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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

meeting EXH’s new girlfriend

82 replies

EllaPepper · 14/10/2025 22:48

i’ve been divorced about 7 minutes (ok, 3 months). EXH’s new girlfriend has been on the scene for 8 weeks. all seems very intense. She is meeting my DS x 2 on friday (teenagers), and i am meeting her the following week at a family birthday dinner which she has already been invited to. looking for some light hearted advice / experience of what to say and what not to say to her. any hilarious stories welcome too! x

OP posts:

Original poster

EllaPepper · 16/10/2025 23:25

thanks so much everyone. really value all your thoughts and comments. x

OP posts:

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 17/10/2025 00:14

This could be a rebound job or was he lining her up or seeing her bofore he left you.

I slso think you exhsband wss well.out of order inviting her to your sons birthday meal. He is your son not hers she doed not have a eay in the mstter.

Looks as though she cant wait to get her feet under tha table. l bet she will get pregnant real soon.as well

Give her a wife berth..Not to be trusted.

cloudtreecarpet · 17/10/2025 06:55

AmInotreallyfamily · 16/10/2025 23:04

Or have some respect for the ExH's new relationship and how his gf will feel? All new go's of an exH's are not evil witches 🙄

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The OP dressing up to the nines is about boosting her own confidence and making herself feel good, i don't see why it's seen as a slight towards the new gf in any way, how ridiculous.

ShouldITrust · 17/10/2025 07:04

Be polite, sit at the other end of the table & look your best but not OTT like you’ve tried too hard.

I agree it seems very soon in their relationship for all this to be happening. My ex & I let our DC choose who comes to their Bday meal.

LilacReader · 17/10/2025 13:04

EllaPepper · 15/10/2025 21:29

thanks all. to be clear (and sorry i haven’t made this clear), i am completely fine about him having a new partner. i have been considering dating options too. what concerns me is the pace - they’ve been on maybe 4-5 dates over 8 weeks, and she is already meeting family, and muscling in on this birthday dinner. i don’t think i would consider introducing my DSs to a new partner for many many months…..you know?

yes, a polite smile and nod and then move on i think.

To be honest, your message at the beginning I thought was pretty clear. You didn't seem in the least bit bothered by him having a girlfriend, it was more about introducing her at your child's 18th. I don't think it's fair on him at all and you definitely don't sound 'weird' about it (Beamur).
Not sure if there's a lot you can do except maybe try to explain to your ex that it would be better for your son to be introduced to her soon but not then. Mind you, if he's anything like my ex he would bring her out of spite then! Good luck x

Bellyblueboy · 18/10/2025 21:14

AmInotreallyfamily · 16/10/2025 22:59

No, but when its done to make sure Im aware in her eyes its still 'him and her' not the new dynamic it gets a bit grating after a while

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I think you are bringing your own baggage to this - and I assume issues with your own partners ex wife?

I hope you agree that arriving at a family birthday dinner for an 18 year old you have never met, as his dad’s very recent new girlfriend is tasteless and demonstrates high levels of emotional immaturity? While I recall you had issues with not being allowed to go to a funeral - but that’s very different to a birthday dinner for a teen!

I hope you are more sensitive about your partner’s children’s feelings that the new girlfriend in this scenario. I absolutely get that the dad is much more to blame here!

But I am always suspicious about people who muscle into family events because they think they have a ‘right to be there’ and everyone should be sent or of their feelings. this 18 year olds birthday dinner should not revolve around the fragile ego of a new girlfriend of his dad’s that he has never even met!

Suggesting the conversation should not involve any of his experiences with his parents when they were together is selfish on the extreme and says a lot about you.

Littlemisssavvy · 19/10/2025 17:18

My parents separated when i was a young child and both went on quickly to date other people, both remarried (in fact DD remarried twice more). The biggest thing i found difficult wasn’t meeting the new partners, if anything I was keen to meet them, it was the bitchiness between my parents about each other and their new partners and to this day I don’t feel comfortable having them all in the same place which is unavoidable for big events. So my advice would be to rise above DH, make your kids comfortable by being you most amazing player self.

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