I'm a bit stuck now with some bad news...

[JustaGirlTrying]

Hi all.

Maybes a bit of a long post, so I do apologise.

I have just been given bad news by my ex boyfriend that he has cancer. He's only late 40s and we spent over a decade together and we're friends first. It was a bit of a turbulent relationship at times, but we had some good times, made memories and just couldn't deal with the world well, but we don't hold that against each other.

We properly spilt a few years ago, but remained friends and he helped me out a lot when I hurt my back and the most supportive person when my grandad died.

I am now in a new relationship, but it's a relationship I wish I had never gotten into and it's seems very hard to get out of. Hes a much older man, controlling, condescending and just basically won't get out of my life and I've asked him many times to. We do have nice days, but he is very teenage like, very argumentative and always has to be right. Sexually coercive and just a bit of a head do. I don't want to get the police involved and my parents are very close to removing him from house..... Anyways..... That will all be sorted out soon...

My ex and I are amicable, I do care for him and he's a nice lad, helps anyone with anything type of person. Now that I have been told this cancer news I am immediately wanting to help him. I see him for the first time in 9 months tomorrow at the hospital. He is going for chemo and whatever the hospital say, which is his choice.

He knows I am more holistic and says he will accept natural help after the chemo. He has a loving mother, he has a daughter I don't know of they are estranged still, and he has a sister he half gets on with. He's well known as a good lad around the area and has nice mates.

In my mind, (maybes it's panic), but I am thinking of asking him when he gets better from chemo if he wants to come and stay with me for a bit (nothing sexual) as I have moved out into the countryside. In my mind I am hoping to help him get his immune system back naturally and show him that it's ok to take time out to heal. He's a massive stickler for working and is constantly employed working hard. I live alone (technically) with our cat we got together 11 years ago.

He never looked after his health and I just feel he deserves a second chance hopefully in life to redeem himself and see a new outlook on life and cherish it. I am no way looking to have a couple relationship with him again, but he is a great friend.

When I found out this morning, I told my current partner (1 year) and he started trying to lecture me about cancer as he thinks I'm thick, and were both holistic so I dont know what he was trying to tell me. I told him I wasn't interested in what he had to say as I know what he was pushing and I shouted at him and he got pissy at me and we haven't spoken since. He's left to take his dog out, not even texted me to see if I'm ok. No emotional support at all.

I'm in bad health myself with my bad back and been in bed depressed all day in tears, having to contact old mutual friends and stuff. I've been helping out with trying to get my ex with pip and stuff like that, get the ball rolling until I see him face to face.

I'm literally sick of my current fella draining me like he does and he has his own place but chooses to live here with all his stuff clogging my house up just being lazy and making excuses.

I feel like my ex deserves my help so much more than this narcissist and maybe he will just leave anyways when he's not getting the attention.

I don't know what I'm writing here, I'm just getting stuff out, but do you think it's unreasonable or weird to ask my ex if he wants to stay on a bed downstairs to try and heal? He's been living with his mam for a year or so and she's getting on mid 70s now and wasn't well herself last year.

Obvs I will wait until I get this current one out of my house first!

Thanks for reading if you did, please go easy on me, I'm not after any negativity.

That's her choice on what she does with her body . She has not taken anything away from her friend. She said after his treatment it was her nutty boyfriend who was all against it and telling the op "it's not what we believe in" or whatever. The op was going to wait for him to finish treatment she made that very clear. I am assuming ops ex is a grown man who can make his own decisions and not a child?

I am starting to wonder if this is a grown arse man or a child that these posters are gossiping about?

bloody fruit juice won’t cure cancer ffs! Cold pressed or sodding warm pressed

Fwiw I agree she’s a car crash right now, I agree her comments insinuating a healthy lifestyle = no cancer, are ridiculous

well we agree on that! Let’s just focus on this because you’re getting very worked up about what posters are posting @Change2banon and it’s getting a little scary!

"After he has had chemo I was thinking of offering him respite and supplying him with lots of cold pressed fruit juices and an organic healthy diet and walks/wheelchair in the countryside."
I really think that the OP may have the good intentions but has zero idea. Of course it depends on the kind of cancer and the stage, but my late husband's medically approved and prescribed diet consisted of as near to zero fibre as is possible, unbelievably calorie dense prescribed food plus anything he fancied to eat that was extremely low fibre and high calorie. Cold pressed and organic just did not come into it.....and actually yes, no fries because of the fibre but a macdonald's cheeseburger and a shake, no pickle would have been absolutely fine.

Are you trying to pretend that the OP said that because she didn’t. The OP has said a few questionable things which she has addressed so I’m not sure why you are inventing things to be outraged about. It’s a bit silly.

I’m confused? Do you mean me? I’m a man or child’? 😵‍💫

I’m not worked up 🤣 I’m responding to people who have responded to me, but have not even read my posts correctly 🤷‍♀️

Scary stuff!!

I wonder what happened when the op met him yesterday to make the invite?

We are unlikely though to get anything other than “he jumped with joy and eagerly accepted my offer and was very open to me providing him with a “healthy lifestyle” post treatment”

Take each day as it comes with your ex; don't make plans. Get the current guy out immediately.

Maybe call 101 first, or Women's Aid, to get advice or give them the heads up and find out if they'd be able to offer practical support in the event of him being a colossal bellend again by not leaving. Explain how he's been so far.

There's just no excuse for him not leaving; even as a complete stranger I'm taking affront that he's disregarding your wishes! Imagine he's a toddler tantruming because you've said he can't have sweets. Then imagine the hell your life would be if you gave in to that, and dig in.

Unlikely she'll come back, her last post (that was deleted) the other night seemed pretty clear on that.

I wonder what it said!!

Of course not. The responses on this thread is mad and what we are having to debate over. I wonder if the ops friend is a man or a child who has no autonomy over what he does with his own body 🤔
I am agreeing with you it's bonkers.

If it’s the one I saw, I think she was just upset with the relentless pile-on and didn’t fancy staying around to be constantly and repetitively berated.

But why would that be deleted? That doesn’t break talk guidelines

must have been quite abusive

I don’t want to misquote her, but I think she might have told those people where to stick it, if that makes sense? I think that gets treated as a personal attack now, based on an experience I had recently of having a post deleted.

I’m really not the poster that gets posts deleted normally, might have been my first time, but I got deleted recently for typing ‘ODFOD’ in response to a really goady poster being abusive to multiple people - their posts stood however so they’ve carried on with abandon!

I’m hardly surprised tbh. If I was the OP I’d have asked for the thread to be deleted! The responses to her post were mainly vile, especially towards someone who had just received some awful news. Some truly horrid people on here. 😞

Oh hahaha 🤣 🤣 I think I’m just losing it over this thread, with everyone complaining and twisting what I say 🤣🤣
I think OP definitely needs to reign herself in, sort her own life out before she even thinks of supporting this friend. There’s so much odd with her story, which I think shows her poor state of mind tbh. I hope she gets help herself.

She’s left the thread, so your mission is accomplished.

Likely because the ex politely declined her offer.

and her parents have begged her to focus on her own ill health and getting out the abusive man residing in her house

I also hope she has resolved her living situation, it sounded very difficult.

Yep absolutely.

The OP was a very vulnerable individual living through some harrowing personal circumstances and I'm guessing also had some form of mental illness. She did indeed seem to misunderstand whether holistic medicine is useful but really she needed empathy rather than the bollocking she received.

No doubt because those who have suffered from cancer or have a loved one who has didn’t appreciate the very clear link the Op made between when he lived with her and had a healthy lifestyle and was cancer free”