Were you a virgin on your wedding night?

[howdoesshedoit]

Is it important?
I think it's nioce to wait for the right man, but I seem to be in the monority

nope

v happy together still

both fell asleep on the night, apparently 60% of couples don't do it on their wedding night....

hahahahaha!!! snorts tea down nose where would i have got my pageboys and smallest bridesmaid from if I was ???

cadbury: how Sorry to hear that.

5 months pregnant at wedding so no.

Agree with expat wholeheartedly: I've had my experiences and so has DH. He's a great shag and so am I It just works like magic together.

I wouldn't want to save myself for anyone. There's such a build up of expectations and emotions that might be torn down and trampled on. Also, sex is great fun per se and I wouldn't have wanted to try only one guy for the rest of my life. (Presuming you get married for life.) Having had sex partners before I got married enables me to appreciate my husband's love-making a lot more and allows me to be totally confident in bed.

Especially for guys it's not good to have had only 1 girl. They are by nature and peer pressure bound to question what it would be like to 'diversify the portfolio'...and if he did that while married to you it would be as shite as him obsessing all the time what it would be like to sleep with x, y, z.

I was although we were too knackered on the wedding night and my husband flew back overseas two days later to complete an operational tour - so we didn't get any significant time together until he came home four months later.

Wasn't a big deal for us, as we felt it was the right thing to do. We'd been together for three years before we got married - eight years and two children later, we're still very happy.

Sex is only a big deal if you make it into a big deal.

Yes, I was! Oooh, I could tell you stories about what it was like, but...I won't.

I think it's rather lovely that sex in our relationship is unique to he and I...it also adds a significant layer of trust re fidelity. Not that you can have trust without that, but it's just an extra bonus.

Re sexual compatibility, don't you think that's like any other area of relational compatibility - i.e that you actually have to put some work in to get the results? Works for us!

My DH would have been a very frustrated man if we waited before we got married before having sex, we were together for 8 years! Although, maybe we would have got married earlier if we had not had sex first !!!

Was I heckers! I was 2 months pregnant!!

Nope, and I had no intention of 'saving myself for marriage' -wasn't planning on getting married to anyone, ever, for starters! Until I met the man who is now dh who obviously convinced me otherwise, bless him.

The idea of treating virginity as something 'special' seems a bit yucky to me. As if a hymen is the most important thing about someone.

I most certainly was not. But then I was 31 when I got married - he'd have had to get a hacksaw to my hymen if I'd held out that long.

Agree with edam totally.

I plan to be. How easy is it to become a born-again virgin?

I didn't lose my virginity particularly young, haven't had sex with that many men in my life (considering I'm not married and am 43). However if I had decided to wiat for marriage think I would be chewing on chair legs with frustration by now.

I don;t have a problem with "saving" yourself if thats what you want to do - why not. But I quite like sex and don't particularly see a moral imperative to wait for marriage to participate.

Hullygully! You are too funny, woman! What did your DH say?! I bet he was delighted!

Tigerfeet, you said it's an 'outdated' notion; I don't see what time has to do with whether you wait or not? That's surely a bit like saying being altruistic is an outdated notion which worked best in the days when we needed to rely on each other for survival. Surely if someone's happy to wait it has nothing to do with what year they're living in.

I was & so was DH

That was nearly 22 years ago. No regrets.

Hope my kids will also wait.

Obviously in the minority here though.

I think its an outdated notion expecting women to go into a marriage as virgins - if they choose o then fine.

In fact IIRC it was not particularly expected until the victorians. Although often you would marry the man you lost your virginity to the marriage waited until either you were pregnant (even tehn not always) or you could afford to set up home together otherwise you continues living with your parents.

It was a very common practice in our family... as was having children outside marriage.

Hi Kewcumber! How are you? I'd heard about that too - in fact marriage in itself is apparently a fairly modern notion as people would shack up, have kids and then decide to get wed since they'd started a family. As you said, it was primarily an economic decision.

Dita - sadly dh likes anal so didn't notice. Am having both orifices done for our next anniversary on the off chance.

To my mind, my brain and emotions are more important than a bit of my body- and I always reckoned that if I let a man get close enough and between my ears, it wasn't logical not to let him get between my legs as well!

It's about knowing the whole person- and I do think there is such a thing as sexual incompatability which is why waiting is not always sensible.

ExpatinScotland

"Well, as my wise grandmother said, 'You wouldn't buy a pair of shoes without trying them on in the shop first to see if they fit.'

Amen to that!"

Your grandmother doesn't sound very wise to me. Unless of course she was talking about shoes.

If that's how she regarded people I doubt she was ever genuinely in love. People are not interchangeable, shoes are. Especially if you've kept the receipt.

Who here would honestly end a relationship or put it on hold until the other party had earned your pass-mark in nookie?

Expat - pmsl

No, i most definitely was not! and glad i didnt marry some of the men i have slept with, i would be having a great sex life now!

i was 29 weeks pg with dc3 on our wedding day.

toad in the hole-

ME!

Having had one very sad very long term relationship end, with an older man who had sexual issues, then I would want to see if we got on in bed ,as well as out of bed, before tying the knot.

Why be so precious about it? It's only your body fgs!

sorry, i would not be having a great sex life now

i don't know about ending the relationship but what if they just couldnt do it for you? and i dont mean just orgasm, what if you couldnt fancy them anymore because they were rubbish? or it turned into a chore?

glad i tried before i buyed.

Agree with expat and drnortherner.

I hadn't been a virgin for close to 20 years when I met DH and had enough experience to know what I want. So when I 'tried the shoe on' I knew that I clicked better with him sexually than anyone I'd ever been with (and it had been very very good with certain men in my serial monogamous past) I knew he was the one to marry.