Were you a virgin on your wedding night?

[howdoesshedoit]

Is it important?
I think it's nioce to wait for the right man, but I seem to be in the monority

MrsTittleMouse - I had the same problem the first 6 months or so after DD's birth. Gyne said he could kill the main nerve in that region with an injection so I would feel no pain (nor any pleasure probably, but hey ho, he didn't care)

I realized it was mostly because I was bone-dry down there, even when masturbating I would orgasm but still be completely dry. Is this the case with you?

Long story short, it took a while but sorted itself out in the end. I hope it does for you, too.

Sorry for thread hijack and TMI on innocents talking virginity

god no

who wants to be 'nice'?

No chance!

Why would being a virgin on your wedding night be better than not being a virgin anyway?

Cote - sadly not. DD is now 19 months (! - how did that happen?) and I haven't breastfed for 9 months, so dryness wasn't the issue. I had a lot of pain on standing/sitting/walking for any length of time too (giving up BF did help that), and the pain is very localised to my (enormous) epi scar (internal and external - it goes almost right up to the cervix). I also have skin tags at the entrance that get pulled during sex, and I did have what was politely called a "capacity" issue that was sorted out with dilators.
But apart from that, everything is fine. The ironic thing is that BFing didn't affect my libido or lubrication, so I had the desire but not the capacity to do anything about it.

Not married but have been with DP for 12 years now; we both had quite a few other partners before we met, and we are both fine with that. I find the whole idea of "saving yourself" very odd, as if there is something immoral or upsetting about "giving yourself" to a man you don't love.

Before I met DP, sex with guys who I just fancied was a lot of fun. I certainly don't feel it did anything to make sex with DP less special, once I found him. And I would certainly be wondering what other guys were like, if I'd only ever shagged DP.

Agree with what edam said earlier, too.

When I get married I won't be a virgin but I didn't lose my virginity until I was almost 26! Not for religious reasons but more because I never found myself in a position where I thought I loved someone enough to have sex with them. I had to be sure. I was also a little scared.

If I have daughters I would like for them to realise that Sex isn't always something only people who love eachother do, that some people have sex to feel good. But I also want them to realise that it's important that they should feel good about and love themselves and that they shouldn't do anything they don't want to do or feel ashamed for anything they do want to do.

No I wasn't and no, I don't think it is important.

I had been with DH since we were 16 (first proper relationship for us both). We got married 8 years laer, after finishing school and univeristy, and moving in together. For me - it was the right man, but we just didn't wait until married.

No, I wasn't, but DH is my only "one" iyswim.

I do sometimes wonder if I should have experienced more (tried to with my ex, but he was being all honourable - we were very on/off and he didn't want to do the whole devirgin thing if we weren't together properly. I wasn't impressed )

hell no . I had several steady relationships and quite a few flings before I met DH. We lived together four years before taking the plunge and don't regret it for a second. We were too tired on the wedding night for any nookie .

I have never understood the concept of virginity being precious. I'm all for choosing the right man and biding your time for losing your L-Plates, but sex is fun. What I want to know, is how people in committed relationships hold back until the wedding night

sorry!! just to clarify, that should be "together four years before taking the plunge and getting married". We didn't wait 4 years

MrsTittleMouse - you have my full sympathy and at the useless doctors who are meant to be looking after you. In a different way we're not that dissimilar - I had an epi + bad tear which left lots of scar tissue and has meant that 18 months on we still haven't managed it.

Luckily I had incredibly sympathetic medics and am just healing from a small op which removed the scar tissue and am hoping that will do the trick. Seems positive so far. Have you thought about asking for a second opinion? Since sex was such an important part of your life it would be a great shame for there to be a 'cure' out there, with your thoughtless doctors acting as an obstacle to you getting it.

I never contacted these people but you might get some useful help or information from the Birth Trauma Association: www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk.

I don't know if it's in your nature to be pushy when you need to, but it sounds to me like this would be something worth pushing for.

I wish you all the very, very best and hope things do improve for you.

(apologies OP for hijacking this thread!)

MrsTH - thank you. I did get a second opinion, as the first gynae I saw was patronising to the extreme, and completely useless. The new gynae recognised that there was a problem, but didn't think that I was a good candidate for surgery. It was very upsetting, as she told me that most women find penetrative sex "tolerable" after 18 months. I want a lot more than "tolerable"!
I am seeing her again next month though, and will keep pushing until things get sorted. It's more complicated, as I'm pregnant again (through fertility treatment). So a lot of my appointment will be about a VB vs CS for my next delivery.
I'm really glad that things worked out for you. I have found it difficult pushing for treatment, partly as I was exhausted looking after DD, partly because I was very depressed about the pain, and partly because it took visits to five different GPs just to see the first gynae!

Can I just say, "Ditto" to DG's post of Thu 05-Jun-08 19:07:41

i was and had a fantastic time
wanted to wait for the right one and he is.

I wasn't. TBH I am really surprised how many people on here were....not in a judgmental way just surprised as i didn't think many people were these days.

I don't get it myself, i mean, you have to try before you buy. What if you found yourself married to the man with the micro penis or someone who just didn't have a clue what to do with it? No, I would have to find out what I'm getting, (bit like sneaking a look at your pressies before you open them on Christmas day) before I committed myself, save any major disappointments when its all too late!

No, neither of us were. I don't think it is necessary.

I find it a bit of an outdated concept really.

no.i had 5 children.

i am quite shocked by the amount of women on this thread who have only ever slept with one man

A question (without trying to be controversial). Do those who have only ever slept with one man ever wonder what it would be like with someone else?

I was. I was for most of the honeymoon too, he didn't know what to do... I should have known from then really lol.

Why no, I wasn't. Dh was though.

Hi Cardy, in answer to your question, no, I don't!We met when I was 16 ( he is four years older) and we were both virgins at the time. We went on our first holiday together a couple of years later and 'did the deed', first time for both of us. We married two years later and are still together, and happy, in our forties. I have never slept with anyone else and I have absolute faith that he hasn't either. I know that for me, there is no need to even think about anyone else in that way because over the years we have learned together, what is good/not so good for each of us and since he can still turn me on with just a very sexy wink from across the room, I really have no need to wonder what it would be like with anyone else. And trust me, even having teenage kids doesn't stop us! There are many times when they would be shocked if they knew what mum and dad had just been doing! ( and where!) So, once again, no, there is more than enough excitement and fulfillment for me with my very real fantasy man who just happens to be my very dear husband!

Course I was - well not really, but I am proud to say I am still friends with the man who did do away with my virginity - and after 26 years I think that's not bad going! Proves to me he was a nice guy - still is. Idly wondering if his (extremely nice) dw posts on here ....