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Original poster

Just how much is a stay at home wife and mother worth in a divorce?

233 replies

JFDIYOLO · 20/09/2025 19:36

Reading some stories today of women in middle age whose husbands suddenly announce they are divorcing them - and that because the wives never had a 'proper job' or brought in any income while creating their family and home life, they are not entitled to any financial settlement ...

I got to thinking just what jobs SAH women do in a marriage, and what it would cost their husbands to hire in those services, if they did not have that free labour under their roof?

These home roles spring to mind ...

Surrogacy / adoption costs and fees if applicable where you are
Nanny
Nurse
First aider
Childminder / babysitter
Chauffeur
Social secretary and kinkeeper
Medical secretary
PA
Housekeeper
Shopper and grocery delivery service
Cook
Scullery maid / pot washer
Waitress
Cleaner
Laundry and ironing service
Gardener
Dog walker / dog trainer / pet sitter
Mediator / negotiator
Teacher
Dressmaker
Interior designer / decorator

Just noticed many of these roles could come under Downton Abbey-type paid service jobs.

Then multiply that by the number of years of marriage, to arrive at a realistic sum for an invoice ...

In these divorce cases, might it be worth having this kind of calculation done as a matter of course?

What's missing?

OP posts:
crossedlines · 30/09/2025 17:07

TheClaaaw · 30/09/2025 14:13

No competent solicitor, advocate or medical or education professional who observed the professional ethical requirements of their job or GDPR would be discussing other cases or parents with you, even without disclosing personal details.

Almost all parents of children with disabilities establish networks of other parents and professionals involved in education/ law over time as a consequence of having to navigate the system. Your personal anecdotes and opinions do not constitute data and facts. You’re not in some immensely unique position to pronounce on other people’s parenting that justifies your absurd and nasty, false proclamation that parents who work neglect their childrens needs and, as I said, your comment stating this and trying to use your opinion about this to attempt to elevate parents who don’t work over those who do is unevidenced nonsense and, frankly, shameful.

Edited
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Well said.

perfectcolourfound · 30/09/2025 19:19

redemptionwoes · 20/09/2025 19:58

All that I suppose on your list but then deduct the price / value of the following

no boss or management to report to
no responsibilities
no targets
no commute
no financial responsibility to be the main earner
being able to be present for your children guilt free

id value the above far more than a bit of”life admin” that the majority of working mums manage to do whilst also working full time

This!

perfectcolourfound · 30/09/2025 19:21

Also, I've never heard of a divorce where the none-earning partner gets less than the one who has paid work. The arrangement (including in my own experience) is that the one with more earning 'potential' (ie currently in paid work / ability to earn more) gets a lesser proportion of the marital assets. My ex DH receive a larger settlement than me on that basis.

2babies2 · 30/09/2025 21:56

The emotional toll and the amount of emotional load to care for 2 Neurodiverse kids is extremely expensive to me and my mental health. Having to pick them up from school at different times throughout the day some weeks. Having to work on myself so that I can carry them. It’s exhausting being a stay at home parent 24 hours a day with ND children. We are worth our weight in gold. We are the providers of their childhood and the internal voice in their heads for the rest of their lives. It’s a huge responsibility as well as all the other stuff that comes with running a home. Many of us ND ourselves who would struggle holding this down with a full time job. We are not all the same but it doesn’t make anyone less worthy or less expensive.

TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 09:13

2babies2 · 30/09/2025 21:56

The emotional toll and the amount of emotional load to care for 2 Neurodiverse kids is extremely expensive to me and my mental health. Having to pick them up from school at different times throughout the day some weeks. Having to work on myself so that I can carry them. It’s exhausting being a stay at home parent 24 hours a day with ND children. We are worth our weight in gold. We are the providers of their childhood and the internal voice in their heads for the rest of their lives. It’s a huge responsibility as well as all the other stuff that comes with running a home. Many of us ND ourselves who would struggle holding this down with a full time job. We are not all the same but it doesn’t make anyone less worthy or less expensive.

It was the poster who is a SAHM who was saying that the parents of children with disabilities who work as well are neglecting their children. Nobody was criticising parents of disabled children who don’t work. Working parents also provide all the emotional support that their children need, fight local authorities, deal with endless school meetings/ being called in (this has happened to me three times in the last week), endless medical appointments. The objection was to the poster who tried to claim that parents who work don’t meet their children’s needs.

TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 09:15

perfectcolourfound · 30/09/2025 19:21

Also, I've never heard of a divorce where the none-earning partner gets less than the one who has paid work. The arrangement (including in my own experience) is that the one with more earning 'potential' (ie currently in paid work / ability to earn more) gets a lesser proportion of the marital assets. My ex DH receive a larger settlement than me on that basis.

Yes, and this is why those most disadvantaged by marriage and divorce are high earning women with children because in the vast majority of cases they are both the higher earner and the main carer of the children.

When I divorced my ex-husband his solicitor even tried to suggest I should provide spousal maintenance to him, despite the children residing with me 100% and him having no contact with them at all. Fortunately my solicitor knocked that nonsense on the head.

2babies2 · 01/10/2025 09:45

It’s all just a matter of perspective.

TheClaaaw · 01/10/2025 16:04

2babies2 · 01/10/2025 09:45

It’s all just a matter of perspective.

There’s no perspective involved. The comments the poster in question made are objectively, factually inaccurate and also extremely nasty and unpleasant.

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