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Original poster

meeting EXH’s new girlfriend

82 replies

EllaPepper · 14/10/2025 22:48

i’ve been divorced about 7 minutes (ok, 3 months). EXH’s new girlfriend has been on the scene for 8 weeks. all seems very intense. She is meeting my DS x 2 on friday (teenagers), and i am meeting her the following week at a family birthday dinner which she has already been invited to. looking for some light hearted advice / experience of what to say and what not to say to her. any hilarious stories welcome too! x

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/10/2025 08:35

Just ‘let him’ show his kids how silly he is and embarrass himself

KimHwn · 16/10/2025 08:43

How do you know how many dates they've been on? If your ex is oversharing and pushing her into your lives, I'd wonder whether he's trying to make you jealous.
There's nothing wrong with him being in a relationship, as you've said yourself. I'd question why she's going to the 18th birthday celebration, but knowing men, I wouldn't be surprised if she's been told that everyone wants her there and it's all completely cool...
I've always found that once the awkward feelings pass, my exes new partners are lovely. Remember that she is choosing to be with him just like you did, and she's vulnerable to any difficulties he may present. I've always been friendly and chatty- a bit like I'd be with a brother's new gf, say- and it's worked out well.

User2025meow · 16/10/2025 09:11

Nope, completely inappropriate. The reasonable timeframe for introducing a new partner to kids is six months and I feel couples separating should have this discussion early enough on, before they meet partners. I wouldn’t go and would rather celebrate their birthdays separately. She’s practically a stranger. Very selfish behavior on his part.

AmyDuPlantier · 16/10/2025 09:44

To not go is the worst option for the son though.

I think the OP should just go and make everything as amicable and normal and celebratory for the son as possible.

The ex has made the wrong decision but that can be either negated or amplified by how the OP deals with it.

jeaux90 · 16/10/2025 09:56

She sounds like she has odd boundaries but maybe the ex is encouraging this. If I was her I’d be keeping the dating really separate whilst I worked out whether he was a fully functioning adult!

Anyway, I’d ask the DS what they want, it’s their boundaries that are the priority

SparklyGlitterballs · 16/10/2025 10:07

Wow, completely inappropriate. Will it me a large number of family going so that you can focus on other people and not be caught having to chat much to her?

Meandmyguy · 16/10/2025 10:29

Try to remember she will be just as nervous about meeting you op.

I'm with my boyfriend 4 years in November and he has never met my children.

Giantsandcastle · 16/10/2025 10:29

My exh has been similarly fast-moving and emotionally tone-deaf with regard to the dcs' feelings. I started a thread about it over the summer.

You just have to suck it up and be as normal and gracious as possible, for the kids' sake.

MeganM3 · 16/10/2025 10:37

It is a completely inappropriate event for her to be introduced. Ludicrous, but that will reflect on your Ex not on you.
I think the DC should be consulted on whether they even want to do this meal. They shouldn’t have to sit there and pretend to have a nice time under uncomfortable and unnecessary circumstances. They might decide it is better to do a bday meal / celebration separately with each parent & family / friends at two separate get togethers. It’s pretty soon to be merging such things, especially with new partners. Or they might decide to skip having a bday meal altogether which is what I would do if 18.

Sassylovesbooks · 16/10/2025 11:26

I do think inviting his new girlfriend of 8 weeks to his son's 18th birthday is inappropriate. The relationship is barely a relationship, and she's meeting his children and wider family. If I were her, I'd be wanting to step on the brake!!!! Too much, way too soon. You don't have to play happy families. However, if I were you, I'd deliberately introduce myself, be bright and breezy, have a brief polite chat, and then go and chat with someone else! You've then been amiable, no one can say you were 'off' or 'rude' and she goes away thinking you seem 'nice' - after all you don't know what your ex has told her about you or your marriage!!!

InMyShowgirlEra · 16/10/2025 12:17

MeganM3 · 16/10/2025 10:37

It is a completely inappropriate event for her to be introduced. Ludicrous, but that will reflect on your Ex not on you.
I think the DC should be consulted on whether they even want to do this meal. They shouldn’t have to sit there and pretend to have a nice time under uncomfortable and unnecessary circumstances. They might decide it is better to do a bday meal / celebration separately with each parent & family / friends at two separate get togethers. It’s pretty soon to be merging such things, especially with new partners. Or they might decide to skip having a bday meal altogether which is what I would do if 18.

Good grief, how fragile are these children meant to be? He's not suggested inviting a dragon, it's just a girlfriend. Maybe it's a bit quick and a lot of pressure for her but the only reason it would be weird and uncomfortable is if there's tension between OP and her which there doesn't need to be.

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/10/2025 12:19

EllaPepper · 15/10/2025 16:57

unfortunately EXH has invited her to DS 18th birthday meal - didn’t ask anyone (did someone say insensitive sick?). and yes i agree, i don’t have to play happy families do i? feel pressured to keep the piece a bit.

Show quote history

How does your son feel about that?
If he’s not happy, tell your husband.

Original poster
EllaPepper · 16/10/2025 15:37

thanks all for all your comments. i have now spoken to each DS - they have both done the typical teenage shoulder shrug and “yeah it’s fine i suppose”. (now wondering if i haven’t empowered them enough to say “no” to things, but don’t feel i can unpack that at the moment!). youngest (16) did say it seems a bit soon (and gave me a big hug which was very lovely). but both genuinely seem a bit nonplussed about it. which is fine. as one poster said, i will just be bright and breezy, a quick “hello!” and chat, then sit with other family for the evening. it’s a long table with about 12 of us, so space to get a bit of distance. focusing on DSs is the priority. i think i heard it on Bad Sisters (god that was fab wasn’t it), that you are only ever as happy as your most unhappy child. if the boys are fine, then i am fine. x

OP posts:
TMMC1 · 16/10/2025 15:53

Just treat her normally like anyone else you meet at a social event. You don’t need to be best friends, it’s in everyone’s interest for you to be able to attend events together and get on.

LittleJustice · 16/10/2025 16:09

It's also possible that they might have known each other for a longer than you think but have just not felt comfortable sharing and were waiting to make sure it was serious before introducing her.

I'm in a similar situation but reversed and my kids and ex don't yet know about my new partner. There seems no rush really to open that conversation.

18KTguy · 16/10/2025 16:12

do not do it. My ex moved in her now within 1 month, i refuse to meet him and after 6 months she dumped in because he was an idiot. She let the lesson with lesson to never introduce kids via being love bombed or too early.

woolandflowers · 16/10/2025 17:53

I would be mad if my dad invited his new girlfriend to my 18th birthday party after dating for about 5 minutes! This day is all about your DD and a huge milestone for her. Don’t worry about keeping the peace, your ex is the one who is being thoughtless and shouldn’t even have suggested it. Personally I would just do whatever your daughter wants because it’s her day and no one else’s. Good luck OP! Xx

Vodkamartini3olives · 16/10/2025 18:28

My limited experience is that teens just aren't that bothered. My son's best friend lives with his dad, who by all accounts has a new girlfriend every couple of months he meets them maybe a few times when they hang out at the house or stay over. I think you sound quite relaxed about the situation and they'll take that lead from you.

cloudtreecarpet · 16/10/2025 18:30

woolandflowers · 16/10/2025 17:53

I would be mad if my dad invited his new girlfriend to my 18th birthday party after dating for about 5 minutes! This day is all about your DD and a huge milestone for her. Don’t worry about keeping the peace, your ex is the one who is being thoughtless and shouldn’t even have suggested it. Personally I would just do whatever your daughter wants because it’s her day and no one else’s. Good luck OP! Xx

The OP has two sons, not daughters. Which is possibly relevant, teenage boys go with the flow a lot easier than girls when it comes to this kind of thing I think.

I wouldn't like it but if my kids liked her & wanted her there I would suck it up. It needs to be (or should be) their decision.

hazelowens · 16/10/2025 18:30

When I met my now ex husband he had been married before and he had a 10 yrs old and a 5 year old, both boys. I wasn't allowed to met them until at least 6 months had passed to make sure it was serious. This was all from him, he didn't want to upset his kids in anyway and I thought that was such a good thing to do. Fast Forward 17 yrs, we split up and he moves in with his side piece. Our boys were 13,10 and 7 and they knew what she looked like and where she lived as he had been taking them there and teaching her "self defense" in her bedroom. I am sure the man I married got taken and they left the idiot version when we were having a tough time so he went out looking or she set her sight on him and that was that.

pinkyredrose · 16/10/2025 18:31

EllaPepper · 15/10/2025 16:57

unfortunately EXH has invited her to DS 18th birthday meal - didn’t ask anyone (did someone say insensitive sick?). and yes i agree, i don’t have to play happy families do i? feel pressured to keep the piece a bit.

Show quote history

Does your son actually want her there?

TequilaNights · 16/10/2025 18:43

Such a big milestone birthday to meet his dad's new girlfriend

I wouldn't let that happen, totally inappropriate if you ask me.

Its supposed to all be about him, but instead you ex wants to steal the limelight with his new lady friend.

Contrarymary30 · 16/10/2025 18:57

Make sure you look fabulous. Think Princess Diana's revenge dress 😀

Original poster
EllaPepper · 16/10/2025 19:03

Contrarymary30 · 16/10/2025 18:57

Make sure you look fabulous. Think Princess Diana's revenge dress 😀

this is has absolutely gone through my mind too - spanx, wonderbra, the works Grin

OP posts:
NorthernLass2025 · 16/10/2025 19:06

Not sure what divorce time has to do with anything you've been separated a long time anyhow. That's part of split families keep the peace and happy children