Hi all. So my partner of almost 4 years together has got close to a new woman friend.
he has lots of women friends. I’ve never been jealous of them , but this one doesn’t sit right with me.
They work in a similar industry , but met socially. not as colleagues.
I'm indirectly linked to them too, particularly her and we will likely have work related interactions in future
he was not particularly forthcoming about the ins and outs of their first meeting and how they became friends.
it was a year ago but it’s only very recently that the level of their involvement with each other has come to light and how much they communicate without my knowledge
They were both away at a social event where he was working his second job, she was an attendee .
I started seeing her name pop up on his phone, he downplayed it but at the time I didn’t realise it was downplayed.
I was invited but couldn’t make it due to poor health.
Later on after she’s pursued a friendship with me , she told me they spent all the time together and that he really took her under his wing and was really caring and kind.
he had ignored me over that period, saying there’d been crossed wires and that he didn’t know I was expecting him back on a certain day or expecting to hear from him.
i have never had a doubt in my mind about his fidelity and even now I don’t think he’s ‘done’ anything with her but things she has said make me believe she would if he was up for it.
She’s not in a happy relationship and she’s made it clear she finds him attractive
Her and my partner are now collaborating on something together, he never told me.
she has no need to be directly involved , I think she’s using his name to get more coverage for herself and he’s possibly using her because she will throw money at publicitiy.
theres no other reason for her name to be all over it, it’s not her job and nothing within it is her job .
I found out via social media and she keeps dropping it into conversation in shared groups we’re in but neither of them have told me directly. We had had a huge row when this was announced online so at the time me and him weren’t communicating but we had been close in the build up to the announcement
they have a connection which I don’t feel we have at the moment.
we have not been getting on and it feels like they are getting closer, it is supposedly platonic from his side but he is clearly lapping up the attention.
she is pure drama and main character energy and she hugely admires him and posts him everywhere, resharing all his work and bigging him up and he’s happy to accept it and I feel so small and inconsequential.
i can’t compete and won’t because it’s not my style
Most of my friends have become close with her too as she’s now become part of our scene due to his presence and including her with everything , it’s made me come off social media because I feel like the third wheel. I’m feeling like the outsider and I don’t like it one bit.
I truly love my partner, and never ever had a scrap of doubt in my mind about him. But this woman a) is trying to be my friend and b) wants to be liked by everyone, she’s hugely popular and is out at all functions, meet ups etc, I’m often busy due to the kids and other commitments and when I have attended they have left me out of conversations, gone off to do other activities and left me alone etc.
she has lots of couple friends and has been in scenarios where the woman partner has flipped out because of her involvement and she always comes across as the innocent person and the other women being jealous exes.
she is a loudmouth and part of the reason I don’t feel comfortable or safe in a clear boundaries confrontation is because she will likely blow it up into a public thing and get people onside and I will look like a jealous possessive woman .
I have seen this happen first hand with her and other women. She has pursued all the men in this line of work and one friend’s husband told her to back off when she started pursuing a close friendship with him but my partner has played right into her hands, I think because she is giving him so much airspace.
It’s like she gets a kick out of being besties with other peoples husbands.
he maintains it’s me he loves, I’ve got the wrong end of the stick, they’re just mates etc but ifeel it’s driving a huge wedge between us.
i can’t give an ultimatum, there are too many close connections and the way our relationship is currently I think he’d go behind my back anyway, he’s clearly prioritised her over me several times and it’s not until recently that she’s started to ‘bait’ me by constantly dropping into conversations things my dp has told her before telling me, social plans they’ve made
I don’t know how to process this or how to move on.