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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriends hygiene is awful

95 replies

california1994 · 29/08/2025 16:25

My new boyfriend's hygiene leaves much to be desired. He claims he showers and brushes his teeth once a day (though I've seen evidence to the contrary), but I feel like he should do it more often. There have been a few times he’s showed up at my house with greasy hair and a bit of a sweaty smell. He doesn't seem to take much pride in his appearance (wearing old worn out clothes), but I can overlook that as long as they are clean. However, his personal hygiene is starting to give me the ick.

Last night, I drove over an hour to see him, showered, makeup and a nice outfit, while he literally got ready 5 minutes before I arrived (I know this because I was on the phone with him). He didn’t shower again since he had already done it that morning, but he had been at work all day. He was wearing the same clothes. It pissed me off as I’d put in so much effort.

He doesn’t realise it, but it’s beginning to impact our sex life too. There have been a couple of occasions when I attempted to give him oral sex, but there was a “smell" down there. His house isn’t the cleanest either, but we usually just stay at mine anyway.

How on earth do I bring this up with him? Other than that, he’s lovely and treats me well / better than any of the other men I’ve dated. I really don’t want this to be the reason why it doesn’t work out between us.

OP posts:
PrawnofthePatriarchy · 29/08/2025 16:30

Drop him.- and perhaps tell him why.as a parting gift. This will go on damaging his capacity to maintain relationships -:how many other women will tolerate a smelly partner?

ButSheSaid · 29/08/2025 16:32

In the bin with him. He's showing you how much he thinks of you- believe him.
Tell him you no longer find him attractive, and enjoy life. People who choose to be dirty and stinking are not for dating.

AdoraBell · 29/08/2025 16:34

I couldn’t put up with this. You are worth much better, walk away.

StarCourt · 29/08/2025 16:35

I had a boyfriend like this 6 years ago. In the end I had to leave. I kept talking to him and telling him how much it affected me but he always laughed it off and didn’t listen. His house hygiene was awful too. I majorly got the Ick.

NowStartingOver · 29/08/2025 16:35

It's bigger enough issue for you to come here to discuss it. Perhaps you are seeking confirmation to get rid of him? I would.

speckledjimmy · 29/08/2025 16:36

No no no. Walk away and tell him. A smelly penis is an absolute red line

SoozyWoozy5 · 29/08/2025 16:38

Gross. Just move on..

Abthdust · 29/08/2025 16:38

Do you want this man to share your house with you? He will do no housework. I left someone once because the state of his fridge was alarming and DH got bonus points for having worked in the food industry and being shit hot on food hygiene. 25 years later he’s forgotten most of it but the general level of cleanliness in our house is ok. As PP said throw him back but tell him why.

SiameseBlueEyes · 29/08/2025 16:39

Imagine the state of his teeth! He's grubby. His house is grubby. How is that treating you with respect.

Wherehavealltheflowersgone1 · 29/08/2025 16:39

“Dave, I could really like you, but you need to shower more often. It puts me off you, and sex, when you smell”. Tell him, because he honestly might not realise.
I knew a young man like this once, just as a friend. He’d been brought up by his dad, who didn’t believe in deodorant and thought clothes, including underwear, only needed to be changed once a week. I couldn’t stand it, so told him he needed to wash, change his clothes every day and use some Sure! He had no idea that what he was doing wasn’t “normal” but sorted it after that.

noidea69 · 29/08/2025 16:41

Rank, absolutely rank, couldnt go within 10 feet of someone like that, let alone touch their dick.

16plusDC · 29/08/2025 16:42

How did he make it to boyfriend in the first place?

LivingWithANob · 29/08/2025 16:43

Would you expect him to go down on you if you had not wash within the past 24/48 hrs? Gross

raise it with him. Honestly, it’s disgusting. Two chances only to change and after that walk away. Im sorry but these issues early on as a boyf is not what you want in a future relationship.

MageQueen · 29/08/2025 16:43

I don't understand this. it's clearly a fairly new relationship, why on earth would you make any effort to even change this? This is who he is. And his standards of hygeine and effort do not meet yours. Which is completely unacceptable when you should still be in the part where you're at your best selves.

SummerInSun · 29/08/2025 16:44

Exactly as PP said just TELL him. “Boyfriend, I really like you, but your poor personal hygiene is really putting me off, and particularly putting me off sex. As a minimum, you should be showering once a day, plus after any exercise or labouring work, and teeth have to be brushed at least twice a day.”

I see so many threads on MN where people say that children don’t need a shower or bath every day, that it takes too long, wastes water, that their DC doesn’t like it so they don’t push it, etc - and then we are surprised that the world is full of young men who don’t understand basic hygiene!

dobbysvest · 29/08/2025 16:46

Obviously there are the predictable replies and yes it is grim. But I don’t think it’s a sign of disrespect towards you personally. Do we really think in his own mind he’s thinking “yeah fuck her, I’ll not shower and show her who the boss is.”

It’s much more likely he grew up in a household where hygiene wasn’t prioritised and has simply never learnt. It’s become what he’s used to. I had an ex like this, was brought up by his grandparents and as a child only had a bath once a week on a Sunday. Quite often he would smell so I spoke to him about it in a reasonable way and he was embarrassed but did sort himself out.

I’m not saying it’s not a problem, clearly it is bothering you and rightly so. But it does boggle my mind how people immediately jump to the conclusion that this is a deliberate sign of disrespect or that you should bin him without even discussing it.

Wornouttoday · 29/08/2025 16:47

How did you get past the first date, OP?

ButSheSaid · 29/08/2025 16:48

OP is not this mans parent and should not be telling a man things that are so far below the barest of minimum. If she needs to teach him how to function on the level of a toddler, how does that enhance her life?
She could be enjoying her life instead.

Enigma54 · 29/08/2025 16:49

🤮 In the bin. How utterly disgusting!

StrawberryWater · 29/08/2025 16:53

Vile.

Get rid of the stinky little man.

Lazy hygiene is grim.

hobbledyhoy · 29/08/2025 16:53

Why are you trying so hard and putting so much effort in to make it work with someone who gives you the ick. Can you imagine how bad it’ll be after the initial period of best behaviour ends?

Just say goodbye and move on.

Beamur · 29/08/2025 16:55

Tell him.
If he doesn't change, end it.

justasking111 · 29/08/2025 16:56

Beamur · 29/08/2025 16:55

Tell him.
If he doesn't change, end it.

This

CountryGirlInTheCity · 29/08/2025 16:56

Oh dear. Tell him once, if he changes straight away, fine, if he doesn’t or needs reminders I’m afraid that would be it for me.

FluffyBoob · 29/08/2025 16:58

california1994 · 29/08/2025 16:25

My new boyfriend's hygiene leaves much to be desired. He claims he showers and brushes his teeth once a day (though I've seen evidence to the contrary), but I feel like he should do it more often. There have been a few times he’s showed up at my house with greasy hair and a bit of a sweaty smell. He doesn't seem to take much pride in his appearance (wearing old worn out clothes), but I can overlook that as long as they are clean. However, his personal hygiene is starting to give me the ick.

Last night, I drove over an hour to see him, showered, makeup and a nice outfit, while he literally got ready 5 minutes before I arrived (I know this because I was on the phone with him). He didn’t shower again since he had already done it that morning, but he had been at work all day. He was wearing the same clothes. It pissed me off as I’d put in so much effort.

He doesn’t realise it, but it’s beginning to impact our sex life too. There have been a couple of occasions when I attempted to give him oral sex, but there was a “smell" down there. His house isn’t the cleanest either, but we usually just stay at mine anyway.

How on earth do I bring this up with him? Other than that, he’s lovely and treats me well / better than any of the other men I’ve dated. I really don’t want this to be the reason why it doesn’t work out between us.

LTsmellyB