile etc, leave be.

And if he simply ignores the message because he isn’t interested? As thousands of people do every day?

Then nothing lost, nothing gained.

Wowthatwasabigstep · 17/10/2025 11:51

RaspberryYoghurtMeatPotatoPie · 17/10/2025 11:46

Set up a profile, send message to his profile, see what his response is.
If message is good from him in that he apologises for not having deleted profile etc, leave be.

And if he simply ignores the message because he isn’t interested? As thousands of people do every day?

Sadly I don’t have all of the answers, but as a starting point it is worth a go.

PerkyCyanPoet · 17/10/2025 11:54

RaspberryYoghurtMeatPotatoPie · 17/10/2025 10:51

I see the predictable silly “Email anonymously”, “Text from a burner phone”, “Create a fake profile”, “Get a friend to message him” responses are here 🙄 It’s ridiculous.

If OP decides to tell her friend, she has to tell her straight. The whole value in OP telling her is that the information is coming from her best friend! It’s meaningless coming from an anonymous source. If the husband is cheating, all he has to do is suggest it’s a prank or some nutter with a grudge - and who is the wife going to believe? If the answer is “someone texting anonymously”, the marriage wasn’t in a great state anyway.

Sending him fake messages is a waste of time. Even if you don’t get a response, all that proves is that he didn’t fancy the woman in the photo! You’re no further forward. The options here are keep quiet, or be upfront and factual. In OP’s shoes, I’d choose the second one.

If I was the friend, I’d be prepared to ignore or dismiss an anonymous message. However, if my best friend was telling me this and showing me evidence (the profile) and not simply speculating, I’d at least know I was being told out of genuine concern and that it wasn’t some stupid prank.

Agreed it’s madness! Obviously people have different relationships with their best friends but I’d be round their house within minutes confronting him myself (with her present ofc)!!!

RaspberryYoghurtMeatPotatoPie · 17/10/2025 12:06

Wowthatwasabigstep · 17/10/2025 11:51

Sadly I don’t have all of the answers, but as a starting point it is worth a go.

Show quote history

It isn’t though. It only tells you something if he responds. If he doesn’t respond, it could be because the profile is dormant, or because he isn’t interested in the fake woman. You don’t know anything more than you did before.

If the OP wants to do something, she should simply tell her friend and say “It might be nothing, but I know I’d want to know in the same position”. If her best friend really is her best friend, she’ll appreciate OP is telling her out of genuine concern. It’s a tough enough situation without creating an extra little “secret squirrel” drama.

Comeonbabylightmyfire · 17/10/2025 12:09

No idea on dating apps but if you have any doubts then tell your friend. That’s what friends do isn’t it? Maybe it’s innocent but you can’t not tell her.

Original poster
SofiaJessica4 · 17/10/2025 12:29

Update - Thanks everyone. I've told my friend now and she's confronting her husband. I sent her the screenshots

OP posts:
ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 17/10/2025 12:30

I would have kept my powder dry, to be honest.

ItalianChineseIndianMexican · 17/10/2025 12:47

SofiaJessica4 · 17/10/2025 12:29

Update - Thanks everyone. I've told my friend now and she's confronting her husband. I sent her the screenshots

Hope it has a good outcome OP.

Irritatedandsad · 17/10/2025 12:48

I would have to tell my friend. Don't just send a random text with a screen shot. I would call and tell her that I have something to tell her and you don't want to get involved but thought she should know and that it could be innocent. Ask her if she would want to know some information or not about her husband. As you don't want it to come between your friendship but you can't just leave it now you know.

Original poster
SofiaJessica4 · 17/10/2025 13:45

So my friends husband has said he was on bumble bff not bumble dating. She's asked him to delete both profiles but honestly Im not convinced he's not been on the dating mode, because they are kept separate. I've been on bumble bff for years and it is separate to the dating bit. Oh well, I've done my part

OP posts:
lovecookiedough · 17/10/2025 13:50

You are right he wouldn’t show in dating results for bff it’s separate. Well she knows now, so it’s down to her, it might be a while before she actually believes who he really is.

washinwashoutrepeat · 17/10/2025 13:52

You have done all you can do. It’s up to them now. I think you are a wonderful friend BTW!

Original poster
SofiaJessica4 · 17/10/2025 13:53

@washinwashoutrepeat thank you!! my friend is wonderful and I felt confident it wouldn't damage our friendship. But I was Ok telling her either way as I just couldn't not x

OP posts:
ForTipsyFinch · 17/10/2025 13:53

It won’t be an old profile. Bumble doesn’t show inactive profiles to other users. Certainly not ones from over a year ago.