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Original poster

Boyfriend is like a third child.

123 replies

ContemplativeCarrotBag · 09/09/2025 11:25

I'm unsure what to label this as or do. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years we dont live together unmarried and no kids together. He has one adult child of 21 who has kids of her own, I have two pre teen children.

He's actually exhausting me right now but I dont know if im feeding it or causing it.

He doesn't listen to me when I want to talk, even about random things like my interests yet he expects me to listen to him. He talks constantly about anything and everything even narrating what he's scrolling on Facebook. I can't even tune it out because he expects me to acknowledge him regularly like that sounds good. Oh wow interesting etc. Or he gets moody. Last night he gave me a literal migraine just talking and when I said I was in pain he huffed and told me im always ill.

He is generally moody too. He has huge opinions about my parenting and criticises me. Like I asked him for help cooking one night because I had a late work meeting. All night was horrible text after another about how he's never doing it again and the kids won't eat etc. I told him if they won't eat to leave it he didn't need to get so mean. (He was fine with the kids it was just me he vented to.)

He's doing it now because I made a decision that he doesn't agree with.

If he ever spends money on me or us. On the very rare occasion. He gets really angry the next month saying hes broke and this is why we dont do anything. I don't even remember him buying me a meaningful gift even at Xmas, he always makes a huge show of being broke and I just say its fine leave it.

He has regular black moods where he's just in another world. Depressed, nasty and spiteful and nothing helps. But the all at once he's fine again. This usually happens once a week if he has a lot on at work.

I'm actually at the point I want to walk away while we have no ties financial or otherwise. Can anyone offer any insight into his behaviour I want to make a last ditch save effort on the relationship. Why does he do these things?

OP posts:
VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 09/09/2025 12:25

Why do you want to make a last ditch effort to save the relationship @ContemplativeCarrotBag ? You don't like the man!

Chewbecca · 09/09/2025 12:40

I have no idea why you are with him. Do you know?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/09/2025 12:42

ContemplativeCarrotBag · 09/09/2025 11:25

I'm unsure what to label this as or do. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years we dont live together unmarried and no kids together. He has one adult child of 21 who has kids of her own, I have two pre teen children.

He's actually exhausting me right now but I dont know if im feeding it or causing it.

He doesn't listen to me when I want to talk, even about random things like my interests yet he expects me to listen to him. He talks constantly about anything and everything even narrating what he's scrolling on Facebook. I can't even tune it out because he expects me to acknowledge him regularly like that sounds good. Oh wow interesting etc. Or he gets moody. Last night he gave me a literal migraine just talking and when I said I was in pain he huffed and told me im always ill.

He is generally moody too. He has huge opinions about my parenting and criticises me. Like I asked him for help cooking one night because I had a late work meeting. All night was horrible text after another about how he's never doing it again and the kids won't eat etc. I told him if they won't eat to leave it he didn't need to get so mean. (He was fine with the kids it was just me he vented to.)

He's doing it now because I made a decision that he doesn't agree with.

If he ever spends money on me or us. On the very rare occasion. He gets really angry the next month saying hes broke and this is why we dont do anything. I don't even remember him buying me a meaningful gift even at Xmas, he always makes a huge show of being broke and I just say its fine leave it.

He has regular black moods where he's just in another world. Depressed, nasty and spiteful and nothing helps. But the all at once he's fine again. This usually happens once a week if he has a lot on at work.

I'm actually at the point I want to walk away while we have no ties financial or otherwise. Can anyone offer any insight into his behaviour I want to make a last ditch save effort on the relationship. Why does he do these things?

I think you've already offered a very clear insight into his behaviour yourself:

  • Exhausts you. Doesn't listen, but wants you to listen (even if its enough facebook drivel to give you a migraine) Snaps at you when you ask him to stop
  • Tight with money. Can't ever give a meaningful presesnt. Complains angrily he is always broke.
  • Regular Black Moods, Depressed, nasty and spiteful and nothing helps.

Yet you want to make "a last ditch effort to save the relationship"

Why?

Why try to find ways to save a relationship that continues to subject your kids to being around someone so bloody miserly and miserable.

He berated you because you asked him for a simple help out to feed them. You said he wasn't like that with the kids but only with you... but trust me... Kids notice. They will have picked up on his suppressed anger and unwillingness.

They deserve to be brought up around cheerful people who appreciate them and show them a good example of decent adult behaviour... Do you think he meets that description?

Do yourself and your kids a favour.

Gettingbysomehow · 09/09/2025 12:48

LTB.

MadinMarch · 09/09/2025 12:50

DaisyChain505 · 09/09/2025 11:30

You’ve listen a whole load of inexcusable and negative things. Why would you want to try and save this.

He is who he is, there isn’t going to be some Disney miracle and he’ll wake up one morning and still all of these things.

Stop wasting your life and leave him.

This! Run. Now.
You don't owe him anything. You do owe yourself and your kids a better life.
He won't get any better whatever you do, say or try.

the5thgoldengirl · 09/09/2025 12:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

gmgnts · 09/09/2025 12:52

So what does he add to your life? I don't even see the usual caveats about him being such a nice, kind man really. Is he a fantastic lover in bed? If not, I think you should do yourself a favour and just end this - sounds like he sucks the joy out of your life.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/09/2025 12:52

Spare yourself a last ditch effort to save the relationship. Ask yourself why you want to do that at all. he is not worth your time and do not get bogged down in your sunk costs.

Your relationship with him is over due to the abuse he metes out. He does this because he can; that is all you need to understand. His relations with his children are not good either unsurprisingly. They all live a long way from him for good reason.

What attracted you to his man who has become abusive towards you in the first place?. Is he all you think you deserve?.

Get therapy for yourself going forward to figure that out and read Women who love too much by Robin Norwood.

THisbackwithavengeance · 09/09/2025 12:54

Eh? It’s like you actually hate each other. Put yourselves out of your mutual misery and end it.

TheBewleySisters · 09/09/2025 12:56

You don't need an insight, he's not going to change. He's got to this age (a grandfather) so it's unlikely he will see the light, and this will be your life going forward. Who cares why he is like he is??? Ditch him, get rid of the dark cloud hanging over your life. Life is really very short, and this is no way to spend that one precious life.

Shewasafaireh · 09/09/2025 12:56

I’m unsure what you’re trying to save, really.

There could be any number of reasons for him to be moody and tight with money (the more common one being an addiction you’re unaware of?) but regardless of what causes it, it’s unsustainable for you.

He could also just be an abusive twat that latched on to you.

DierdreDaphne · 09/09/2025 12:59

There's nothing worth saving here. He's absolutely, unforgivably, horrible and always will be.

It makes zero sense why you would want him in your life.

Coconutter24 · 09/09/2025 13:00

Just3ok · 09/09/2025 11:30

Is your toddler his child?

What toddler?

coxesorangepippin · 09/09/2025 13:02

How do you have time for that shit??

As a parent, and a woman, just how??

menopausalfart · 09/09/2025 13:04

What's there to save? Sounds as if your life would be far more pleasant without him.

Sparkletastic · 09/09/2025 13:04

Can you explain a bit about why you feel you should make one last effort to save this relationship?

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 09/09/2025 13:07

Dump him. He will get worse as he gets older. He's not a keeper

Lotsofsnacks · 09/09/2025 13:11

Do u even need to ask on here op, given his behaviour?!!! Wtf!! No ties, no kids, not living together, dump now! You that desperate to be in a relationship, this is toxic, you can do sooooo much better. Who cares about the analysis; why does he do this etc? Who cares? He’s not going to change. Honestly your relationship sounds miserable

Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow · 09/09/2025 13:17

Dont waste your time or energy trying to figure him out, just LTB.💐

EverybodyLTB · 09/09/2025 13:19

You are doing your children such a disservice trying to save the relationship with an abusive loser. Do better by your children!

BauhausOfEliott · 09/09/2025 13:19

I want to make a last ditch save effort on the relationship

Why? He’s awful and you can’t stand him.

louderthan · 09/09/2025 13:23

Christ just get rid. I’m exhausted reading your OP. Life is too short.

ClawedButler · 09/09/2025 13:24

Unless this guy is a world-class, multi-orgasmic lay with the face of an Adonis and a gold cock, I cannot see what on earth is remotely worth saving about this 'relationship'.

Don't teach your kids that this kind of behaviour in a partner is acceptable. You KNOW you deserve better than this pouting manbaby.

Timeforabitofpeace · 09/09/2025 13:26

Ffs. You know already.

Notsandwiches · 09/09/2025 13:27

What is there to save?