Doing checks too early is putting me off

[keyser]

So, I have started dating this lovely woman, 2 dates within 1 month and she has request personal information etc to do Clare's law(she asked for personal information, address history), sexual test(share results etc)

I do like her obviously, we talk daily, but I do not feel comfortable to do all these things just after 1 month, I am not even sure yet if we are an item yet, if we will be sexually compatible etc. She has never been abused or anything so no trauma that I would assume is triggering her.

I get it is for security but am I silly for feeling this way? She has a kid but i have not even suggested to meet the child or go to her house etc.

For context, I am in the military, I have a clean record, never been arrested or stopped for a single things in my 40 years on earth. I am not hiding anything, I just feel like she is jumping too ahead and it is putting me off sending someone my address history etc. I do not even know her child's name as she has only told me his nickname and I do not wish to ask until she feels like she can tell me

It depends how much you like her tbh - but I agree it feels intrusive and it’s your choice

If you aren’t comfortable sharing STD results with someone why would you be comfortable with having sex with them? What’s the point in testing afterwards?

I understand about previous addresses though.

That’s not a reason to do a Claire's law. Say no, that os not information you are willing to share at this stage

Have you met her in person?

If not how do you know she is not a fraudster obtaining all your personal data?

I never suggested I would not want to, I just said it is two early, I have only met her twice and I do not even have plans/discussed about having sex yet

Yes, you're being silly.

She barely knows you, and any woman starting out dating someone new is putting themselves in a very vulnerable woman.

Getting your sexual health checked out when embarking on a new relationship is always a good idea, and doing a Claires law check is also just good sense. She barely knows you, so it's not like its a dig at you, it's just a protective measure for her that she likely does when dating anyone new.

Personally, I'd see a woman doing both of those things a good sign. If she does her due diligence around dating, it likely means she will in other areas of her life as well, which would make her a good match for me.

I’d find that way too much after two dates. Yes she’s right to do her due diligence on you but asking you that level of personal information and for STD test results before you’re even close to intimacy seems very intrusive this early on.

You've met her twice - I wouldn’t give out that sort of detail until much further on. And tbh I don’t think I’d be giving out previous addresses etc full stop.

Couldn’t disagree with you more.He’s met her twice! Far too soon to be doing background checks on someone. They might never even get to the stage of having sex - he’s just an acquaintance at the moment.

More women should do this tbh, but you perfectly are within your rights to not agree to it and walk away.

I agree. Does she ask for his level of detail from every man she goes for a coffee with?

This is far too heavy handed in my opinion. You barely know her, and giving out personal data could be used against you or for fraudulent purposes. What if she takes it then you never hear from her again? It would be a no from me.

When would be a good time to do these checks then? When they've had sex? When she's already fallen for him?

Seems a bit like shutting the door when the horse has bolted to me.

She's had two dates, and obviously is keen on a third otherwise she wouldn't be bothering with the checks. In my experience, date 3 often leads to sex, Better to know whether he's likely to give her an STD or abuse her before she ends up in bed with him, surely?

It's sensible of her to do these checks early on.

Who says romance is dead, eh?

I don't blame her for vetting future partners, especially with a child to care for, but it's a bit ridiculous to ask for all this information this soon.

If you are wanting to keep seeing her, you could say you would be happy to have a check done in the future when/if you are going to be in the child's life.

I think asking after two dates would put me off, though.

"starting out " is the point here, we are starting out, it is just dates, we have no titles, I have never met her anywhere apart from two restaurants and I have never even suggested to meet her kid or go to her house and no suggestion of the same from her end.

This is an Online dating thing, she has had another date during our first week of talking so i wonder if this is ideal for everyone we meet in life now because it seems too much

Agree with @Namechangeragin that this is a bit of a cheek at such an early stage in the relationship.

every men and women for that fact, yes. But my issue if just after 1 month and meeting twice is a bit too early

Better too early than too late.

Keep in mind, we have met twice, would you not say it is way too early? for a person who has made a point of telling me her child's first name to want my full name and address history is weird at this stage I feel.

I am not trying to marry her next week or to go to her home or my home today.

We are just talking and the dates are just to meet in person and see how compatible we are.

I think It's intrusive maybe once we become some what exclusive it would make sense.

@keyser
While it may be sensible to do these checks in general - but at 2 dates in it strange. And possibly shows a sign of personality that is overly anxious, etc.
I don’t think I’d be able to date anyone this paranoid.
Fair enough on STD check - if you are at the point of having sex. Probably not a bad thing for both. But still too early if you are in early stages of dating.
As to Clair’s Law - at this stage it’s way OTT.

Up to you what you do with this.

If is putting you off, end it now that is still dating stage.

far too early and incredibly intrusive. In all event, she could be the bunny boiler in the relationship. Or maybe even a Russian spy, you after all say you’re in the military.

I say this as someone who had a young child when they started dating after divorce

When do you think you may have sex together?

As far as I am aware you cannot request a Clare's Law disclosure "just" to check out a new partner? I thought there had to be some grounds?

And I am also pretty sure you aren't allowed to tell the person you are asking for a disclosure under Clare's Law about them?

What business is that of yours?