Argument over a £1

[ForGentleBeaker]

Years ago my best friend and her husband ran into severe financial difficulties and were going to lose their home. I was pregnant, hormonal, emotional, my head was all over the place, and I desperately wanted to help them.
At that time I had no money but we owned a property in an absolute rundown part of London - my husband purchased it with a gift from his parents and I was added to the deeds after we were married.
Long story short, my attempt to help my friend went awry, and my husband had to sell the property. The property is worth an absolute fortune now. The whole area has undergone gentrification, and we missed out on the crazy London property boom.

My husband doesn't ever want to discuss and I had thought we had put it behind us. I have immense guilt.

Last week, whilst grocery shopping with him, I exchange a premium product for a store brand, and he went ballistic. He started mumbling about why I was saving pennies when I happlynlissed away so much trying to help my friend.

In the car, I was called a jumped up bitch, and he spent the journey home ranting at me for making him sell the property; being a SAHM when the children were younger; spending money; and diminishing his role and magnifying mine.

He is refusing to speak to me because he doesnt want to listen to the verbal diarrhea coming out of my mouth - his words.

I don't know where we go from here. We have 3 children, and he is an excellent father, and husband, till now. It seems he has been harbouring this resent towards me but there is nothing I can do.

Dad, is that you?! He likes quoting Kipling (and Lewis Carrol)!

How much was the loan? Like a lot of posters here I agree he shouldnt be abusive but I can sympathise with him. He didn't want to lend your friend money, you thought you knew best and went ahead anyway. Not good. Why would you put a risk of lending money to a friend above your own family life? Don't get it.

Did you realise what might have happened if they didn't pay you back?

He was right though, wasn't he? I don't understand why you would go ahead and take such a huge financial risk knowing that your spouse was against it.

In the end your friend still lost everything but so did you and your husband.

The only mystery is why he didn't leave you at the time.

Which is why he is now thinking “If we hadn’t sold the house we could have rented it out over the years and would now have a tangible asset worth £xxx,xxx.” I can see why he is resentful, yes it’s hindsight, but there is also a huge grain of truth in the thought process, starting with you lending out money you didn’t even have and thereby getting into debt.

Your husband is worried about his job and financial future and providing fir his family.
A worry he wouldn't have to have if you hadn't of been so stupid in the first place.

I'd have been so bloody furious I don't think I'd have gotten over it...and sounds like he hasn't

His current financial situation is obviously weighing heavy and he feels given various decisions you've made that all the pressure is on him.

So how much have you cost him altogether? In the loan and in lost £ on the property?

I don’t believe you think the issue is a £1 shopping swap.
NOBODY can be that stupid.

Google the term ‘financial infidelity’ You went against his wishes and lost him his inheritance ffs! I have no idea why he stayed with you after that, particularly as you seem to have no concept of how utterly awful your behaviour was and are playing the victim card now.

This.
you ignored his sound advice and recklessly then lost his inheritance. You put a friend above your family. I’d have ended the relationship then tbh.

I wouldn’t forgive you either OP

I thought this too! I re-read and she said at the beginning she was pregnant when she lent the money. Obviously we don’t know how long there was between the money being lent and it becoming clear they weren’t getting it back but I can see how someone would not want to leave while their wife was pregnant/ they had a newborn, even if their partner had done something unforgivable.

But this was years ago, they must have got jobs since then, have they starting paying anything back per year?

The property is worth an absolute fortune now. The whole area has undergone gentrification, and we missed out on the crazy London property boom

Yep, I can understand why he is so pissed off.

its not hindsight, he didn't want his wife to do it at the time.

OP, I am really not surprised your husband is angry. Your friends are not friends.
Have you asked them to return what you lent them?

How much money did they borrow? Or is it a secret?

Also, did you borrow more money from the bank than you lent your friends?

To be honest I think what you did to risk your own family’s financial security against the wishes of your husband is unforgivable, especially when it led to him losing the property which was bought with his parents hard earned cash rather than yours. If my partner had done this I would not have stuck around.

There's absolutely no way I would have become a SAHM after having brought about a foolish situation that my husband disagreed with, that forced the sale of my husband's property (your name being on the deed is morally irrelevant - it was his money/investment that was lost). Now he's worried about his job and your financial security and wondering what might have been if his fool of a wife hadn't lost him his investment. And you are complaining about him on Mumsnet instead of thinking of a way to help the situation.

Have you made any moves at all to try and get/ earn that money back? Honestly, OP, you’ll be talking thousands of pounds here (I think you are being a bit facetious saying it’s over £1- it isn’t!!) - I’d have divorced you on the spot for unilaterally removing my family’s financial security.

You are worried he called you names?

You can't be serious.

Did you swap something he chose / wanted to buy? How do you share your finances now? I assume your friends went bankrupt. You say they lost everything but your DP lost a family inheritance and a house. My sympathies lean towards him although

What’s the £1 got to do with this?

Quite frankly I would have left a man who made me lose my house by lending money to a friend. But if I'd be him I would have said absolutely not to the loan. If he knew about it and didn't say no then he too is just as liable and a fool. I would not be able to get over this.
Maybe he felt trapped by the children and couldn't leave. He obviously still has huge issues with this and hasn't forgotten it.
I don't know where this is going but I think your only hope is to untangle it with a counsellor and see what he wants to do.

The posters on here saying your husband is abusive etc are just insane and the usual we hate all men, all women are amazing crew 🙄🙄.
I would of called you a hell of a lot worse if you done that to my family, he must be so infuriated that you did that to him, your child and your future.
I would say you need to start fixing your huge mistake, get back to work, budget hard and apologise profusely for the mess you have made.