Bisexual husband has a breakdown

[Usa2025usa]

My husband has recently had a mental breakdown after taking ketamine for 8 months (I had no idea) as a means of escape. We have been married for 18 years and have young children together. Our marriage hadnt been great the last couple of years since a death in the family .since his breakdown my husband is now telling his friends he has to be true to himself and is bisexual. He has always messed around with bi porn but has never felt the need to tell other people. He’s now ‘clean’ from the drugs and is saying he had the break down because he can’t handle our life and he either has to change our relationship or end it. He says it doesn’t matter that he’s bi because he’s with me and he has no intention of being with men . Do you think the drugs have changed his sexual preference, or is he just now admitting it to
himself? And why do other people need to know 🙈

Thankyou, I feel like I’ve wasted my life and he’s used me to live his lie

You haven't wasted your life. You have lovely children, and time to make a new start.

Thankyou

Don't try to work out why he was angry.

It's his problem not yours.

You need to concentrate on you and your children.

Yes, I have some experience of a similar situation myself albeit without DC. You pick yourself up OP, put one foot in front of the other, a day at a time, and live a better life. You sound like a kind and gracious person; he doesn’t deserve you or your lovely children. It will get better, keep doing what you’re doing xx

Thank you so much for your kind message

Hi guys, just an update to my post. My husband is still on bail for assault and Ive still had no contact with him for a couple of months. He’s now going around my friends telling them ‘he’s so glad to be out of our relationship because im So controlling ‘ so now , after humiliating me, he’s trying to paint me as a psycho 🙈 please advise what I should do xx

Divorce him?

Tell them the truth… it was because he was watching bisexual porn & is into bloody men!
Divorce him.

What should you do? Tell them the truth. You owe him nothing.

You owe him nothing. Say it has been difficult to be in a relationship with somone who is not truthful, about his drug use and his sexuality. That you are feeling understandably betrayed and heart broken about everything. Your emotions are nothing to do with control.

This!! Tell them the truth, fuck him! The audacity!! Tell them all that he’s currently on bail for assault and not allowed near you and the children- air ALL his dirty laundry as he’s clearly going to try and air yours!

What a prick, be glad you’re rid of him!

He is gay , always been Op . The death of the relative made him think about living life without a lie .

He’s gay. He can tell people what ever he wants. Just never look back x

this OP

Lovely lady, all the energy you put into trying to understand him please save that for your own little family.

You will never understand it because you are a kind person who puts your children first. He is not and I think your right, he has used you as a beard.

Keep looking forward and don't waste any more time trying to unknot spaghetti.

Things will get better.

He is preparing to come out.
The separation offered him the access he was looking for to explore his sexuality.

Would you be happy with a drug using, straight man, who assaulted you?

I suspect not. The sexuality issue is just clouding the issue, it doesn't change the fact that he's no good for you anyway.

You didn't waste your life. You have wonderful children and your life will only improve when you are free of him.

Sorry he's an ass, but you don't need him. You're better than that.

Thankyou so much xx

I just wanted to send a hug , my husbands ex did the exact same thing . Worse she was a homophobe most of their life to hide it . They also had 2 children . It was rather traumatic to him . This was almost 10 years ago . He has since obviously found love again and we are really happy . It did mess up my step kids a fair bit if I’m honest . Just worry with yourself and your kids .

Nothing, really. If you're friends are actually you're friends, they'll ask for your version rather than believe him. If they don't, screw 'em!

Please stay away from him and hold your head up high. Your friends are highly unlikely to believe a ketamine-using abuser. If they do they aren't friends and can go out with the trash too.

You need to forget about whether he's gay/bisexual. This isn't important. He's just saying all this stuff to mess with your head and make you feel guilty. What matters is that he has been taking a filthy illegal drug for months instead of parenting and he's hurt you physically. You don't need this man anywhere near you or the kids. Yes he abused you and took you for a mug and it's awful I'm so sorry. Take time to heal, work on yourself and do the Freedom Programme.

@Usa2025usa this sounds like the typical stage of rewriting history that often happens when one person is leaving a relationship. Hopefully your friends know you well enough to be sceptical at least.

I think you should be starting divorce proceedings, rather than prolong this. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

If he is in a loyal monogamous relationship with you, his wife, he's not bi-sexual, he's heterosexual - if however he's cheating with men, he's bisexual.

Has he been doing that?

I would say he is gay, has announced he is bi to friends to gauge their reactions. Reactions have been ok, so now he’s starting to say things about you to garner sympathy.

Kick this guy to the kerb. You deserve better.

He is nothing more than a thug who is using his alleged confusion over his sexuality as a get out of jail free card to be an abusive, gaslighting, violent piece of shit.