Page 5 | Bf won’t let me look at his phone

AgathaX · 10/09/2025 22:35

It sounds like this isn't the only issue within your relationship, but it is the issue that you are focused on just now.
You don't have to go along with his one sided phone use, indeed you shouldn't. He is demanding boundaries whilst trampling all over yours. It's time that you put some of your own boundaries in place. If it upsets him then so be it. Perhaps his reaction will clarify how you feel about this whole situation.

DorothyStorm · 10/09/2025 22:36

Now:
Remove his face from your security settings.
Change your password.

future;
he doesn't use your phone at all.

his behaviour is either suspicious or infantile. Neither is attractive.

I just don’t think he would be the sort to hide things though but your entire thread is about how he is hiding things.

it honestly sounds like you stay with him because of sunken costs.

EarthSight · 10/09/2025 22:37

LunaBloom · 10/09/2025 00:08

Yeah he goes through my messages quite a lot, honestly sometimes he does ask if he can look but other times he won’t ask and will just go through it anyway. I understand what you mean about us both having the right to privacy, and I 100% agree with you. It’s just weird that he feels like he’s allowed to go through mine no matter what but im never allowed to look at his idk

Wtf?? He has access to yours, but you don't have to his???

I don't believe his excuse - he's pathologising piss taking behaviour to guilt trip you into not being too demanding, but I think he's hiding something. Stop allowing him access to yours immediately when it's not reciprocated.

DayswithDaisy8 · 10/09/2025 23:37

Sorry, but the phrase “Suspicion haunts the guilty mind” won’t stop echoing as I read this. I’ve had it before - hope it works out better for you x

Osirus · 10/09/2025 23:42

Thuraya17 · 10/09/2025 00:03

Imo he’s hiding something. Nobody is that protective of their phone unless there is something on there they don’t want you to see.

Also, why does he go through your messages? Is he insecure because of his own messages?

My husband and I never check each others phones nor are we tempted to do so. We do however, leave them laying about the house, use each others phone to call people or look at pictures etc etc etc.

There’s nothing in particular to hide on my phone. I still don’t like people going through it, including my DH.

OP, why do you feel you are entitled to look through his private phone? Just stop letting him go on on yours if this bothers you so much.

I never touch my DH’s phone. It’s a private device and would feel very intrusive.

We all have rights to our own private thoughts (and Google searches 😂).

I don’t know, maybe I’m a bit unusual but I see a phone like a diary or journal. It’s not for anyone else’s viewing unless you invite them.

Osirus · 10/09/2025 23:49

LunaBloom · 10/09/2025 01:19

kind of an update, not really tbf. I went into the bathroom where he was having a shower, I had a wee and whilst he was on his steam deck I picked up his phone. He immediately asked what I was doing, I said I just wanted to have a look at fb and opened the app, I was scrolling through fb and about a min later he asked again what I was doing and looked to see what I was looking at. He said ‘oh is there anything interesting? (On fb)’ I said not really, and continued to scroll through. Literally another min later and he asked for his phone back because he wanted to look at an order he placed on aliexpress. I let him have his phone, he was on it for a few mins and I asked if his order was okay and he said that there was something weird going on because it hadn’t been updated. I waited, he asked why I was waiting, I said I was looking at something on fb before he wanted his phone back, he said okay and continued to look at his order for a few more mins and then put his phone done on the side of the bath. I picked it up again, he asked what I was doing. So I just gave him it back and left the bathroom. It’s just so weird and I can’t put my finger on it. I know he’s paranoid when it comes to his phone, and it’s nothing new at all, we’ve gone through this countless times, but he knew I was just scrolling through fb. Maybe I’m just trying to look for something when there’s nothing (not within his phone lol but within his actions) I think it’s making me paranoid at this point too

He’s not being weird. You don’t need to be going on his phone like that. You have your own to look on Facebook. I would find your behaviour really annoying.

Osirus · 10/09/2025 23:51

Rayqueen · 10/09/2025 04:03

I find the red flags on your side more than his almost like your obsessed with wanting to see his phone and do it to actually be annoying. Me and other half know each others passwords and leave our phones lying about but if I happened to use his phone once or twice a year that would be it same if he used mine. As far as I'm concerned I have private messages with family and friends that are mine alone and I'm sure he has his chats with work etc as well and I couldn't care less what he watches or likes on Facebook it's his phone. All part of trust and your the one to me that comes across a bit controlling and OCD about it

Yep.

Athreedoorwardrobe · 10/09/2025 23:51

I don't think he's necessarily hiding anything but the double standards would infuriate me.
Either he thinks phones are private or he doesn't. He doesn't get to keep his private yet use yours whenever he likes.

Popmart8 · 10/09/2025 23:52

A thief thinks everyone else steals. He is hiding something, else why is he demanding to look at your phone? He either has a disgusting/taboo kink, or he is cheating on you.

Dadonmnet · 11/09/2025 03:44

You are both in the wrong here and it is clear you both have trust issues.

You should not feel the need to look through his phone, I mean being able to access his phone in an emergency is one thing but just to browse is another.

On the flip side, he is acting very sketchy and overly protective of his phone, snatching his phone because he needed it in shower...lol am I the only one finding it a ridiculous excuse. I call BS on the story with his cousin and porn, he is clearly hiding something and I bet it isn't porn.

Him being able to access your phones is just hypocritical and it clearly bothers you as you have stated it so many times, so either get over him accessing your phone or set some boundaries. But set some boundaries because you want to not because it is tit for tat.

Relationships shouldn't be quid pro quo or tit for tat.

Lovehascomeandgone · 11/09/2025 10:00

I would have absolutely no issue with a partner looking through my phone or just using it for a call or other reason. I find it very strange that you would not be like that in a long term relationship. My ex-husband was like you deceive your boyfriend to be and he clearly had a lot to hide. Personally it would make me distrust him. The porn reason is just BS and an excuse.,

Northquit · 11/09/2025 11:20

LunaBloom · 10/09/2025 00:08

Yeah he goes through my messages quite a lot, honestly sometimes he does ask if he can look but other times he won’t ask and will just go through it anyway. I understand what you mean about us both having the right to privacy, and I 100% agree with you. It’s just weird that he feels like he’s allowed to go through mine no matter what but im never allowed to look at his idk

This sounds odd.

Do you trust each other?
If not then don't be together.

Plastictreees · 11/09/2025 12:39

The double standard is concerning, I agree with previous suggestions that you need to stop him from accessing your phone. The fact he is unwilling to explore his feelings around privacy with his phone (which sounds excessive) and nothing changes is not a good sign. TBH I get the impression that this phone situation is a red herring and there are deeper issues going on within your relationship. You seem dependent on him and it may be wise to make sure you maintain independence. It doesn’t sound like this relationship is healthy.

August1980 · 11/09/2025 13:53

Hmm I am not bothered to look at my husband phone and find it annoying when I am busy with other baby he can see ‘mum calling’ and he doesn’t bother to pick it up! The double standard bothers me about your post. He doesn’t let you look at his phone but he wants to look at yours… next time it’s show me yours and I will show you mine!

Snakebite61 · 11/09/2025 16:19

LunaBloom · 09/09/2025 23:59

Hey, I’ve been with my partner for 7 years. He’s never let me grab his phone, not even a to just look through Facebook, without him being there to see what I’m looking at.
He says he’s like this because when he was a teenager his brother went on his phone, opened up his browser, saw porn, and told his parents, which resulted in him being spoken to about it.
He says he has trust issues when it comes to his phone because of this. The thing is though, I’ve been with him for seven years, I’ve told him to work on this problem since the beginning and he says he’s going to work on it but he clearly hasn’t.
I went on his phone earlier to google something and he snatched it away from me, saying that he wants to go for a shower and that he needs his phone. Is that weird or am I overreacting? I really really don’t think he would be the type to cheat, but I just don’t understand it at all. I let him go on my phone all the time, there’s been times when he’s had my phone and gone through my messages and asked questions about messages I’ve sent to my family group chat and things like that, which I don’t mind, because I don’t have anything to hide and we are both nosey people lol.
It’s just so weird in my mind, I don’t understand why he won’t let me touch his phone but he will grab my phone whenever he wants to. Maybe we’re just different and even though it doesn’t bother me, it bothers him? But I’ve also questioned him before because, why should I let him on my phone when he won’t let me on his? And his immediate reaction is to put my phone done and say ‘fine, whatever’ I just don’t understand it, has anyone else been in a similar position before or just had any advice on how to go about it? Thank you in advance!

I wouldn't let anyone anywhere near my phone

Omgblueskys · 11/09/2025 17:43

I do hope op comes back to say she changed her password and what his response was , very telling indeed

Isthisit22 · 11/09/2025 18:00

It’s pretty obvious that he’s cheating/ messaging other women/ using webcams, etc. His constant need to check you phone is a manifestation of his own guilt too.