Husband is unrecognisable

[phlebasconsidered]

My DH and I have always been different politically. We've managed it- it's fine to have different views. I'm left, he's Tory.

Or, he was. We have two nearly grown kids, 17 and 18. He's recently been spending more time in the back room watching stuff that i've pointed out is insane. You tube, Brit news or whatever that bilge is, I don't know where it came from. He's justifying his views by citing sexual assaults on white girls. He's basically transmogrified into a fucking idiot and I can't believe it.

We used to differ on economics, sure, but now suddenly he's a 53 year old fascist? I can't talk to him. His arguments turn me around. He's been radicalised- I recognise it from experiences in my profession. He says he's going to the march on Saturday. I've told him i'll go on the opposing one.

There's no way forward as far as I can see. As far as I knew he was still a loving family man but now I just see a big arsehole. He just circles around the phrases when I tried to talk to him.

I would just stand my ground and argue back- he's been a good husband and father till now, hitting mid 50s. But i'm in a job where if he goes and protests on Saturday and gets arrested, I will be compromised, asI work with children.

I need to distance myself. I'd really like to know i'm not alone I was hoping it was a bit of a mid life crisis, but I think he's just become a toral cock.

Wtaf am I meant to do. I'd rather he ran off with a younger woman tbh. I feel ashamed of him!

So many racist tropes on this thread, starting with "Fighting age men" (or, if you prefer, "working age men".)

Then, the conflation of the number of "small boats" asylum seekers with overall numbers of migrants. (There has been a large rise in the number of non-European migrants since Brexit, alongside new rules allowing more Hong Kong Chinese and Ukrainians to settle here for obvious reasons).

Meanwhile, millionaires and billionaires, from Farage and Tice to Musk and Murdoch milk the system, not paying taxes and manipulating public opinion for their own ends.

It's all a distraction technique to get ordinary people at war with each other while the billionaires milk us all dry.

I thinks some of us can see the early stage of this! And I know a couple! They sit watching news, one channel for propaganda and are becoming more extreme in their views. Definitely not just political now. Keep an eye out, these people are turning dangerous and once they’ve finished with whatever human to fear now it will be another next. They barely their home town, and think everyone wants to vote reform

I would say stick it out a big longer. It seems as if from reading these threads you are not alone in having partner going awol. I am not in that position TG but have cousin in US who is v Trumpy- eg he believes insurrection was staged!! I try to avoid him. Of course that is easy for me to do but I am trying to make the point that so many men and women have been radicalised and we are in such a polarised society. It sounds a bit cynical of me but if you can stay with it while you have the basis of married life I would hang on to that. He may change and revise or temper his views in time. I do feel for you.

Hi, my ex husband began to watch a lot of politics online, American & UK, around Brexit time. He became unhinged and spouting all sorts. He was paranoid AF too. In the end he was sectioned and diagnosed with bipolar at age 50. Im not saying this is what's happened to your husband but it might be worth considering it may be mental health issue.

I would suggest that it is you, OP, who is radicalised. Wake up.

Did he vote for Brexit? A lot of these protesters thought, incorrectly, this would stop illegal immigrants. What Farage, Boris and their ilk neglected to publicise was that leaving the EU would remove our ability as a member to return people to France. Consequently, Brexit opened the doors for an influx of small boats which had not happened before. I remind my husband of this when he goes off about migrants and boats!!

Speaking as a man. It seems as though there are very few of us left who can still think critically. The issue is not being right wing or left wing but billionaire funded extremism permeating social media by Andrew Tate style manipulations and sexism. Im afraid your marriage is over, sadly. I can only apologise on behalf of all men who have lost their way. Thank God that you women still have a voice and a vote! Use it wisely.

Any men on here who can support this?

Sorry the you tube videos may not be appearing. One is about peer educators and the other a refugee talking about why they came. You can find useful You Tube videos to show your husband.

He isn’t wrong. Back when Syria hit a humanitarian crisis, Merkel opened the doors of Europe. It has never recovered. At some point, we must face facts and accept we need to help Palestine. The only issue is a lot of these people have values which are the polar opposite of our own. We need to curb immigration, especially illegal, and start deporting those failed asylum seekers. We should also be able to track them better as, IMO, we don’t do a good job of it.

The most sensible and balanced comment here.

The country is a cesspit since Leir Starlin took control and it's people like you who hate this country and its history who give him succour.

'Leir Starlin'? God, that's pathetic.

How many of you have actually listened to him being interviewed by liam tufts in youtube speaking about his life journey to now. ????? Most people adopt what they are told by media and do not seek out 'horses mouth' sources. Media sways public thinking this way and that. I try and search out the actual person ,actually speaking and then decide on that. Things are not always what they seem as glib labelling gets dished out. I think critical thinking on this topic would include listening to such an interview.

@Aquilaboy oh I think it was a cesspit ( in some areas of it) well well before Starmer drew the short straw - the Tory’s made it so over many years ( nothing significant has changed) and at the point they threw in the towel they damn well made it so in order to further dissatisfaction with the incoming government - but you knew that already . It’s called politics .

Gosh I feel for you OP....and I'm not sure I see a way forward from this. He is simply not the man you married and you sound disgusted...how do you come back from it? A lot of people have become radicalised recently...and it's due to online content and the inability to evaluate critically what they are listening to and the accuracy of it. A couple of my close friendships are on the rocks...one a best friend of over 30 years. Suddenly they are watching hours of YouTube content and regurgitating what I can only describe as racist rhetoric and scaremongering.

I also believe that immigration needs to be controlled better and be prevented. A system like Australia would be ideal. But never have I othered, generalised and dehumanised whole sections of society for merely wanting a better life in the UK. The future is worrying. I have challenged both my friends. My best friend of 30 years I told I never want to discuss it with her again. That if our friendship was new it would be over....I wouldn't sit next to her in a pub spouting the things she said to me. That I never want to discuss it with her again....truth is although I love her; I will never see her the same way again. I see her every couple of months...if she was my hubby it would be over. Sorry OP...I hope he snaps out of it ❤️

Thank goodness it's not just me! My husband isn't going on the marches but is increasingly holding these views. It's causing even greater alienation between us. It's not snobbery to feel lonely when living with someone who doesn't think critically. When I do he says we've been indoctrinated by incorrect news etc is into conspiracy theories. I talk, think, discuss for a loving, he is a manual worker. That was never an issue before but now he likes NF and TR and comes out with this anti immigration tripe. I don't have advice so not sure why posting apart from to say thanks for sharing as similarly affected.

Do you mean this chap, Liam Tuffs? The one who had an absolute unhinged hissy fit because a policeman refused to shake his hand on camera?

Note the pop-eyes and red face. Yaxley-Lennon has that look on his videos too. Wonder why?

Really sorry to hear this is a difficult time for you. I agree with you it sounds as if he has become radicalised to some extent and is spending way too much time online watching stuff that is exacerbating and reinforcing his negative thoughts and feelings about immigration which is a hot topic right now.

Personally if I were in your shoes I would want to know that I had tried everything to try and get through to him before walking away from the marriage. I would stay away from politics altogether but I would express my concerns to him that you understand he doesnt like what's happening in the UK/world atm as none of us do and its understandable he feels angry as lots of us do. He may want to go on the march to be in solidarity with others as he does have a right to protest but it needs to be peaceful. I am not sure he is in the right headspace to control his emotions right now from what you are saying. You could say to him that you are worried about the changes in him and that you feel the stuff he is watching is harming him and turning him into someone you don't recognise, I wonder if in some way he's become addicted to watching this stuff and may not realise it. It is damaging his mental health and I don't think he's aware of it, he needs some help and guidance in taking a step back from this situation to get some perspective and clarity and if he won't listen to you would he get therapy? I would try and encourage him to spend time doing other things that he enjoys that takes him away from social media and watching youtube/videos to break this vicious cycle he's got trapped in.

If he won't listen then you have no other alternative but to end the relationship as you have to protect yourself and your livlihood.

So you want to fight racism with xenophobia...amazing!

The best post on the whole thread.

What marches are you refering to here then

The people I saw on the march appeared of the same ilk as the racist marches in the past, with a few people that may not have been in the pre internet era.

I'm assuming you aren't talking about the pro Palestine marches or the Let Women Speak marches while answering the OP?

Good luck with that, most people on here just believe what the telly box (and the Guardian) told them. I realised during Covid the inability of most of the British public to do their own research.

@MasterBeth correct

This is absolutely not true

@CuriousKangaroo I'm sorry you feel you are afraid for your child. My dh told me recently that he has been on the receiving end of abuse from teenage girls. He ignores it. He is not from an ethnic minority but poor childrearing practises means more young people are brats. Do you call out every rude comment made to you as racist? If so you may be making the problem worse.

Suggesting women leave their husbands of many years for what could be a peaceful protest may be a common mumsnet reaction but it's also extremism.