Boyfriends hygiene is awful

[california1994]

My new boyfriend's hygiene leaves much to be desired. He claims he showers and brushes his teeth once a day (though I've seen evidence to the contrary), but I feel like he should do it more often. There have been a few times he’s showed up at my house with greasy hair and a bit of a sweaty smell. He doesn't seem to take much pride in his appearance (wearing old worn out clothes), but I can overlook that as long as they are clean. However, his personal hygiene is starting to give me the ick.

Last night, I drove over an hour to see him, showered, makeup and a nice outfit, while he literally got ready 5 minutes before I arrived (I know this because I was on the phone with him). He didn’t shower again since he had already done it that morning, but he had been at work all day. He was wearing the same clothes. It pissed me off as I’d put in so much effort.

He doesn’t realise it, but it’s beginning to impact our sex life too. There have been a couple of occasions when I attempted to give him oral sex, but there was a “smell" down there. His house isn’t the cleanest either, but we usually just stay at mine anyway.

How on earth do I bring this up with him? Other than that, he’s lovely and treats me well / better than any of the other men I’ve dated. I really don’t want this to be the reason why it doesn’t work out between us.

And then...there's my ex who did not clean his teeth unless called on it, did not shower reliably even when spoken to by me AND his sister and I found out thought he was special in that he didn't need soap to wash his hands.

He did wash his genitals, but not much else 😱

If he can't respect himself, how do you think he will respect you ? Move on. Give him the boot. Good luck

If he can't respect himself, how do you think he will respect you ? Move on. Give him the boot. Good luck

Yuk! He won’t change if this is a new relationship and he’s not showering, it will only get worse as time goes on.

My XH was like this . You're right about the lack of respect , he suddenly started showering , us I ng deodorant and body spray , lots of teeth cleaning and mouthwash . He was having an affair ! The fact he would do that for someone else was so hurtful at the time .

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I had a boyfriend like this, he cleaned up for a week or two when I told him he stank, then it was straight back to how he was before. His laziness extended into other areas of his life too. It also got worse as the relationship went on, what you are experiencing now could possibly be him making an effort.

Dump and move on! Once you have dumped him work on your self esteem. Mine was rock bottom when I dated a stinky man. You deserve a decent partner who respects you.

He is a New boyfriend, so if this is him trying to impress or make an effort, then it's a ltb from me. I'd likely tell him too, in a "Jim, your poor hygiene is a complete turn off" way.
It always amazes me, that, as a woman, I know how to clean a dick more than a lot of people who actually possess one.

If this is what he like now, can you imagine how he will reek in a few years time when hes stopped trying so hard 😂 C'mon really, not a keeper.

This! I can't believe you've gone further than a couple of dates with him, OP.

Im sorry OP but thats my number one pet hate, a dirty unkempt man. I could never sleep with someone who reeked and had bad breath. Its just disgusting and disrespectful.

Get rid. Sounds like he has no self respect. I’m not one bothered by designer labels etc, but I couldn’t find someone attractive who lacked basic hygiene and clothing skills.

It gives me the ick thinking about greasy hair.

Why on earth are you still seeing him? He's a new boyfriend. This is the time to work out what you do and don't like about him. You don't like his lack of person hygiene and that's a pretty major thing. He is giving you the ick. Why compromise yourself so badly at this early stage? You owe him nothing. This is when he should be making the most effort to make himself attractive for you, not the least. If it's like this now what will it be like in ten years time? Urrgh.

If you really want to give him a chance then tell him. Don't sit him down for a serious and delicate chat, that will be awkward and embarrassing. Just be bright and breezy and don't beat around the bush. Say 'eww babe, you stink! Go and get a shower. I'm not coming near you like that.' Or 'go and clean your teeth if you expect a kiss from me, they look like they are practically growing fur! Come on now, you're not a ten year old boy!' and try to make a joke of it. But be assertive.

If he sulks, or pretends he doesn't get it, or just ignores you because he doesn't care, or says he can't wash or clean his teeth because of weird sensory issues then just dump his arse. It won't get any better.

Just no. I can't bear poor hygiene. It's a must have and I would not go out with him. However, if you think the relationship is worth saving then you need to tell him to freshen up or ship out.

Here's how you fix it. 'This relationship isn't working for me. I wish you all the best'. If he asks and you want to tell him, then it's 'we are not compatible in terms of personal hygiene, which is really important to me'

I had to laugh. What a crock. Your response is that women smell and if men smell it's a woman's fault. Righto.

I’m going to go against the grain. He showers once a day? If he definitely does shower once a day (and isn’t just saying this to appease you) then this is enough. People don’t need to shower multiple times a day, unless they have a particularly sweaty job or work on a farm!

Run like the wind, that’s disgusting. My DH showers twice a day, I couldn’t bear to be with anyone who stinks. Not good!

Years ago I had 2-3 dates with a man like this. I ended it then and told him why (over the phone). It was very difficult to raise it and he didn’t like hearing it. Whether he changed or not going forward, I have no idea.

Zombie thread. Op posted in August 2025.