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Original poster

Argument over a £1

1000 replies

ForGentleBeaker · 30/08/2025 08:57

Years ago my best friend and her husband ran into severe financial difficulties and were going to lose their home. I was pregnant, hormonal, emotional, my head was all over the place, and I desperately wanted to help them.
At that time I had no money but we owned a property in an absolute rundown part of London - my husband purchased it with a gift from his parents and I was added to the deeds after we were married.
Long story short, my attempt to help my friend went awry, and my husband had to sell the property. The property is worth an absolute fortune now. The whole area has undergone gentrification, and we missed out on the crazy London property boom.

My husband doesn't ever want to discuss and I had thought we had put it behind us. I have immense guilt.

Last week, whilst grocery shopping with him, I exchange a premium product for a store brand, and he went ballistic. He started mumbling about why I was saving pennies when I happlynlissed away so much trying to help my friend.

In the car, I was called a jumped up bitch, and he spent the journey home ranting at me for making him sell the property; being a SAHM when the children were younger; spending money; and diminishing his role and magnifying mine.

He is refusing to speak to me because he doesnt want to listen to the verbal diarrhea coming out of my mouth - his words.

I don't know where we go from here. We have 3 children, and he is an excellent father, and husband, till now. It seems he has been harbouring this resent towards me but there is nothing I can do.

OP posts:
carmak · 30/08/2025 10:36

I think he's done well to keep a lid on it for so long.

I'm angry with you and it's nothing remotely to do with me.

Is this a reverse?

godmum56 · 30/08/2025 10:36

I think its as simple as he has never got over his anger at your behaviour and now he is concerned about his job, its boiled over. Its pretty unsurprising and honestly I am not sure if there is anything that you can do about it.

Original poster
ForGentleBeaker · 30/08/2025 10:37

Spirallingdownwards · 30/08/2025 10:28

So have your friends tried to repay you? Did you have a formal agreement with them? Have you sued them if they haven't repaid.

I can see why your husband is angry about having to sell his home to bail you out and I suspect from time to time it bothers him still and then when you swap out something he wants to save pennies it irks him.

Why om earth did you risk your own financial security to help a friend?

My friends havent repaid me. They ended up losing everything, including their home.

OP posts:
Backinajiffy · 30/08/2025 10:38

Sounds like he's already gone down the wrong route, but you could tell him to read some Kipling and grow up...

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

fluffiphlox · 30/08/2025 10:39

His language in this instance is not acceptable, i am not surprised though that he is angry and resentful about the loss of the property, your financial naivety and the fact that you helped a sponger.

Dabberlocks · 30/08/2025 10:40

@ForGentleBeaker How much did you borrow to give to your friend?

ginasevern · 30/08/2025 10:42

Sorry OP but I would've called you all sorts of names at the time and then divorced you. You've diminished both your futures and that of your children for some random person. It's even worse because the property was bought with your DH's parent's money so he's been properly screwed over. No wonder he's bitter.

carmak · 30/08/2025 10:42

Backinajiffy · 30/08/2025 10:38

Sounds like he's already gone down the wrong route, but you could tell him to read some Kipling and grow up...

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

Not sure it's applicable in this situation. It was OP's gamble and she'd be very happy to never mention it again.

McSpoot · 30/08/2025 10:44

Backinajiffy · 30/08/2025 10:38

Sounds like he's already gone down the wrong route, but you could tell him to read some Kipling and grow up...

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If I were her husband and she tried to that, I'd point that the wrong path was taken by her when she gave money that she couldn't afford to friends and suggest that she read some Shakespeare...

Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

Spirallingdownwards · 30/08/2025 10:45

ForGentleBeaker · 30/08/2025 10:37

My friends havent repaid me. They ended up losing everything, including their home.

Show quote history

Why haven't they repaid you though? They lost everything at the tike. You lost your home. They still owed you the money. What steps have they taken to try to repay you even if tiny amounts?

Mumofteenandtween · 30/08/2025 10:45

ForGentleBeaker · 30/08/2025 10:24

He has become anxious about his job and financial security. That's the only difference I've seen in the past 6 months.

Show quote history

That’s the answer then. What before was a theoretical annoyance is now presumably a very real fear that he is going to lose his job and the implications on you all. Presumably he is the main earner so if he loses his job could you end up homeless?

And then he looks at the highly valuable property that he should have owned and realises that he shouldn’t be having sleepless nights at all.

godmum56 · 30/08/2025 10:46

Mumofteenandtween · 30/08/2025 10:45

That’s the answer then. What before was a theoretical annoyance is now presumably a very real fear that he is going to lose his job and the implications on you all. Presumably he is the main earner so if he loses his job could you end up homeless?

And then he looks at the highly valuable property that he should have owned and realises that he shouldn’t be having sleepless nights at all.

Show quote history

this....and its due to what the OP did.

Didimum · 30/08/2025 10:47

How much money did you borrow and did your DH know about it at the time you borrowed?

It must have been an awful lot of money if selling a property was the only way to clear it.

Calling your partner a bitch is NEVER ok, but borrowing huge sums of money completely irresponsibly without the agreement of your partner in a marriage, and severely affecting your finances for life, is also awful. Being pregnant is in no way an excuse.

Dragonflydancer · 30/08/2025 10:47

He put you on the deeds of his house.

You got him into debt.

You "had no money" and then you were a SAHM: how were you ever in a position to make lofty decisions to lend people money?

Id be so pissed off if I were him

Spirallingdownwards · 30/08/2025 10:47

Backinajiffy · 30/08/2025 10:38

Sounds like he's already gone down the wrong route, but you could tell him to read some Kipling and grow up...

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

One of them went down the wrong route - the one spaffing away their money giving it to friends who took the money, never repaid it and still lost their home, causing OP and her husband to lose theirs too!

MagdaLenor · 30/08/2025 10:49

ForGentleBeaker · 30/08/2025 09:30

I borrowed money to help my friend, but she couldn't repay me and I couldn't repay the bank.

Show quote history

Oh dear God. What's her situation now, has she just disappeared?

Pinkissmart · 30/08/2025 10:50

BlondeFool · 30/08/2025 10:09

How much did you borrow? To have to sell a London flat to cover it is INSANE. Did your friend keep her home?

This. Surely there was another way.

Had you gone into serious arrears with the payments?

howshouldibehave · 30/08/2025 10:50

He didn't want to lend them anything. His logic was that people who get into money troubles are never able to resolve them

I can understand his point of view. It sounds like the current financial worries he has are really bothering him and he blames you for destroying his precious financial security.

MagdaLenor · 30/08/2025 10:52

Mumofteenandtween · 30/08/2025 10:45

That’s the answer then. What before was a theoretical annoyance is now presumably a very real fear that he is going to lose his job and the implications on you all. Presumably he is the main earner so if he loses his job could you end up homeless?

And then he looks at the highly valuable property that he should have owned and realises that he shouldn’t be having sleepless nights at all.

Show quote history

This. He shouldn't verbally abuse you, but you do need to address what's happened.
Is there no way to retrieve any money?
How was the property lost?

KiwiFall · 30/08/2025 10:54

Sorry but I think it was really over when you put a friend ahead of your husband/family/financial security. He has done elk not to have this argument before but I think the anxiety about his job has magnified it and brought it back up to the surface. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but to pay your loan to the bank you should have gotten a job on evenings when the kids were asleep and DH would be home.

Tiswa · 30/08/2025 10:54

So he is becoming financially anxious at the moment so what happened is becoming relevant again?

were yiu able to buy again and save some money or did he lose all your parents gave the both of you?

I would find this hard to forgive not just the lending but the fact he wasn’t (and I wouldn’t have been) on board either

godmum56 · 30/08/2025 10:55

Backinajiffy · 30/08/2025 10:38

Sounds like he's already gone down the wrong route, but you could tell him to read some Kipling and grow up...

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

could you do that for someone else's stupid decision?

Pluvia · 30/08/2025 10:56

His response to you isn't about £1 saved on a supermarket shop and I can't but think that's a very manipulative point for you to start from, OP.

He'd bought a house, he'd done the right thing and put you on the deeds. You presumably borrowed against the house in order to help a friend out and because your friend didn't pay you back, and because you couldn't pay, he lost his home — which had been his house alone, bought with his family money? I'd be bitter about it too.

There's going to be a long back story to this. Did you consult with him before borrowing against the property? If not, you were utterly reckless and I'm amazed he stayed with you, frankly.

Typicalwave · 30/08/2025 10:56

Has he ever been given the opportunity to air his feelings that he was forced to sell the home he bought from his parents gift that could have secured the future? Because you made a unilateral decision to take out a loan for someone else that caused that (having to sell) to happen?

Because, and I’m just talking about my experience, I never ever would have ever been allowed to talk about his I felt aboyg my future being fucked up vevayse of something like that.

Have you ever given him that opportunity and apologised profusely? Have you ever tried to rectify things in other ways? You frittered away his parents gift….

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 30/08/2025 10:57

Mumofteenandtween · 30/08/2025 10:45

That’s the answer then. What before was a theoretical annoyance is now presumably a very real fear that he is going to lose his job and the implications on you all. Presumably he is the main earner so if he loses his job could you end up homeless?

And then he looks at the highly valuable property that he should have owned and realises that he shouldn’t be having sleepless nights at all.

Show quote history

This. All the stress he's under at the moment is magnified by what happened.

It sounds like he didn't want to lend the money and it was your decision.

I can understand he's very, very angry and has done his best to brush it under the carpet, but the emotions have to come out somewhere.

The argument was not over £1 so your title is disingenuous.

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