To feel insulted or not?

[Blueberrybrie007]

My parents have talked about their will recently. I would rather they didn't, as I don't want to think about that time and hope it's many years down the line.

They have said they plan to leave the majority to the grandchildren. I have one surviving child and my brother has five children. My brother doesn't bother with us and hasn't for a very long time. I see my parents regularly.

Their estate is approx £1.1m and they said they plan to leave me and my brother £30k each out if that, with the rest going to the grandchildren.

I think it's lovely as some of the grandchildren are getting older, so it will help them get their first property or definitely give them a good start in life.
I still have a mortgage on my house, but the grandchildren will not necessarily need to have that worry as such.

Their friends are aware of it and so part of me is unsure how they'll perceive it. Was I not good enough in their opinion and so they've decided to skip passing it on to their own children, who in turn would pass it on to our children when we die.

I know friends of mine, their parents have left their inheritance to them, their own children. And so this has left me feeling confused at the moment and questioning if they don't think I'm worthy of it.

I hold down a full time professional job, work hard for what I have and don't go out pissing it up the wall.

I

I think they mean that it could avoid a possible second lot of IT as the money won't be inherited twice i.e. taxed going to parents, then taxed again when the GC inherit from the parents.

you are the one who insist on pretending not understanding my point.

Grand-children are extension of their PARENTS. You give to that SIDE of the family, to your own child indirectly. You give more to a set of grand-children, you basically give more to that child.

give 25% to son
25% to daughter

50% to the grandchild (son of your son)

What you are doing is giving 75% to your son...
Whichever way you are trying to twist it.

Oddly enough this was something my parents bought up with me recently.

They've left 10k each to their four grandchildren.

And the house to be sold and monies divided between my sibling and her eldest son.

Oh Lord 🙄🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I can't with you!!

I don't know why you're so worked up. Someone you don't know is giving money to their grandkids who you also don't know.
There is nothing you or OP can do about it so...💁‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️😁

I imagine if they gave you each say 0.5m each, they're aware one grandchild will be set to inherit a portion of 0.5k whilst their other 5 will inherit a portion of 0.1k each. They're trying to make it even across their two kids and then their 6 grandchildren.q

Grand children aren't just extensions of their parents tho. They're individuals. Humans in their own right. They'll have relationships with their grandparents independent of their parents, especially as they grow up.

There's some simple - minded people on here who don't seem to understand. Also, I think greed is a big thing with some of them.

I don’t know why people do this. Why don’t they just split the money between you and your brother? Skipping a generation just causes hurt and unfairness.

did I touch a nerve with you 😂

I can't comprehend parents being so unfair towards their own children, not sure why you are taking it so personally

I am judging as a PARENT towards my own children, not as someone expecting to receive something.

Yes grand-children are independent individuals, humans in their own right, that has absolutely nothing to do with anything here 😂

If nothing else, telling your grand-children you prefer their cousins because you give more on that side than yours, it's even weirder.

Ha typical gorger - stupid & entitled 🙄

We've had this discussion recently due to both parents terminal illness. There initial will was wanted to split equally so given equal proportion to children and final third split between all grandchildren. My older sibling has 4 children from young age whereas I have none but hoping to in future. I personally also felt unfair as feel my children will both miss out on having grandparents which is my saddest thing and no money can replace that & not having any money for their future either whereas cousins set up for life (obviously as parents we will try suppprt them but similar to you were talking £200k each grandchild so not something id ever be able to give them despite good professional career (hence reason for no children yet)

Parents did say they assumed we'd both have children by time it was relevant but unexpected illnesses at young age for them means unlikely so are changing it now so 50/50 with clause to split 20% of each 50% between all own children. I dont think they meant it maliciously ever, just rubbish unexpected circumstances. They did also say part of reason they did it initially was was told couldn't add in clause to tell children to give certain amount to grandchildren (now gone through solicitors and have done it) and as sibling bad with money/spend on extravagant things more than they/I would, they worried they wouldnt pass to the grandchildren if only request not legal hence wanted clear in will for grandchildren & easiest way was split between all.

Its horrible conversation to even have though.... feels awkward but completely get how feels unfair. Really difficult conversations but understand feels like punishment for you only having 1 child compared to sibling. Have you spoken to those involved - both parents & siblings?

So you could sit in £550k and they leave you £30k? You family well get £200k and your brother family £900k?
everyone is entitled to do what they want with their money but this a very unfair division of inheritance so I would just stop caring for your parents and tell them to call your brother and his kids when they need help.

My DM died without a will but having told me and sibling that she wanted a good chunk to got to dgc.

Unfortunately without a will her estate was split between me and sibling. I've put by a big chunk for my dc but sibling has spent theirs entirely so my nieces have nothing from dgm. Would have transformed their lives.

I was in a similar situation to you, OP, as in my siblings and I having differing numbers of children, with me having the least, and my mum thinking about splitting her money equally between just the grandchildren.
I had various thoughts on it, I could see the reasoning behind it but also felt that dividing it equally between me and my siblings was also fair, I didn't however feel insulted even though it mainly came down to me to support my mum when she became unable to do things for herself. (I was fuming with my siblings though, I'm only human!). I also knew it was her money to do with as she pleased and she wasn't obliged to leave me anything, she did say she was joining the SKIN (Spend Kids Inheritance Now) club though as she'd bought two new tops from Bon Marche 🤣
I'm personally hoping to enjoy spending my money on myself and my children while I'm alive and leaving nothing for the tax man (I hear on the grapevine that IT rules are changing, for the worse for the general public).

Life's not fair. Is it fair that some people are born into rich families and others are not? Is it fair that people who bought houses at the right time made big gains? Is it fair that some people have to spend most of their capital on a care home? Anyway, the grandchildren might think the split is fair - why should the brother's children get less each just because they have siblings?

It would be fair if the parents simply left their children an equal split. Then what they do is up to them. If you can make life fairer surely that is the best way forward?

Think of it as the daughter being disinherited, almost.
Does it make sense now? 🙄
The post isn't about the parents right to spend their money on anything they like. They just choosing to give the vast majority of it to their son and his kids.

I think if parents are going to pass down skipping a generation then it still should be a 50:50 split no matter how many grandchildren involved. When my Mum passed it was a 50:50 split between me and my sibling. In the event of us passing away first then my share would have gone to my 2 children. My sibling has one child and my siblings share would have gone to her only child. So in effect my children would have shared the 50%. I would not have begrudged this as up to me how many children I have.

what's a gorger?

Gosh I honestly didn't expect this many responses. Thank you all.

I've just realised that my parents (well it was my mum who did the talking) never mentioned about who their were leaving their business too, and so I guess they are leaving that to my brother too. They give my brother a job there but never had a job for me, hence the reason for thinking this.

It's either my mum doesn't like me deep down or I'm over thinking it. Either way it's hurtful but I'll just have to respect their wishes. They are still my mum and dad at the end of the day, I love them for that.

They are not saying they prefer her sibling! They are leaving them an equal amount of money, they are saying that they love their grandchildren equally and want to help them as much as they can ! Seems a sensible idea

Don't waste your time. She really can't get her head around it 🙄🙄🙄

It's either my mum doesn't like me deep down or I'm over thinking it

Why specifically mention your mother here and not your Father?