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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Blindsided by divorce papers

81 replies

ThisOliveHelper · 04/09/2025 17:45

Hi all. I wrote a post a couple of days ago about the state of my marriage. Only been married 10 months and my spouse became very verbally abusive with me after we moved in together. Started to throw things around the house and then would provoke me and get me really angry so when we'd argue he would film me deliberately and say hes plotting a divorce case against me and threaten to send the videos to my family and employers.

After months of push and pull and back and forth he today video called me and started to fill in the divorce papers ont he government website claiming he forgot the date we married. He told me he was doing what I wanted - filing divorce papers (I had previously said in argument what option do we have but to divorce but this was more in desperation of trying to get him to realise how bad things were and to try and work on it rather than a genuine request to file). Anyway the papers have now come through and hes told me he doesn't love me anymore and I need to find someone else who is willing to love me live with me and care for me and it wont be him but simultaneously blowing me kisses saying do you really want this. Ive been in tears on the video call and completely distraught. Im 35 worried about how ill have a family and children and feel totally devastated and bereft. I feel like this is the worst moment jn my life and im never going to get though it. Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
YouCouldHaveASteamTrain · 04/09/2025 17:47

Let him go and move on and move out while keeping as much of your dignity and cash as you can.

whattheysay · 04/09/2025 17:47

The best thing you will ever do in your life is divorce this man

Irisilume · 04/09/2025 17:47

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I think you should sign the papers and be rid of him. He sounds unhinged and abusive and the last person you should have children with.

bevelino · 04/09/2025 17:49

Let him go and have a clean break. You are far too young to be this unhappy.

AnotherDelphinium · 04/09/2025 17:51

Yup. Run for the hills and be glad you’ve only lost a few years of your life to this man and don’t have children so you can get a completely clean break!

CaffeinatedSeagull · 04/09/2025 17:57

If he’s acting like this now, do you really think he’s the right person to have children with?

Linenpickle · 04/09/2025 18:02

Leave this arsewipe now!

HelloHattie · 04/09/2025 18:03

Blowing you kisses? Divorce him and never look back.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 04/09/2025 18:03

He's a fucking knob.

Go out and buy a bottle of champagne or something and celebrate.

Thank your lucky stars that you don't have DC with him and aren't tied to him for evermore.

If this is what he's like after 10 months, imagine what he'd be like after 10 years. It doesn't bear thinking about.

Itsanewlife · 04/09/2025 18:05

He sounds immature at best and manipulative/abusive at worst. He is obviously preying on your vulnerabilities, and the dynamic you have described is deeply dysfunctional. I would suggest you sign these papers and work on those vulnerabilities with a good therapist. There is more to life than just the dream/template we women have been sold on marriage and children.

TheDeftSwan · 04/09/2025 18:05

You need to get out now and don’t waste another second. You think how hard it will be to have kids and a family, will be a million percent harder if you had them with him

R0ckandHardPlace · 04/09/2025 18:06

Are you sure they’re real papers? You can’t file for divorce in the UK until you’ve been married for 12 months. He sounds like a right prick.

GentlemanJay · 04/09/2025 18:12

He’s doing you a favour. Quick exit instead of years of misery. Run like hell.

indoorplantqueen · 04/09/2025 18:15

Sorry you’re going through this but he sounds like a head fuck and you’re much better rid of him. Imagine having a family with him. It would be a disaster.

Hairshare · 04/09/2025 18:18

Let him go and be thankful, OP. You can be so much happier without him. What a vile way to behave.

EaglesSwim · 04/09/2025 18:29

If you don't have kids together go through with the divorce ASAP, this is a disaster and it's clear from your post you don't love him or enjoy his company. (Understandably.)

For gods sake don't bring new kids into this nightmare.

If you have kids together.... I don't know.

TheSquashyHatofMrGnosspelius · 04/09/2025 18:31

The trash has taken itself out - win!

Smartiepants79 · 04/09/2025 18:32

This man is an awful, abusive lunatic.
Divorce him and live a much happier life.
Nothing about this man is worth fighting for. How on earth did he get you to marry him?

ARichtGoodDram · 04/09/2025 18:34

You have to have been married for a year before you can divorce so they're either fake or he's adjusted the marriage date

given all you've said id treat yourself to proper papers on your anniversary.

Mumski45 · 04/09/2025 18:45

Not very far into the future you will see this as the best day of your life and the day when things started to improve. A family and children with this man would be a life sentence that even divorce would not save you from. Be strong and look after yourself.

EaglesSwim · 04/09/2025 18:47

How on earth did he get you to marry him?

I must confess I find it hard to believe there were no clues. To go from a content calm relationship to this shit shower in 11 months is stretching credibility.

Ohthatsabitshit · 04/09/2025 18:48

Tell your family and get it sorted as quickly as possible. Next year will be better.

Ponderingwindow · 04/09/2025 18:52

He is abusing you. If you have children with him he will abuse them too. This type of abuse only gets worse with children in the mix.

Take the divorce papers to a solicitor to get them looked over. Make sure you are protected legally. Don’t let your STBX use the legal system as yet another way to abuse you.

Then get your clean break from him and move on with your life.

damemaggiescurledupperlip · 04/09/2025 18:56

In what circumstances did you meet and marry this prince among men?

AnnaSunshine · 04/09/2025 18:59

ThisOliveHelper · 04/09/2025 17:45

Hi all. I wrote a post a couple of days ago about the state of my marriage. Only been married 10 months and my spouse became very verbally abusive with me after we moved in together. Started to throw things around the house and then would provoke me and get me really angry so when we'd argue he would film me deliberately and say hes plotting a divorce case against me and threaten to send the videos to my family and employers.

After months of push and pull and back and forth he today video called me and started to fill in the divorce papers ont he government website claiming he forgot the date we married. He told me he was doing what I wanted - filing divorce papers (I had previously said in argument what option do we have but to divorce but this was more in desperation of trying to get him to realise how bad things were and to try and work on it rather than a genuine request to file). Anyway the papers have now come through and hes told me he doesn't love me anymore and I need to find someone else who is willing to love me live with me and care for me and it wont be him but simultaneously blowing me kisses saying do you really want this. Ive been in tears on the video call and completely distraught. Im 35 worried about how ill have a family and children and feel totally devastated and bereft. I feel like this is the worst moment jn my life and im never going to get though it. Does anyone have any advice?

I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It sounds like a really upsetting situation.

If you put the divorce papers aside and were really honest here, what is it that you want to happen?

From what you have written here, the relationship you are in does not sound as though it serves you.

There is a fallacy that traps a lot of people relating to sunk costs. I would suggest that if this relationship is not right for you, you will be able to find one that is. The only thing that will prevent that is if you don’t leave the relationship that is not right…