Obnoxious Dating Profile?

[WiseAdviceNeededPlease]

Would you find this obnoxious / a red flag in a dating profile?
"Note that I am lean and fit and am physically attracted to the same body type in terms of chemistry - admittedly quite superficial of me (apologies.)"
This is part of an otherwise ok dating profile of a 49 year old man (supposedly looking for a serious relationship) who messaged me.
Is this is a posh version of "No fatties" or "Don't waste my time if you don't have a hot body."? and would it be a hard pass for you?
Thanks!

It’s just unnecessary? Anyone can see what he looks like. He can swipe left on anyone he doesn’t like the look of. So basically he’s a bit narcissistic- and he’s saying looks are more important than personality. Meh

I would pass on this guy because he hasn’t stated he wants someone who enjoys exercising so they can do things together- no; he just wants an appearance.
I find that I’m not attracted to men who are so focused on what their partner looks like, they can’t get to know someone on a deeper level.

hard pass. He’s not got long term potential. Everyone ages… people go through bodily changes. He sounds shallow and boring.

I think it's ok. He's just spelling it out.

I wouldn't be interested in anyone who lists going to the gym and have profile pics to match. People with those interests usually want other people with those interests. I am unable to do those things and do not find it interesting.

Sports maybe. That's a bit different to people who spend hours in the gym. Depends.

Bit I think it's good. He's saving time. He's not rude.

It's his profile, his dating life, he can have whatever he wants. It may mean that he misses out on someone who meets his criteria but is put off by his attitude, so be it.

I saw a profile once during covid that said "most of you should have a paper bag over your head, let alone just a face mask"

I'd swipe left on your guy, as someone slim and active. If its so much of an issue its in his profile, no one is probably good enough!

I mean I think it’s absolutely fine to express and to have a preference but I think your attitude tips into judgemental with the “no excuse” thing as if people don’t suffer from illness or have disabilities.

He's set his shingle out and thats the one where he shows you that he's honest/ judgemental depending on how you view it.

Personally I'd give him a body (!) swerve.

We’ve all got physical attributes we find attractive and ones we don’t, I don’t see any problem with stating preferences. It’s got to be better than the ‘any holes a goal’ types.

He can mandate what he likes, everyone is entitled to have standards/boundaries. Who the hell is thinking as far ahead as “in sickness and in health” at the dating app stage?!

A vulnerable relative has a husband who said at the start of the relationship that he would leave her if she put on weight.
Guess what, both daughters have eating disorders from having their confidence mashed by that utter twunt.

He's not looking for a committed relationship though. He's looking for someone to date.

This is the fundamental difference in dating for men and women. Obviously I'm generalising here, but women go into every first date evaluating whether they want to spend their life with that person. Men go into them it evaluating whether they want a second date, and then a third.

Committed relationships aren't something men go looking for, it's something they find themselves in.

He's not saying he won't love you in 10 years if you've got a disability and your body has changed, because he's not thought that far ahead. He's saying he doesn't want to date someone right now who isn't fit. He hasn't even thought about what he'd do in the hypothetical situation in 10 years, it's never even crossed his mind.

It's a twatty way to put a reasonable preference.

It's OK to be most attracted to lean and fit body types, and to prefer a partner who's interested in keeping themselves lean and fit to the best of their ability. I'm like that. Not attracted to beer bellies or dad bods at all.

But "physically attracted to the same body type in terms of chemistry" is such a wanky way of conveying that, and the mea culpa doesn't fix it. Just say you're into sports and keeping fit, and are looking for a partner with the same interests.

And as someone who is attracted to lean, fit men - you should always bear in mind that if you're looking for a life partner, aging will happen. They will not necessarily stay lean and fit and nor will you. This lean, fit 49-year-old is one sporting injury away from being inactive for six months and then what will he look like?

^^ 100% this - he has expressed a lifestyle preference- which everyone is perfectly entitled to do

I think it's quite hard to express that you'd like a partner who enjoys keeping fit and exercising without coming across as judgemental! I suppose you can say that your hobbies are fell running, mountain climbing and gym going and you'd like someone to accompany you on these activities, but then he'd run the risk of meeting someone who hates all those things but doesn't mind sitting in the car with a packet of sandwiches watching her bloke do them.

There's not really any good and tactful way of putting 'I'd like someone to go running and hiking with', is there? Without making anyone who can't run and hike feel second best? It's a shame, but there it is.

I swerve profiles like this despite having the kind of body type he probably broadly wants. Because it means ‘if you put on weight, I reserve the right to tell you I was always clear I didn’t want that’. And weight isn’t always within our control, for lots of reasons. For me that’s a red flag. It’s someone thinking they can future-proof in a specific way.

Being lean doesn't mean you're necessarily healthy. I wouldn't like to see that on a profile. It just sounds like he thinks a lot about his own appearance, very vain and looks orientated. I'd be thinking he might be lacking in the upstairs department.

I mean I'm really skinny but I'm far from healthy. And I hate the idea of men judging women on their bodies.

I think it’s fine. Best to be upfront if he’s that fussy, rather than waste anyone’s time. I don’t like thin men.

It's not a "lifestyle preference" though is it? It's a body type preference. He says himself it's superficial so he's fully aware he's talking about looks, not lifestyle.
And it is perfectly possible to be fit and athletic, without being lean. Look our our wonderful world cup winning Red Roses for examples of super fit, strong, agile women who are not "lean"
It totally is a posh way of saying "no fat birds" . He owns it himself so I'm not sure why other people are trying to paint it as something else, or excuse him.

Guess my cousin should refuse the steroid part of her cancer treatment in case it makes her put on weight

I fully understand your perspective about lifestyle and being active etc - you want someone who supports you in that and who you can do those things together with and who understands the work you're putting into your fitness 100%. But this guy is specifically talking about body type in his partner- "I am physically attracted to the same body type in terms of chemistry" that's not the same as saying I would like a partner who also enjoys being active and prioritises their health and fitness. You don't need to be fit in order to be lean. So I agree with you op I think it's a bit shallow (at least he owns that) and I would be put off by it in a dating profile because (especially for women) bodies change a lot over the years so if he can't understand that and it matters enough for him to mark it in that way as opposed to just looking at your profile pic and meeting you eventually then it's a problem. I'd also say there's a range to what people consider lean and fit so it's hard to know exactly what he's looking for because it depends on what his individual threshold is .

If he is lean and fit then I don’t see what is wrong with him staring he is attracted to similar. If he was a fat slob then it’d be different. I think he says it in an ok way and recognises it.

He's being perfectly reasonable. He's looking for someone with similar values and interests (health and fitness) to share his time with.

Body type isn't just cosmetic. I had a date with someone overweight and unfit once, and they had to abandon the undemanding walk we took. Why would anyone start a relationship with a person unable to do activities that they enjoy?

I mean fair enough we do all have our preferences but him actually saying this out loud makes me think he's pretty shallow and that he might be judgmental. I don't think I could live with somebody like this.

So yes I think I personally would probably swerve him to be honest because like others have said what happens if life gets in the way and you do put on a little bit of weight is he going to be really condemnatory about it.

I am dating a very fit and active 55 year old but he'd never say anything like that. Because he's not a total dick.

I don't find it obnoxious but it would certainly be sufficient to put me off responding to this man, even if I fitted his requirements which I don't! It is actually helpful that he has been this upfront about this, as it means you can immediately rule him out as a potential date. I would not want the pressure of having to maintain a "lean and fit" body in order to remain attractive in a long term relationship.

When I was on OLD I ended up putting fitness in my profile due to the constant likes/comments about my body and attractiveness from men who were, frankly, very large. I lost track of the number of them that would send a comment along the lines of “so many women these days don’t take care of themselves like you!” while being 10st+ overweight. It was making me aggravated at the entire process so I added the “I’m looking for” prompt and included something about “someone who is also fit.” It solved the issue almost completely.