Obnoxious Dating Profile?

WiseAdviceNeededPlease · 2025-10-15T03:08:37+00:00

Would you find this obnoxious / a red flag in a dating profile? "Note that I am lean and fit and am physically attracted to the same body type in terms of chemistry - admittedly quite superficial of me (apologies.)" This is part of an otherwise ok dating profile of a 49 year old man (supposedly looking for a serious relationship) who messaged me. Is this is a posh version of "No fatties" or "Don't waste my time if you don't have a hot body."? and would it be a hard pass for you? Thanks!

Hurumphh · 15/10/2025 04:31

He hasn’t said anything about weight or being fat. I think it’s touched a nerve for you on something that isn’t there. It’s biological reality that we’re attracted to fit, healthy people, and it’s easier to maintain a fit and healthy lifestyle if you’re coupled with someone of a similar outlook, so it’s reasonable for him to look for that similarity. If it bothers you, maybe you’re not a good match in that respect? Whether that’s a dealbreaker is up to you to figure out.

Beekman · 15/10/2025 04:39

You’re right, he means no fatties. The preference itself is fine but there is no need to put it on a dating profile, just exchange photos and make your own choice from that.

“No hairy pussies, I don’t have time for that” was the more repugnant thing I ever saw on a dating profile. Mate, you’re lucky a woman lets you anywhere near her vulva, hairy or not. Bet he wasn’t baldy balls either.

Springtimehere · 15/10/2025 04:43

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Original poster

WiseAdviceNeededPlease · 15/10/2025 04:48

Beekman · 15/10/2025 04:39

You’re right, he means no fatties. The preference itself is fine but there is no need to put it on a dating profile, just exchange photos and make your own choice from that.

“No hairy pussies, I don’t have time for that” was the more repugnant thing I ever saw on a dating profile. Mate, you’re lucky a woman lets you anywhere near her vulva, hairy or not. Bet he wasn’t baldy balls either.

Wow!!! That's a corker. I suppose in a way it's quite helpful when someone shows you right away that they are utterly foul.
I agree with you about the "lean and fit" middle aged guy. Why does he make a statement out of his preference instead of just looking at the photos / interests like everyone else. Perhaps he's trying to screen out women using out of date pics or letting you know that if you get with him you better stay in shape!

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IvedoneitagainhaventI · 15/10/2025 04:51

Well he is obviously only looking for a serious relationship with someone he doesn't consider fat.

I wonder if his previous serious relationships ended because his partners committed the heinous sin of putting on a bit of weight?

Original poster

WiseAdviceNeededPlease · 15/10/2025 04:55

Hurumphh · 15/10/2025 04:31

He hasn’t said anything about weight or being fat. I think it’s touched a nerve for you on something that isn’t there. It’s biological reality that we’re attracted to fit, healthy people, and it’s easier to maintain a fit and healthy lifestyle if you’re coupled with someone of a similar outlook, so it’s reasonable for him to look for that similarity. If it bothers you, maybe you’re not a good match in that respect? Whether that’s a dealbreaker is up to you to figure out.

I think the nerve for me if there is one, is the fact that he's basically 50 years old and mandating that you have to be lean and fit which suggests that he's not subscribing to the "in sickness and in health" version of a committed relationship. Sometimes being fit and lean is not 100% within your control as you age and may experience illness. Does his requirement mean that you get chucked on the scrap heap if you are no longer able to keep up?

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SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 15/10/2025 05:01

Is this is a posh version of "No fatties" or "Don't waste my time if you don't have a hot body."?

Yes.

I think even if you are naturally gamine i would give it a swerve as it very honestly it sounds like a recipe for conditional love.
What if god forbid you got sick and needed steroids or broke your leg or got depressed and gained a stone....

He is free to have criteria but it would a No thank you from me.

Hurumphh · 15/10/2025 05:02

I think you’re nitpicking. If you want to toss him back, toss him back. But think about it in terms of other qualities/traits - you wouldn’t exactly go around looking for a fat, ill, poor person out of work etc.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with looking for a reasonably fit, healthy, financially stable, employed, mentally sound etc person, AND it can still be true that you’d still accept and hold each other if any difficulties crop up during a relationship.

The dating process is for you to get to know each other deeper and clearly one of the things you need to suss out with this one is whether he really is as shallow as you’re assuming, or whether you’ve got some prejudice you need to shed.

Original poster

WiseAdviceNeededPlease · 15/10/2025 05:03

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 15/10/2025 05:01

Is this is a posh version of "No fatties" or "Don't waste my time if you don't have a hot body."?

Yes.

I think even if you are naturally gamine i would give it a swerve as it very honestly it sounds like a recipe for conditional love.
What if god forbid you got sick and needed steroids or broke your leg or got depressed and gained a stone....

He is free to have criteria but it would a No thank you from me.

Edited

This is how I feel.

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DancingNotDrowning · 15/10/2025 05:10

He’s expressing what he wants and it’s not just about body type it’s lifestyle and that’s why it’d be a hard no from me me.

I’m lean but definitely not fit and if I was looking I’d have no interest in a man who was keen to spend every evening in the gym, weekends hiking small mountains having breakfasted on kale smoothies and egg white omelettes.

Iamfree · 15/10/2025 05:24

But there are lots of lean and fit 50 year old women. I wouldn’t have considered a man with a beer belly or unfit because I go to the gym daily and I watch what I eat. it’s also a lifestyle- we can go hiking together or try a new sport etc etc. I admire him for putting it in writing. If you’re not fit, move on and find someone who likes your body type. Sorry but no patience for this, in 2025 there’s no excuse for not being fit with all the info and gyms we have

Original poster

WiseAdviceNeededPlease · 15/10/2025 05:31

Iamfree · 15/10/2025 05:24

But there are lots of lean and fit 50 year old women. I wouldn’t have considered a man with a beer belly or unfit because I go to the gym daily and I watch what I eat. it’s also a lifestyle- we can go hiking together or try a new sport etc etc. I admire him for putting it in writing. If you’re not fit, move on and find someone who likes your body type. Sorry but no patience for this, in 2025 there’s no excuse for not being fit with all the info and gyms we have

Edited

Do you not know anyone who has been fit but become unfit due to illness? That's quite surprising.

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Highlighta · 15/10/2025 05:33

I think this is quite normal in an old profile these days.

He is making his preference clear. I am not sure why this particular profile has triggered you to make a whole post about it.

Bobbie12345678 · 15/10/2025 05:36

WiseAdviceNeededPlease · 15/10/2025 05:31

Do you not know anyone who has been fit but become unfit due to illness? That's quite surprising.

Show quote history

I think it is one thing to stay with someone you love and have history with through illness. To lose the ability to do things you enjoy together (eg fitness for this man) but have memories of doing them.

It is another thing to start a relationship with someone who cannot or will not do things you enjoy with you.

Would you be questioning it if someone posted ‘I need a partner who enjoys chips and watching tv with me. No exercise here. Just let me be me’. Or would you say good on them for knowing what they want in a partner and looking for it.

I suspect this man’s preferences just hurt a bit because you maybe don’t fit his type?

You are lying to yourself if you think we don’t all have types that we prefer over others.

LupaMoonhowl · 15/10/2025 05:38

Surely better to be upfront about preferences to avoid wasting time. I would not date a fat man who sat around watching TV and eating rubbish, so why shouldn’t he specify the lifestyle he wants?

Original poster

WiseAdviceNeededPlease · 15/10/2025 05:47

Bobbie12345678 · 15/10/2025 05:36

I think it is one thing to stay with someone you love and have history with through illness. To lose the ability to do things you enjoy together (eg fitness for this man) but have memories of doing them.

It is another thing to start a relationship with someone who cannot or will not do things you enjoy with you.

Would you be questioning it if someone posted ‘I need a partner who enjoys chips and watching tv with me. No exercise here. Just let me be me’. Or would you say good on them for knowing what they want in a partner and looking for it.

I suspect this man’s preferences just hurt a bit because you maybe don’t fit his type?

You are lying to yourself if you think we don’t all have types that we prefer over others.

Show quote history

I do fit his type that's why he messaged me, but what he has written makes me uncomfortable. I'm trying to figure out why (with the help of MN) I think it's because his personality seems demanding, A man who has a more accepting attitude towards women's bodies would be more attractive to me. You can be and active without being "lean". He is saying he won't be attracted to you if for some reason he feels you are no longer "fit and lean" which seems cold and a bit harsh.

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TulipCat · 15/10/2025 05:52

It sounds like he's not the one for you, which happens a lot in online dating. Just crack on to the next one. People are allowed to have physical and lifestyle preferences, he's just stating his, no need for overthinking it if that doesn't match yours.

Original poster

WiseAdviceNeededPlease · 15/10/2025 05:56

Highlighta · 15/10/2025 05:33

I think this is quite normal in an old profile these days.

He is making his preference clear. I am not sure why this particular profile has triggered you to make a whole post about it.

I'm analyzing the dating profiles of some of the men who contact me to help me make good choices / avoid negative experiences. I have found some of the responses in this thread very helpful.

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dollyblue01 · 15/10/2025 06:00

I think it’s fair enough that he is saying he wants someone who looks after themselves possibly in the gym, no harm in saying what you’d prefer, better that , than going to meet someone who isn’t your type tbf.

LupaMoonhowl · 15/10/2025 07:00

There is a FB group called B2B where they endlessly analyze profiles for ‘rhetorical patterns’ to ridicule men on various grounds based on the wording. I’m sure they’d identify a ‘rhetorical pattern’ in this one.
Poor guys -they clearly say what they want/if you don’t like them. just scroll past !

TwistedWonder · 15/10/2025 07:53

I remember one where a 60 something very average looking bloke who looked every minute of his age posted ‘I’m very young for my age and looking for a FWB who is at least an 8 maximum age 50, no bigger than a size 10 who must be available for discreet daytime fun’

I have a feeling he’ll be waiting a long time

Brightbluesomething · 15/10/2025 08:05

There’s nothing wrong with stating physical preferences, saves time and weeds out those who won’t ever be attractive to you. So I’d look at the profile and swipe left. The typical MAMIL is not my type at all. Some profiles say things like curvy ladies swipe right so it’s just a version of this.
It does highlight how focussed someone is on physical appearance instead of judging it from photos and only swiping on those that meet their preferences. I do judge men like this to be fairly shallow, not only through pure bias (which I’m happy to admit) but also personal experience.

VoodooQualities · 15/10/2025 08:17

Seems fine to me. I wouldn't be attracted to anyone fat or unhealthy either.

And you're way over-analysing if you think this means, two years into the relationship, he'd leave you because you put on weight after some unavoidable illness.

He's just saying he wants someone fit because he's fit himself.

Elixir86 · 15/10/2025 08:24

It wouldn't be for me, but that's because I don't fit that preference. The fact that he's put it eloquently means something from my perspective. I'd rather someone who is able to effectively and politely share what attracts them than someone who calls people a "fatty" or uses derogatory terminology and that shows a rudeness and disrespect of people who are different.

DurinsBane · 15/10/2025 08:47

Iamfree · 15/10/2025 05:24

But there are lots of lean and fit 50 year old women. I wouldn’t have considered a man with a beer belly or unfit because I go to the gym daily and I watch what I eat. it’s also a lifestyle- we can go hiking together or try a new sport etc etc. I admire him for putting it in writing. If you’re not fit, move on and find someone who likes your body type. Sorry but no patience for this, in 2025 there’s no excuse for not being fit with all the info and gyms we have

Edited

No excuse? There are a few excuses. Illness for one, some people have health problems that don’t allow them to exercise, or makes them put on weight. Should these people not be allowed to date? Yes the guy can of course have his preferences, nothing wrong with that, but you can’t say there is no excuse for not being fit.