meeting EXH’s new girlfriend

EllaPepper · 2025-10-14T21:48:23+00:00

i’ve been divorced about 7 minutes (ok, 3 months). EXH’s new girlfriend has been on the scene for 8 weeks. all seems very intense. She is meeting my DS x 2 on friday (teenagers), and i am meeting her the following week at a family birthday dinner which she has already been invited to. looking for some light hearted advice / experience of what to say and what not to say to her. any hilarious stories welcome too! x

MyLimeGuide · 14/10/2025 22:56

Sounds like a rebound relationship to me. Shame you have to meet her so soon! Similar situation for me approaching....

Humanswarm · 15/10/2025 08:48

How do your Ds's feel about it? Even for teens that's a lot to absorb? You seem to be taking it quite lightly, or that's how it comes across..are you okay really?
I didn't have the fortune of being introduced to my exs new partner. I went round one day to drop the kids off and knocked the door, she opened it, saw it was me, and hid behind the door, I wasn't invited in, but did spend ten minutes making small talk to my ex while she hid behind the door. I shouted lovely to meet you, as I left. Four years down the line and I still haven't met her.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 15/10/2025 08:53

My mum left my dad and introduced her boyfriend to me very quickly when I was a teenager. That was 40 years ago and I still shake my head in disbelief. Please speak to your children and ask them if they want to meet her yet or if they need some time. I’d also ask them if they want to go to the family dinner. As your EX is bringing his girlfriend, I’d assume this is for someone on his side of the family? In which case i wouldn’t be going. It’s ok to protect yourself and your children. You don’t have to be rude, but you don’t have to pretend and play happy families either. Your EX sounds like a completely insensitive dick.

Lennonjingles · 15/10/2025 09:02

I would rather a short meet up with her before deciding whether I could endure sitting through a whole meal. I think it would be hard to go out of my way to be nice to her though, but I would be civil. I would probably just sit and watch them together, I would tell myself not to drink too much, but I usually drink too much when nervous, so anything may be said.

Original poster

EllaPepper · 15/10/2025 16:57

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 15/10/2025 08:53

My mum left my dad and introduced her boyfriend to me very quickly when I was a teenager. That was 40 years ago and I still shake my head in disbelief. Please speak to your children and ask them if they want to meet her yet or if they need some time. I’d also ask them if they want to go to the family dinner. As your EX is bringing his girlfriend, I’d assume this is for someone on his side of the family? In which case i wouldn’t be going. It’s ok to protect yourself and your children. You don’t have to be rude, but you don’t have to pretend and play happy families either. Your EX sounds like a completely insensitive dick.

Edited

unfortunately EXH has invited her to DS 18th birthday meal - didn’t ask anyone (did someone say insensitive sick?). and yes i agree, i don’t have to play happy families do i? feel pressured to keep the piece a bit.

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InMyShowgirlEra · 15/10/2025 17:18

How long have you actually been separated for? Giving when you got divorced isn't really that relevant as we all know that can take years to be finalised. I would just be polite and talk to her like you'd talk to any other normal person. Whatever faults your ex may have, she's not responsible for them.

thatWasnt · 15/10/2025 17:20

EllaPepper · 15/10/2025 16:57

unfortunately EXH has invited her to DS 18th birthday meal - didn’t ask anyone (did someone say insensitive sick?). and yes i agree, i don’t have to play happy families do i? feel pressured to keep the piece a bit.

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Then it’s up to your Ds who is there not ex. Sorry you are having to go through this

RogerR4bbit · 15/10/2025 17:21

Does your DS want his Dad’s new GF at his 18th? It doesn’t seem the best way to celebrate becoming an adult 🙄

NotoriousABC · 15/10/2025 17:24

I would just be pleasant and polite to her, there’s no reason not to be?

Xmasangel1505 · 15/10/2025 17:24

At least you got told 😂 my ex was playing happy families with his affair partner for the last 7 months while asking my teenagers not to tell me, putting them in an awful position. Wouldn’t have minded but I knew they were together so they didn’t need to ask the kids to lie to me.

on the other hand, my kids found the whole situation strange (their words) and loved coming home for a bit of normal. They didn’t have to think about it and could just be themselves as they’ve always been and not worry about a new person catching them in their boxers rummaging in the kitchen cupboards 😂

I have to say, when my eldest turns 18 in a few months I won’t be doing a joint celebration with my ex. I’ll be making plans separately to celebrate with my son and my family 😊

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 15/10/2025 17:25

I’m also curious on the separation date/divorce date discrepancy.

Original poster

EllaPepper · 15/10/2025 20:00

we have been seperated for 18 months now. thanks for all your comments. yes i will be polite to her, and will also make separate birthday plans in future for sure….

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Original poster

EllaPepper · 15/10/2025 20:01

Xmasangel1505 · 15/10/2025 17:24

At least you got told 😂 my ex was playing happy families with his affair partner for the last 7 months while asking my teenagers not to tell me, putting them in an awful position. Wouldn’t have minded but I knew they were together so they didn’t need to ask the kids to lie to me.

on the other hand, my kids found the whole situation strange (their words) and loved coming home for a bit of normal. They didn’t have to think about it and could just be themselves as they’ve always been and not worry about a new person catching them in their boxers rummaging in the kitchen cupboards 😂

I have to say, when my eldest turns 18 in a few months I won’t be doing a joint celebration with my ex. I’ll be making plans separately to celebrate with my son and my family 😊

ha! this is exactly what my boys are like - barely decent PJs and a lot of farts! i would be sad to think they couldn’t be like this at their dads house. but like you said they can come home for normal then.

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SallyDraperGetInHere · 15/10/2025 20:02

EllaPepper · 15/10/2025 16:57

unfortunately EXH has invited her to DS 18th birthday meal - didn’t ask anyone (did someone say insensitive sick?). and yes i agree, i don’t have to play happy families do i? feel pressured to keep the piece a bit.

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Completely inappropriate for him to have done that IMO.

MyLimeGuide · 15/10/2025 20:05

SallyDraperGetInHere · 15/10/2025 20:02

Completely inappropriate for him to have done that IMO.

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I agree, what a twat.

Beamur · 15/10/2025 20:10

You are formally divorced and have been separated for 18 months. Whilst I get you may still be sore, that's a perfectly reasonable amount of time to start a new relationship.
This woman is no threat to you.
The people you make uncomfortable by being weird about this are your children.
My DH, his ex, her new husband and me all used to show up and take the kids out for their birthday. This has continued way beyond childhood - kids are now in their 30's and we will still go out for dinner together.
It's actually pretty civilised. I have even grown to be friends with my husbands ex wife.

MiddleAgedDread · 15/10/2025 20:13

Wooooah she’s going to an 18th family party of a DS she’s not yet even met?? Totally inappropriate and I agree it should be DS’s decision. And I say this as someone dating someone with a teenager. Although 18months in and I’ve never met his ex! I’ve been to one school event where she was there too but we didn’t have a face to face meeting. Birthdays are definitely celebrated separately and I’d only go if D”S”D invited me.

AmyDuPlantier · 15/10/2025 20:15

You were separated for 16 months before he started seeing her? I don’t see the issue at all - or at least if there is an issue it’s yours, not his, and certainly not hers.

DaisyDayz · 15/10/2025 20:25

She’s quite ballsy to turn up at a birthday after only meeting the kids once. I wouldn’t be impressed with that.

To be honest I’d probably not engage with her at all apart from a polite smile when she’s introduced, then look away and start conversation with kids. Then if ex tries to draw you into conversation say in a stage whisper “I thought you were joking when you said you’d invited her without checking with me and the kids first! But you actually brought her - to a family dinner! Wow. Anyway that happened so just Remind me - what’s her name again?”

DaisyDayz · 15/10/2025 20:26

AmyDuPlantier · 15/10/2025 20:15

You were separated for 16 months before he started seeing her? I don’t see the issue at all - or at least if there is an issue it’s yours, not his, and certainly not hers.

Really? I think he’s a selfish arse. Way to make the birthday about him and force his new piece onto what should be an occasion for his child to read and celebrate. Kids aren’t dumb they will know this is hard on their mum.

AmyDuPlantier · 15/10/2025 20:45

Yeah the birthday thing is too much but apart from that, isn’t it time to move on? A year and a half down the line? Come on.

AmyDuPlantier · 15/10/2025 20:46

Also - new ‘piece’??? She’s his girlfriend, partner, whatever you want to call it. Not his other woman.

Original poster

EllaPepper · 15/10/2025 21:29

thanks all. to be clear (and sorry i haven’t made this clear), i am completely fine about him having a new partner. i have been considering dating options too. what concerns me is the pace - they’ve been on maybe 4-5 dates over 8 weeks, and she is already meeting family, and muscling in on this birthday dinner. i don’t think i would consider introducing my DSs to a new partner for many many months…..you know?

yes, a polite smile and nod and then move on i think.

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wheresmymojo · 15/10/2025 23:37

Just be careful of projecting motivations or behaviour onto her that may well not be the case - you say she’s “muscling in..” but she may well have raised it as possibly being inappropriate with your ex-H and he’s (incorrectly) put her fears to rest for all you/we know…

babyproblems · 15/10/2025 23:48

Way way way way way too soon imo. For anyone to meet anyone. I would not be happy about her meeting the teenagers after such a short time. No way from me. This sounds like hell on earth! Are you feeling settled and at peace since the divorce etc? I can’t imagine feeling ok with this after only a few months. I think it would take me at the very least a year maybe more!