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I left the love of my life and regret it: appropriate steps?

87 replies

AChangeofState · 26/08/2025 02:35

Please read if you have time, the context is nuanced:

2 years ago, I met someone (we'll call him Dan) truly one-of-a-kind... as in, I mean this person made me 180 on my stance on soulmates (from thinking they're a fairytale to knowing I had met my person).

He is my person.
We knew we loved each other very quickly, within a dew days...but decided to give it time, especially as we lived in different countries at the time. Ive never felt such peace and safety with a man, while at the same time having such excitement and chemistry. I've never felt so seen or been so curious.
Neither of us shared the depth of our feelings at the time... but we stayed in touch as friends regularly when we returned to our countries.

During this time, I went through heavy heartache with him being so far away, and realized I was falling for him, hard!
But, I tried to be realistic, what with him living abroad and us only knowing each other for a week in physical time.
But after months, I realized I had my dating life on hold for him. My heart was closed.
So I convinced myself Dan didn't feel the same. I spent months programming my mind to believe he didn't love me. And it worked. I moved on.

Then I met a man (William) in my hometown and for the first time in half a year, I felt openness in my heart.
He was a beautiful, gentle man and we began to spend more and more time.
It was a week after William and I met that Dan announced he planned to visit my country the following month.
I still believed we were over each other, so agreed to see him.
William and I first kissed a week before Dan arrived.
( I am someone who doesn't kiss anyone else if I'm sharing that with a person. )

So Dan arrives. And tells me his feelings for me haven't changed, only grown and that he knows he loves me.
I tell him about the man I'm dating.
I watched his heart break in real time. Quietly, it was like a light going out.
And my own heart shattered at the same moment.
I realized I'd fucked up.

Then and here is my stupidity: I began to think logically.

Dan has a chaotic past, childhood neglect, escapism, and past drug addiction (from which he was almost 10 years clean). He was a traveler and quite floaty in his life direction.

William was steady, settled, had a few tragic life events in his past, but had a good relationship with his family, made peace (from what I can tell) with his past, had a successful career, close community he is involved with and clear life goals that aligned with mine.

However:
Dan and I could talk for hours. It felt like our very beings melded... like the universe rejoiced when we were together. We met each other under the most bizarre circumstances and synchronicity I've ever experienced (Which I can elaborate on if wanted)
And I can hands down say I've never met anyone like this!
I fell in love with his soul.

Willia was sensible. But I found myself easily bored, conversations stagnated, I felt often like I was putting on a mask or trying to be what he wanted/expected of me. We never clicked. I respect who he is and love how he walks in the world. But I've never been able to be in love with him.

So I chose sense. I pushed the man I loved away and chose safety and security.
I broke my lovers heart...and my own.
We stayed in contact for a few months... after which I realized we were both still holding on to feelings for each other. Which didn't feel integral to my relationship. So I asked Dan for closure (even when I knew I truly wanted to be back with him... and he was open to this happening, should I become single)
He agreed to closure however, but we never managed to have the conversation. I would call him to try for closure and be unable to speak... literally.
Eventually he got so hurt by the waiting that he blocked me.

Now I feel I have been living in a relationship where I'm out of integrity with myself and my partner, so have hurt him and us by not being present.
And I have lost the love of my life by betraying my inner knowing.

TDLR:
I chose someone else over the love of my life out of fear of his past.... Now the man I love has blocked me and I don't know what to do. I believe he was my person and I want to fix this and be able to love him openly again. Is it too late?

OP posts:
Ratisshortforratthew · 26/08/2025 02:39

This is lust and infatuation, not love. But if you’re not feeling it with the man you’re dating, you shouldn’t be stringing him along. Dump him for both your sakes

AChangeofState · 26/08/2025 02:45

P.S:

I did end things with "William" who I dated during this heartbreak. But not before it all got messy and the blocking happened.

I realized that it was incredibly unfair on everyone's emotions to remain in that relationship.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 26/08/2025 05:42

Blimey was this written by AI?!

Surveille222 · 26/08/2025 05:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

parietal · 26/08/2025 06:23

Neither of these men is the right person for you. Move on with your life and you will find something that lasts.

Lostworlds · 26/08/2025 06:31

I think all you can do here is focus on you. Spend time being single and do what you want in life.

Things with Dan were full on from the get go and mah actually be limerence and lust. Things with William were real but you didnt let yourself be happy.

If Dan is meant to be then I always believe it will be but right now focus on being single and finding out about yourself. Youve shut yourself off to possibilities because of one man, try open yourself up again and see what happens.

BankHolidayer · 26/08/2025 06:39

You’re in love with the idea of romance - it’s clear in the phrases you use.

SoManyDandelions · 26/08/2025 06:40

Call Dan from an unblocked number to see if he still has feelings. If not, then you can seek counselling to help you move on properly. If he does then you can make a go of things.

Sandyshandy · 26/08/2025 07:02

Is this AI? Either way Dan sounds like a loser - you didn’t/ don’t really know him. It’s limerance or fantasy and he’d probably have broken your heart anyway.
how old are you?

carmak · 26/08/2025 07:06

No human being wrote that.

HelpMeGetThrough · 26/08/2025 07:15

Endofyear · 26/08/2025 05:42

Blimey was this written by AI?!

Yep, the Barbara Cartland engine.

ComfortFoodCafe · 26/08/2025 07:16

No human wrote that. What a werid post. Your not in love with him, your in love with the idea of romance which just isn’t realistic or real.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 26/08/2025 07:17

Endofyear · 26/08/2025 05:42

Blimey was this written by AI?!

Exactly what I was thinking - there was a fb post or article I read recently saying how a lot of the men women reject in films are actually a lot ‘nicer’ and better prospects than the emotional messes they feel are the loves of their lives. I thought this thread was inspired by that, or OP searching for how her novel should end…

BabyCatFace · 26/08/2025 07:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Good sex can make you feel this way sometimes but it does last that long 😆

Lafufufu · 26/08/2025 07:26

This reads like a human didn't write it... but the human behind it did use a decent/detailed AI prompt to create such a affected narrative voice.

9 out of 10.
The typos like "Willia" to convery authenticity are let down by the insanely consistent comma usage.

OnePinkDeer · 26/08/2025 07:28

Really sorry.But this sounds as if it has been written by a 16 year old.

Dan was a pen pal, you don't know him. If you don't love your current man, then end it.

Suednymph · 26/08/2025 09:11

I am dying to know the bizarre way you met Dan to be honest.

2weekpathwayandscared · 26/08/2025 09:14

The universe rejoiced? What about me? On the cancer pathway and with a mr supportive and sensible who is stepping up like a good ‘un? What did we do wrong that the universe doesn’t rejoice for us and we have shit to deal with?

what a load of piffle.

Noshadelamp · 26/08/2025 09:15

Suednymph · 26/08/2025 09:11

I am dying to know the bizarre way you met Dan to be honest.

Same! Even though I'm not 100% sure this isn't ai.
I actually want it to be real, why can't people wax lyrical about their feelings and people in their lives.

Onthebusses · 26/08/2025 09:16

Endofyear · 26/08/2025 05:42

Blimey was this written by AI?!

More like Karan Johar. How very poetic.

It's not real though. It's the delusion of romantic love. This is attraction and infatuation and the reason you're attracted to the chaotic one is due to unhealed trauma.

I'm similar. I'm bored with nice normal men. I'd rather just hang out with a nice normal woman.

I'm attracted to the narcs and psychos of this world. So, as a result, I remain single and happy.

Redburnett · 26/08/2025 09:22

Is this an attempt at writing romantic fiction of the Mills and Boon sort - because that is what it reads like.

DahliaJug · 26/08/2025 09:24

I’ll tell you exactly what I would do. I would dial down the teen melodrama. You met a floaty, chaotic man with a history of addiction and trauma on your holidays, decided you had fallen in love with him after a couple of days, went home, obsessed about him, went out with someone else, fancied Floaty Man more than Sensible Dullard when he visited, and then spiralled into a Sally Rooney-esque pattern of miscommunication and emotional unintelligence.

Just write them both off, stay single for a while and grow up a bit.

Sellenis · 26/08/2025 09:28

I'm sorry OP but this is a load of old bollocks. Catch yourself on.

Go and do something useful and get over yourself. Is there a food bank you can help out at locally? Or an Age UK? They always need people for the befriending service.

TaborlinTheGreat · 26/08/2025 09:29

Appropriate steps? Give your head a wobble and stop viewing men and relationships through this romantic fiction lens. It will mess up your life. You were right to swerve the damaged, floaty one and to break up with the one you were stringing along.

HelpMeGetThrough · 26/08/2025 09:31

It felt like our very beings melded... like the universe rejoiced when we were together.

Sounds like a review for Lovehoney.