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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH gave his ex our baby’s old clothes without asking - am I overreacting?

113 replies

Garnetta0 · 26/08/2025 13:17

Posting for traffic.

So DS is 2 now and ive been slowly sorting through the baby bits, bags of sleepsuits and vests etc. Id planned to keep a few special things in a memory box and then pass the rest to my SIL who’s expecting her first.

Yesterday DH casually mentions he “dropped a bag off” at his ex’s because “she needed stuff for her niece’s baby.” Turns out it was one of the bags from our loft, full of DS’s clothes. He didn’t ask, didn’t check with me, just decided they’d be better off there.

I know it’s only clothes and we aren’t using them, but a) they were ours to decide about, and b) his ex isn’t exactly short of money (she posts designer hauls on Insta every other week). And it really stung that he didn’t think to ask if I minded.

The weird bit is… he left behind the bag with all the stained bibs and grotty socks, but gave away the nice babygros and the Boden dungarees my mum bought. Like… why those ones?? He even put the little cardigan my nan knitted in there, which I’d said I wanted to keep.

What makes it stranger is that we’ve argued before about him being too “helpful” to his ex. Nothing dodgy, but he still does favours for her like fixing her boiler or dropping shopping round. I’ve let it go because I don’t want to seem insecure, but this feels like a boundary thing.

I said to him that it feels disrespectful, especially when I’d told him before that SIL would love them. He reckons I’m making a fuss over nothing and it’s just hand-me-downs.

So now I don’t know if I’m being petty. It’s not like I can demand them back, but I’m really annoyed and it’s left me wondering if I should be firmer about him running round after her.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 26/08/2025 14:00

YANBU - message her directly and say "really sorry, DH is a moron and gave you the wrong bag, that was to keep" and arrange a time for him to pick it up. What a plonker. And my spider senses would be tingling about the overhelpfulness too...

BarnacleBeasley · 26/08/2025 14:02

I'd be a bit annoyed that he didn't ask first, but I would only give nice things as hand-me-downs, not grotty socks and stained bibs. I'd ask him to get the cardigan back, and remind him about the memory box, but I couldn't get worked up about the rest.

outerspacepotato · 26/08/2025 14:05

Message her yourself. Tell her your husband fucked up, there were some hugely sentimental items and you want them back.

You can't trust your husband to get them back because he wants to be her knight in shining armour coming to her rescue with your baby clothes you had earmarked for someone else. He knew that and gave them away anyway.

You need to have a talk with him about who he's married to. He's going to have to pick his priority, playing big man to his ex or staying with you.

Needmorelego · 26/08/2025 14:12

I agree with the contacting her yourself if possible.
Women are more likely to understand the sentimental value of a granny knitted cardigan.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/08/2025 14:16

What a twat. I’d be livid. He needs to get it back asap. YANBU at all. It’s not even for a baby she has but someone else! He needs to get more worried about pissing you off than her. His priorities are a mess.

Ivenoname · 26/08/2025 14:19

I think you are being very magnanimous when you say you don't think he did it maliciously.

You say you've argued before about him prioritising hisexi's needs and this honestly sounds like as he has done this to show you he has no intention of cooling off in his attentions to his ex.

I would be absolutely furious and also I would find the fact he is so enthralled by her and needs to get her approval and gratitude very concerning.

KhakiOrca · 26/08/2025 14:32

Get them back OP. I have sentimental baby stuff too and I would hate this.
WTF is he giving them to her for a baby that isn't hers? Hopefully they won't end up on one of her insta hauls!
Do they have kids together? Were they married? Together long?

It's all very odd 😕

pontipinemum · 26/08/2025 14:35

Not petty at all!! My DS just turned one and is my last baby so I have been clearing things.

I have a few bits set aside to keep, I said to DH not to throw them/ move them he said he will not be touching them at all.

I would be really hurt if he gave them away and to an ex of all people!!!

I would give him a very short opportunity to get them back. As in, call her today where you can hear the conversation. If he doesn't send her a text tonight yourself. You don't want her to put it in the charity shop

Beyondburnout · 26/08/2025 14:43

Why is he so friendly with his ex and rushing in to help her.

Busybeemumm · 26/08/2025 14:45

I would not trust him to get the clothes back so think you should take matters into your own hands now and contact her directly and explain his mistake. He can pick the bag up from her asap.

I would be wondering why he is that invested. Do they have any children together? Why he is still so attached to his ex and being that helpful to her and why did she ask him for your DS clothes. How weird! Unfortunately you might have bigger issues then the clothes.

travailtotravel · 26/08/2025 14:49

Its not hand me downstairs though, is it. Its the cardigan your nan knitted. I'd be asking for those back, but give up the rest.

teenmaw · 26/08/2025 14:54

Hmm has he given them to the ex though? Were they married and was this niece born when they were because I’d be classing her as his niece and presumably younger and maybe in more need than your sil? That’s all assumptions but if that’s the case it sounds like you’re diverting the kindness he showed the niece to the ex and if that’s also the case then YABU. I suppose if they were just dating and the niece is a passing acquaintance then yanbu

SamphiretheTervosaur · 26/08/2025 14:54

"I don’t think he did it maliciously, he’s not a bad man"

Where you and your child are concerned he is a thoughtless man!

Do make him go and retrieve the things you really want back and don't try to make this better for him! He made a mistake... let him learn!

Momstermash94 · 26/08/2025 14:58

Make him sort it out, but OMG I'd be so upset if someone gave away my DDs clothes without asking me. Its definitely worse that it was to his ex too. Does he have children with her? Why are they still so close contact if not?

littleburn · 26/08/2025 15:11

I’m not an overly sentimental person, but I would be really, really upset about this! How dare he give away items with precious memories attached to them like it’s no big deal. I agree with previous posters - text his ex that he’s sent the wrong bag and get over there pronto.

jessty · 26/08/2025 15:13

Does he also have kids with his Ex? Presumably thy is why they keep in such contact?

WinterSunglasses · 26/08/2025 15:20

pontipinemum · 26/08/2025 14:35

Not petty at all!! My DS just turned one and is my last baby so I have been clearing things.

I have a few bits set aside to keep, I said to DH not to throw them/ move them he said he will not be touching them at all.

I would be really hurt if he gave them away and to an ex of all people!!!

I would give him a very short opportunity to get them back. As in, call her today where you can hear the conversation. If he doesn't send her a text tonight yourself. You don't want her to put it in the charity shop

Yes give him a short window. Ask him to get them back ASAP and say it's upset you. If nothing happens within 24 hours then you contact her, say there has been a mistake and ask when you can come and get them. Word it as if there's no question of him coming or them not being returned.

I would also make it clear that he jumps in too quickly to come to her assistance. If that's what either of them wanted they shouldn't have broken up. Too bad.

Allswellthatendswelll · 26/08/2025 15:20

I'd be fuming! Baby clothes are sentimental and it's nice to save them or give to people of your choice.

If she's a reasonable person I'd contact her directly and say he gave the wrong bag.

Blanknotebook · 26/08/2025 15:21

I would be livid. I would phone her and tell her that you wanted them back and it was not negotiable. I would then tell her what time I would be arriving to collect and to have them ready. He had absolutely no right to give them away. Her niece is ‘nobody’ to you and those items hold sentimental value. Your husband is a twat.

LimeShaker · 26/08/2025 15:57

Why would he give anyone the stained bibs and grotty socks?! YABU to think that he wouldn’t give proper stuff but do ask for cardi back

Queenofheart · 26/08/2025 16:51

Brummumm · 26/08/2025 13:25

YA NOT BU!
I'd ask him to get them back - OR - contact her yourself and say he took the wrong bag & pass on the grotty babygros.
You HAVE to get the knitted cardigan back - I'm invested!
He's thoughtless at best, and uncaring at least.
Idiot.

This 100% cheeky fecker is thinking more about her feelings than yours!

ns87 · 26/08/2025 16:53

Why on earth did he do that, why is he so desperate to help his ex's niece!?

buswankerbabe · 26/08/2025 17:05

I’d be glad, but im not sentimental at all. All our baby clothes are horded in the loft too, and it pisses me off. DH can’t let go of them.

Vaxtable · 26/08/2025 17:07

Yanbu

i would tell him to go and collect them, and if he won’t I would contact her myself and say you want everything back as it had not been sorted and you have family to give it to once sorted

then I would be having a very direct conversation with him that nothing, I repeat nothing goes to his ex

CreepyCoupe · 26/08/2025 17:07

Ask for the things you want as keepsakes back. Just forget about the rest and be glad someone’s getting use out of them.

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