Boyfriends hygiene is awful

[california1994]

My new boyfriend's hygiene leaves much to be desired. He claims he showers and brushes his teeth once a day (though I've seen evidence to the contrary), but I feel like he should do it more often. There have been a few times he’s showed up at my house with greasy hair and a bit of a sweaty smell. He doesn't seem to take much pride in his appearance (wearing old worn out clothes), but I can overlook that as long as they are clean. However, his personal hygiene is starting to give me the ick.

Last night, I drove over an hour to see him, showered, makeup and a nice outfit, while he literally got ready 5 minutes before I arrived (I know this because I was on the phone with him). He didn’t shower again since he had already done it that morning, but he had been at work all day. He was wearing the same clothes. It pissed me off as I’d put in so much effort.

He doesn’t realise it, but it’s beginning to impact our sex life too. There have been a couple of occasions when I attempted to give him oral sex, but there was a “smell" down there. His house isn’t the cleanest either, but we usually just stay at mine anyway.

How on earth do I bring this up with him? Other than that, he’s lovely and treats me well / better than any of the other men I’ve dated. I really don’t want this to be the reason why it doesn’t work out between us.

The amount of threads I’ve seen where the OP will say ‘yeah his hygiene is appalling but he treats me better than any other man I’ve dated’ makes me want to hurl so bad. Seriously OP, is this the highest setting of your bar?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Gross. I would never put up with that. It’s lazy and disrespectful.

🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 no, dump him.

yuck. He wouldn’t have been offered a second date with me….

Come on.
Tell him you aren't going anywhere near him when he stinks.

Standards.

No, don't do this.

Why should OP mother him?

I would dump him anyway because he obviously doesn’t like you.

Most guys would shower and change into their best outfits to impress someone.

He is not trying to impress you at all.

Raise your bar OP.

Why are you even with him? The first time you got within breathing space of him you should have been off.

Ugh I had one of these. Initially tried to encourage personal hygiene. Definitely found that good hygiene hadn’t been drummed in as kids (his sister’s DP mentioned it too). I got him an electric toothbrush, got him registered with a dentist, encouraged washes. It would last for a while but never long term. His lack of self-care always came back. He couldn’t be arsed to make the effort for anyone else. Lazy around the house too. Just assumed ‘someone else’ would do it (invariably I was the ‘someone else’). Dirty clothes on the floor. Skid marks on the loo. That sort of thing.
I’d be wary of trying to talk to him and change him. These habits die hard. They don’t improve when you move together. You feel more like a maid. Someone asked me recently about my marital status. I said I’m ’happily divorced’ 😆 dating a lovely man who takes good care of himself and his home!

There have been a couple of occasions when I attempted to give him oral sex, but there was a “smell" down there

And this is by only just starting to give you the ick?! 🤢

Kindly, OP, where on earth is your self respect?!

“His penis and arse we’re so dirty that when I tried to give him a blow job I couldn’t, because it smelt so badly and made me gag. But he treats me well so I’m desperate to get past this.”

What the actual fuck.

OMG this sounds like an ex of mine (hopefully its not him!).
But examples with things like not getting regular haircuts, staying over my house but not bringing a change of clothes or a toothbrush, he hadn't been to the dentist in years and his teeth were really grim, wearing old clothes and basically not really having a hygiene routine etc......
I would always make an effort and in the end I got really sick of it. I don't want to say looks matter but making an effort for your date is so important to me. It fizzled out quickly TBH.
I did bring it up a few times and TBH it made no differences whats so ever.

A smelly cock? No thanks 😷

I wouldn’t be bringing it up tbh. I couldn’t be with a man who needed a ‘chat’ about hygiene.

But he showers daily?
So can't be unclean

He SAYS he showers daily
who knows if he does or doesn’t but I suspect he’s not in there with bar soap and a flannel washing in between his toes, his ears and his belly button if he stinks
more like standing under the water, sloshing a bit of shower gel under his arms and calling it showered

You've just unlocked a memory I thought I'd buried.

Seeing a guy for a few months, sat down on my bed naked and when he got up, he left a skid mark on my bed sheet 😭😭😭

We didn't last.

You do realise you can get dirty again after a shower, right?

Shower in the morning, spend the day doing manual labour. Bingo, you're dirty.

Just tell him! He genuinely may not even realise he smells. If you have/do and nothing changes, then ditch him. I had an ex who only showered once every couple of days and often 'forgot' to brush his teeth. I gently mentioned it to him several times, and also several times not so gently, but it never changed anything. He was a nice guy otherwise but I couldn't bear it anymore, so I had to end it.

Every time I see a thread like this I wonder if OP has found my ex husband.

I thought I hated giving oral sex when I was married... Turns out the problem was his manky dick. Imagine my (pleasant) surprise the first time I went down on someone with a nice clean one!

If he's anything like my ex this will get worse not better OP. I'd get rid.

This won't end in matrimony.
New Year New Man.

Yuk 🤮

FGS set your bar higher , why are you tolerating this .

If this is a new relationship and he’s acting like this, imagine a couple of years down the line…

You have a sex like with that vagabond?