To feel insulted or not?

[Blueberrybrie007]

My parents have talked about their will recently. I would rather they didn't, as I don't want to think about that time and hope it's many years down the line.

They have said they plan to leave the majority to the grandchildren. I have one surviving child and my brother has five children. My brother doesn't bother with us and hasn't for a very long time. I see my parents regularly.

Their estate is approx £1.1m and they said they plan to leave me and my brother £30k each out if that, with the rest going to the grandchildren.

I think it's lovely as some of the grandchildren are getting older, so it will help them get their first property or definitely give them a good start in life.
I still have a mortgage on my house, but the grandchildren will not necessarily need to have that worry as such.

Their friends are aware of it and so part of me is unsure how they'll perceive it. Was I not good enough in their opinion and so they've decided to skip passing it on to their own children, who in turn would pass it on to our children when we die.

I know friends of mine, their parents have left their inheritance to them, their own children. And so this has left me feeling confused at the moment and questioning if they don't think I'm worthy of it.

I hold down a full time professional job, work hard for what I have and don't go out pissing it up the wall.

Are you thick, she said clearly that she accepts why they are doing it but at the same time feels a little hurt 🤷‍♀️

Are you thick? I wasn't responding to the OP you absolute melt!!! 😅😅😅

I’m well aware you weren’t you clown! 🤷‍♀️

@TheaBrandt1no it isn’t. The grandchildren are individual people - it doesn’t matter who their parents are. In fact it might be fairer this way if it’s the future family that the GPs care about.
@Titasaducksarsethere should be very little or no inheritance tax if the bulk of the value is in a house. Unless they die together the spouse (presumably) will inherit first and the tax free is not used. So when the second GP dies that’s £650k exempt from tax, and that can increase up to £500k each if they own the house, so estates of £1m do not pay inheritance tax.
OP it’s good your parents want to talk about their wills. Don’t avoid the conversation.

The issue is you're obsessed with "this family" and "their family".
They're all the grandparents children and grandchildren. They love each grandchild equally, not an only child twice as much as two siblings.

Your logic is that if a child has more than one child of their own, then they're entitled to less love than an only child from their grandparents. It doesn't work that way.

You are a piece of work

We are discussing the point of view AS THE PARENT, who is "stupid" here? (your word).

I thought we touched a nerve, but it seems it's the later with you. When you need to start insulting posters because you can't come up with an argument, you have lost the discussion 😂

wow

Thanks for proving my point.

I am not "obsessed", I simply disagree with you - and so many people do too, because they share inheritance equally and fairly between their children, not based on the amount of grand-children they have.

you disagree, it doesn't mean you are right.

My parents are due to leave theirs split 3 ways. However they REALLY dislike my brothers new partner. We lost my darling sister in law tragically and my brother did get into a relationship pretty damn quickly after. She’s been awful. Isn’t nice to my brothers adult children. We are all convinced she’s a money grabber and my parents are seriously considering leaving his third to his 3 children. It’s complicated as my sister in law had a life insurance policy that paid off the family home and as she wasn’t able to inherit from her own parents, they put her share into trust which paid for private education and later university fees. I agree with my parents decision as ultimately it means their money is guaranteed to be left to the blood line.

Money and families are so complicated. I hate we even have to think this way.

Do your parents know that you still have a mortgage? Have you ever shown signs of being irresponsible with money? I don’t think you should be worrying about the perception of others. This is their decision and although it hurts it has to be respected. Can you ask about their reasoning?

Thank you for bringing this wonderful insight in the discussion, such convincing arguments 😂

Just grow up, all of you, instead of yelling at each other on here. None of you are coming out of this well.

I’d be hurt too OP. Id talk to them about it. Our estate will be left equally to our adult kids one of whom doesn’t have children ( that could change of course)

I think people usually do this to cut out the spouse of their children, should there be a divorce, death etc

ask. You were telling me about your will plans, mum who is the business left to?
‘oh, my brother? So he get the business and his children get over 80% of the estate? Hmm. I guess I’m just chopped liver, I will be working till I’m old. I have to go.

and don’t pick up the phone for a while. You’re allowed to be hurt. You don’t owe parents continuous giving and support while they throw their energy at your brother. You owe you some of that support and giving I think. Time to redirect the energies.

I don’t think there is any “usual” or “normal” way to do inheritance - every family and what works for them is different. There could be all sorts of reasons why they’ve chosen to do their inheritance like this. Have you asked them?

DH’s grandfather has left everything to DH and his 3 sisters (his only grandchildren), bypassing my MIL (his only living daughter) entirely. He told her that the kids need it more than she does - she has a good job, she has lots of money to retire on, and she had a life insurance policy from my FIL that keeps her more than comfortable. She agreed and wasn’t offended. DH’s great aunt, on the other hand has left pretty much everything to MIL as a thank you for taking care of her (she never married or had any children).

I’m not expecting to see any inheritance from my dad, as my step mum is 10 years younger than him so will likely outlive him. They also have 2 children together (currently teenagers), so it makes sense that dad would leave her everything.

Oh come on!

So, you should be inheriting £550k, but you're getting £30k instead, and the bulk of the cash is going to your brother's family, who they are NC with. Your brother also gets the business? But you will be their carer, and you are okay with all of this BULLSHIT because you love them?

This can't be real? And if it is, bloody hell, where is your anger?

My dead grandmother left everything to be split between her nine grandchildren. My surviving grandmother is I believe planning to do similar, but I don’t know the full details. It’s not unusual.

You seem remarkably tolerant of the fact that your brother and his family are being massively favoured in terms of inheritance. Despite your brother being completely no contact with your parents, they are leaving him and his family over 80%of their assets and you and your family less than 20% and they are even leaving him their business.

Do they massively favour male children in your family and think that female children are only good for providing care to their elderly parents? It seems massively unfair to me and I would recommend you seek some therapy to see why you accept such poor and unequal treatment from your parents.

It would be hard enough to provide hands-on care to elderly parents if they had always loved you and treated you fairly. You seem to think that there is an obligation on the part of daughters to provide this care and support, irrespective of how they have been treated by their parents.

"They give my brother a job there"
I'm not sure if "give" is a typo and should be "gave" (as in he's no longer working there) but if not, let me get this straight, your brother works for them (and you think is possibly going to inherit the business too) but he doesn't bother with them and hasn't for a very long time, as you put it? Do they not see each other in the workplace?

My brother refuses point blank to talk or look at my mother. My mother doesn't go into the workplace. I'm not entirely sure why they fell out. Neither will admit fault or state the issue, but it has has been long standing and I highly doubt will ever be resolved. My brother will talk with my dad at the workplace only. My parents did make my brother a partner (unsure of the split) prior to them falling out.

I think it is quite common in wealthy families to skip a generation - assuming the children are already financially comfortable. One of my son in law gm died a couple of years ago and didn't leave anything to her dc but left her 9gc a few million each.

I do think her dc each had the same number of dc though so just missed out the middle man.