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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriends hygiene is awful

95 replies

california1994 · 29/08/2025 16:25

My new boyfriend's hygiene leaves much to be desired. He claims he showers and brushes his teeth once a day (though I've seen evidence to the contrary), but I feel like he should do it more often. There have been a few times he’s showed up at my house with greasy hair and a bit of a sweaty smell. He doesn't seem to take much pride in his appearance (wearing old worn out clothes), but I can overlook that as long as they are clean. However, his personal hygiene is starting to give me the ick.

Last night, I drove over an hour to see him, showered, makeup and a nice outfit, while he literally got ready 5 minutes before I arrived (I know this because I was on the phone with him). He didn’t shower again since he had already done it that morning, but he had been at work all day. He was wearing the same clothes. It pissed me off as I’d put in so much effort.

He doesn’t realise it, but it’s beginning to impact our sex life too. There have been a couple of occasions when I attempted to give him oral sex, but there was a “smell" down there. His house isn’t the cleanest either, but we usually just stay at mine anyway.

How on earth do I bring this up with him? Other than that, he’s lovely and treats me well / better than any of the other men I’ve dated. I really don’t want this to be the reason why it doesn’t work out between us.

OP posts:
BlondieMuver · 29/08/2025 17:03

hobbledyhoy · 29/08/2025 16:53

Why are you trying so hard and putting so much effort in to make it work with someone who gives you the ick. Can you imagine how bad it’ll be after the initial period of best behaviour ends?

Just say goodbye and move on.

This!!

Why are you trying so hard to make this relationship work?

YourWildAmberSloth · 29/08/2025 17:04

It sounds like the fact that he treats you better than previous boyfriends, is important and is clouding your judgement. Perhaps you need to raise that bar - personal hygiene is a big deal, you sound like you are downplaying it to justify staying with him. You don't need a reason or excuse to stay or leave, but I would suggest 'he's better than the last one' isn't a great reason to continue.

twilightcafe · 29/08/2025 17:09

Dirty git.
Dump him. Doesn't it make your skin crawl to be anywhere near him?

DiscoBob · 29/08/2025 17:11

You need to tell him straight up he stinks. How if he doesn't shower, wear deo, change into fresh clothes and brush, floss and mouthwash x 2 each day you'll have to chuck him.

I don't hold out much hope for it long term but it might make him improve to an extent? In general though it's pretty minging and you really could do better.

babyboymam · 29/08/2025 17:12

I wouldn’t be able to see past this, and if you do have the conversation it’ll leave a bad smell in the air (pardon the pun)

I also believe the that personal hygiene is much easier to solve than house hygiene so even if he sorts out his smelly down below could you really see yourself living with someone who is unable to keep a decent level of house hygiene?

Pigeonsandgiraffees · 29/08/2025 17:19

Get rid before his cheese dick gives you a UTI!

Sera1989 · 29/08/2025 17:20

Just dump him. If he’s older than 15 then he unfortunately won’t change - this is how he chooses to be. And you are not his mum, you shouldn’t have to ask an adult man to put on fresh clothes for a date, clean his teeth before kissing, or wash his cock before sex. People are on their best behaviour at the start of a relationship so the hygiene might go downhill from here. I have a man in my family who always stinks and just doesn’t care, some people really don’t have a problem with being dirty. You sound like you put a lot of effort into your appearance and you deserve a man who can achieve the bare minimum of cleanliness as well as being nice

Comedycook · 29/08/2025 17:20

Don't bring it up with him. There's no point. He a grown adult and should be able to work out this stuff for himself.

Just call it a day and if he does ask why, tell him the truth

Nanny0gg · 29/08/2025 17:22

Wouldn't touch him with a bargepole

Dump

Myjobisridiculous · 29/08/2025 17:23

You have to be kidding me!! If!!! And, if!!! you spend longer together….
It’s not going to get better….. really @california1994

Ihavetoask · 29/08/2025 17:23

ButSheSaid · 29/08/2025 16:48

OP is not this mans parent and should not be telling a man things that are so far below the barest of minimum. If she needs to teach him how to function on the level of a toddler, how does that enhance her life?
She could be enjoying her life instead.

The reality is that a lot of people were raised bathing once per week and haven't ever been taught how to wash properly and maintain proper hygiene. I have found this to be true of as many women as men. Women are also the ones who teach their children to bathe and will be the first to say they dont do it every day so how is anyone meant to understand that they need to? They won't just start as teenagers when it isnt habit and/or their parents don't do it.

We have adverts on the telly showing people washing with their hand and no lather or anything. Just standing under the water. It was something my midwife next door neighbour used to talk about too; having to tell local women that they must shower every day when they are bleeding and have open vaginal and anal wounds. The women saying they don't have time/never did that/just do their pits in the sink

Momstermash94 · 29/08/2025 17:29

My ex was like this, and his hygiene kept causing me constant issues "down there". Even after I told him what was happening he didn't change, so it's not worth it OP. Even if you tell him he might improve for a few days and then fall back into old habits 🤢

Comedycook · 29/08/2025 17:31

Ihavetoask · 29/08/2025 17:23

The reality is that a lot of people were raised bathing once per week and haven't ever been taught how to wash properly and maintain proper hygiene. I have found this to be true of as many women as men. Women are also the ones who teach their children to bathe and will be the first to say they dont do it every day so how is anyone meant to understand that they need to? They won't just start as teenagers when it isnt habit and/or their parents don't do it.

We have adverts on the telly showing people washing with their hand and no lather or anything. Just standing under the water. It was something my midwife next door neighbour used to talk about too; having to tell local women that they must shower every day when they are bleeding and have open vaginal and anal wounds. The women saying they don't have time/never did that/just do their pits in the sink

Show quote history

Yes it's about habit. Most people are brought up brushing their teeth twice a day and would feel totally gross if they only brushed once a day. They therefore brush morning and night without even thinking about it. The ops boyfriend was probably not taught this growing up.

TheSandgroper · 29/08/2025 17:35

A few years ago, a Mumsnetter had an ex boyfriend who had never, ever washed under his foreskin.

@california1994 have you found him?

Ihavetoask · 29/08/2025 17:35

Comedycook · 29/08/2025 17:31

Yes it's about habit. Most people are brought up brushing their teeth twice a day and would feel totally gross if they only brushed once a day. They therefore brush morning and night without even thinking about it. The ops boyfriend was probably not taught this growing up.

Show quote history

But from the shower threads Ive checked here, a lot of people dont bathe daily and nor do they get their children to so theyre essentially raising dirty people like this man. Remember, this man actually did have a shower in the morning yet smelt badly by the afternoon. So how will all the members here who didn't bathe today smell? How do their kids smell? Like this man!

EnjoythemoneyJane · 29/08/2025 17:37

There have been a couple of occasions when I attempted to give him oral sex, but there was a “smell" down there.

But then what? You let him put his dirty cock actually inside you?! Christ. Being smelly when he goes to bed with you is straight up disgusting.

If you really think he doesn’t realise that his hygiene standards are well below average, you need to gently tell him it bothers you and is a dealbreaker. His response will tell you whether he really feels you’re worth making an effort for. And if he takes it badly, you’re no worse off than if you’d said nothing and just binned him.

It’ll likely only get worse if you don’t tell him - the longer it goes on, the more comfortable/lazy he’ll get, and god knows what he’ll be like when he’s not bothering at all.

BuckChuckets · 29/08/2025 17:38

Dump him, he's grim.

Fedupoftheshits · 29/08/2025 17:42

I’m not suprised you have the ick as I’ve got it from just reading your post, in fact it’s made me feel quite bilious.

How long have you been together?

ButSheSaid · 29/08/2025 17:49

Ihavetoask · 29/08/2025 17:23

The reality is that a lot of people were raised bathing once per week and haven't ever been taught how to wash properly and maintain proper hygiene. I have found this to be true of as many women as men. Women are also the ones who teach their children to bathe and will be the first to say they dont do it every day so how is anyone meant to understand that they need to? They won't just start as teenagers when it isnt habit and/or their parents don't do it.

We have adverts on the telly showing people washing with their hand and no lather or anything. Just standing under the water. It was something my midwife next door neighbour used to talk about too; having to tell local women that they must shower every day when they are bleeding and have open vaginal and anal wounds. The women saying they don't have time/never did that/just do their pits in the sink

Show quote history

Yeah, this doesn't matter. Women are not rehabilitation centres for rancid or crap men.
If someone is at the point of explaining to a man that he stinks, there's zero reason to keep dating him. Why waste her one precious life?

Wrenjay · 29/08/2025 17:56

When I was growing up we had no access to a bathroom and we shared an outside toilet! We took a bowl and bucket of clean water to our room and washed all over in private at least daily (am) and if going out in the evening. Clean underwear on daily as well. No excuse for dirty body or clothes. My dad was a manual worker, mum was a cook.

Ihavetoask · 29/08/2025 18:01

ButSheSaid · 29/08/2025 17:49

Yeah, this doesn't matter. Women are not rehabilitation centres for rancid or crap men.
If someone is at the point of explaining to a man that he stinks, there's zero reason to keep dating him. Why waste her one precious life?

Show quote history

I think you misunderstand the point.

  1. many women complaining aren't very hygienic themselves but are oblivious to it
  2. many of these same women are teaching their children (including the boys) to be the same.
Ihavetoask · 29/08/2025 18:02

Wrenjay · 29/08/2025 17:56

When I was growing up we had no access to a bathroom and we shared an outside toilet! We took a bowl and bucket of clean water to our room and washed all over in private at least daily (am) and if going out in the evening. Clean underwear on daily as well. No excuse for dirty body or clothes. My dad was a manual worker, mum was a cook.

From my understanding, working class people were always likely to bathe more often as they had jobs that made them visibility dirty. When bathrooms went inside, they carried on this routine. The upper classes continued their yearly baths or whatever as they felt they weren't as dirty as us.

Wherehavealltheflowersgone1 · 29/08/2025 18:03

Wrenjay · 29/08/2025 17:56

When I was growing up we had no access to a bathroom and we shared an outside toilet! We took a bowl and bucket of clean water to our room and washed all over in private at least daily (am) and if going out in the evening. Clean underwear on daily as well. No excuse for dirty body or clothes. My dad was a manual worker, mum was a cook.

Right, so your mum and dad taught you to wash, both yourself and your clothes, daily. The sad reality is that a lot of children are not taught to do this, so get to adulthood and just…don’t know. It is not always (or frankly very often) a sign of “disrespect”.

dontcomeatme · 29/08/2025 18:17

I certainly do not wash daily. Its an absolute waste of water, our skin is full of healthy microbes and oils that we need, it is very disruptive to your body's natural eco system to shower daily, especially using harsh chemicals. Also bad for the environment.

Yous don't sound compatible. But if he showers daily as you put it, then he should surely be clean?
He has to brush his teeth twice a day though that's grim x

www.uclahealth.org/news/article/skin-microbiome-disrupted-with-too-frequent-bathing

TomatoSandwiches · 29/08/2025 18:32

He's not nice though is he, he doesn't treat you well if he is so dirty and unclean he smells bad and expects you to suck his cheesy, greasy dick and let him put his rancid furry tounge in your mouth.

God, I've just made myself queasy.

How has it not given you the ick, get some self respect and end it with this creature.