Argument over a £1

[ForGentleBeaker]

Years ago my best friend and her husband ran into severe financial difficulties and were going to lose their home. I was pregnant, hormonal, emotional, my head was all over the place, and I desperately wanted to help them.
At that time I had no money but we owned a property in an absolute rundown part of London - my husband purchased it with a gift from his parents and I was added to the deeds after we were married.
Long story short, my attempt to help my friend went awry, and my husband had to sell the property. The property is worth an absolute fortune now. The whole area has undergone gentrification, and we missed out on the crazy London property boom.

My husband doesn't ever want to discuss and I had thought we had put it behind us. I have immense guilt.

Last week, whilst grocery shopping with him, I exchange a premium product for a store brand, and he went ballistic. He started mumbling about why I was saving pennies when I happlynlissed away so much trying to help my friend.

In the car, I was called a jumped up bitch, and he spent the journey home ranting at me for making him sell the property; being a SAHM when the children were younger; spending money; and diminishing his role and magnifying mine.

He is refusing to speak to me because he doesnt want to listen to the verbal diarrhea coming out of my mouth - his words.

I don't know where we go from here. We have 3 children, and he is an excellent father, and husband, till now. It seems he has been harbouring this resent towards me but there is nothing I can do.

Yep. No one living south of the river would ever say they live in east london

Just looked at my old street and 2 bed houses were selling for 80-90 in 2000 so they did double in value in 3/4 years

Thats in E6

tbh i guess your husband has repressed feelings about this.

Teach your children not to be so utterly stupid.

Used to live there. Called in East. 😆

Also thought it was quite helpful as an area that you’d go to today and be blown away by the recent investment.

If you Google “sold prices, road, postcode” you can get figures for the area you’re thinking of for a two bed terraced for extra comparison. Definitely interesting to see how different areas in London have jumped over 25 years.

I'm sorry OP. You made a mistake for a good reason and you know your mistakes. It doesn't mean you have to live with his resentment of you. So please don't.

Long story short, my attempt to help my friend went awry

My friends havent repaid me. They ended up losing everything, including their home.

This is all very vague and passive. Vague I get, as you don’t want it to be outing, but why all this “it went awry” and “They ended up losing everything”, as if it all just happened somehow with no one having any control over it.

Did your friends propose a repayment plan? Was anything ever written down? Were any attempts even made to repay you - and if not, will there be in future? Did you take out the loan knowing that you could only afford the repayments if your friends paid you back - even though this was obviously a massive risk? Did you even discuss it with your husband before making this massive decision?

You are now in difficult financial circumstances of your own where a) there is no naive friend willing to put her own finances on the line to help you and b) a property in a valuable part of London would solve a hell of a lot. Of course he’s mad. £1 either way is not the issue here and you know it.

You’re vile.

Lived in Lewisham too. No one called it east….because it is not. Sarf London is a state of mind and location

I keep coming back to this thread because it’s hit a nerve from my own past with a family member I’m now NC with for exactly the same behaviour as you OP. Reading your thread title again has just made me angrier. Calling it “an argument over £1” is insulting and completely dismissive of what you’ve done to your DH. And let’s be clear: this is a female-heavy forum that normally bends over backwards to support women, yet the majority of us here are backing your DH, not you.

All very nice on a sampler, or perhaps a framed print over the toilet. Meanwhile in the real world, OP has made serious financial fuck-ups and wonders why her husband is annoyed.

Hot as hell and a bloody good shag 🙄

Best transport links and parks in town!

And a sad day when Sparrow closed its doors.

I am so sorry op I know you don’t want to hear this but I can’t stop thinking about your poor husband. And his parents. What a betrayal. And all because you wanted to pay lady bountiful.

you know friends don’t normally loan friends the price of a house, right? Did you even get a payment plan written down with them? Didn’t you think if a bank wouldn’t lend them they weren’t a good bet?

jesus wept like fuck me but you are so self absorbed and pathetic it’s embarrassing. Give yourself a bloody good shake and get a plan in place to pay your husband back.

I hope you’re at work full time. Maybe time to get a second job so you can pay him back.

mistake is leaving the freezer door open, not wilfully entering into a loan when advised not to
Yes he can and should bring this up on a daily basis as her stupidity is impacting daily
She need to get a job and start contributing

she made a massive howler for zero reason at all and now her husband is worried he might lose his job, she has put his future in jeopardy.

TBH it wouldn't bother me if the OP was left in penury, but her poor DH. (although: he should have divorced her immediately, then gone for full custody of DC on account of his wife being feckless and likely to ruin their future. Harsh? yes. But even last century everyone knew that property values, esp in London, would only increase.)

So i wonder if OP is going to come back?

I can't believe you have the brass neck to whinge that he called you a bitch when you completely and utterly fucked him. You are not a victim in this situation.

He may have genuinely thought he could get past it at the time but having seen how much the value of the property has increased since it was sold, and now facing uncertainty with his job, it's understandable that the situation is playing on his mind.

He warned you against the loan and your horrendous decision forced his hand with regard to selling the flat. His resentment has obviously increased relative to its value because that's how much money you have cost your family in real terms. I'd be seething if I were him.

OP, when was the property sold?

It would be helpful for everyone to understand why this has taken you so by surprise.

I have made the assumption that it was quite a long time ago….

…could you fill us in?

You made a mistake years ago and he thinks it’s acceptable to verbally abuse you now. It isn’t.

Tell him to get over it or leave. I wouldn’t entertain another conversation about it.

I’d be divorcing you if I was him. And I’d be asking that the loan you took out without his approval and the associated costs come out of your half of the settlement. And get added to his. And that hill I would fight as hard as fuck on.

how bloody dare you. All because you wanted to be Mrs Benevolent. With someone else’s money.

I am appalled.

She should be the one to leave in this situation.

Yes. She should.

No born and bred Londoner would ever call south of the river east as it shows a complete lack of understanding of the dynamics of London.

Though other than showing Lewisham was cheap as chips back in the day, it’s a total diversion to the subject at hand

too late for him to divorce her. She will get half of what he has left after she screwed their finances.

unfortunately for him

Finding a way to make amends does not mean accepting being verbally abused daily.

Mistake? Like forgetting milk?
She literally blew up the family finances and is now commenting when he doesn’t buy value range groceries
She caused this and he’s carrying all the burden

But this was your fault. You made a stupid decision, especially when you’re a SAHM. You chose to borrow money for your friends who clearly aren’t your friends because they didn’t pay you back. You had to sell property to cover your mistake. I would have divorced you. You caused this mess on your own.