Is it crazy to remarry the same person!

[JofoXX]

So, married my partner after only 12 months of meeting. The year 2020, booked and done within 22 days, very much a whirlwind!

We had 2 children afterwards and due to alot of traumatic events I experienced and the harsh reality of the new family dynamic, chaos etc we broke up and I hotheadly divorced him!

We split briefly but have since reconciled and are better than ever. We wpuld have renewed our vows this year, but now we are thinking of remarrying after Christmas.

Is this just bonkers?!

Yes, you seem to make rash not very thought through decisions. Who is to say this isn’t another? You regretted getting married and then you regretted separating. And you may yet regret getting re-married. It will be incredibly traumatising and destabilising for your children if you were to split again. What chaos this has all brought into their lives. Why not have a relationship, if you insist, but keep it easy to untangle for the next 5 years or so and then revisit? You can always get married then or you can count your blessings you didn’t make the same mistake twice.

My Aunt did. And they're still married. He was a pig before and he's still a pig now.

I wouldnt' rush into it just yet.

You keep saying life is short and why wait, but life isn’t short when you’re saddled with someone you hate. And you should wait to ensure that this relationship has legs and isn’t going to end again.

You sound very impetuous, you need to calm down a bit and see how it goes…

My parents did this. They split again several times and it was pretty miserable to be honest.

Elizabeth Taylor re-married Richard Burton. Im surprised that Andrew hasnt re-married Fergie as they are still pretty much a couple and she has stuck by him for good or ill.

I knew someone who married their ex after about 10 years apart. Initially, it was all hearts and flowers. It didn’t end well. Again.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

I know a couple who did and who seem to be very happy.
Their first marriage was a lot longer than yours, and they probably had more time after getting back together before they married again. Only you know if you have given it enough time!

Isn't that a part of marriage. For better for worse.....

@JofoXX - I don’t think you are losing anything by taking things slowly. You will still be in a relationship with this man, parenting together, enjoying family things and couple things - the absence of a marriage certificate won’t change that, or diminish it.

But taking some time might give you the opportunity to make sure that this man and you are right for each other, or whether you might be better as friends who co-parent amicably.

@JofoXX My sense is you’re not asking for opinions on this thread.

You are looking for validation of a decision you’ve already made.

You have decided to re-marry. Great. Best wishes to you and your STBNEX (soon to be non ex).

Note: Threads asking for congratulations = fine. Threads asking for opinions that you have no interest in unless they validate you = time wasting and irritating (especially when scolding posters for the views you have asked for).

I don't mind opinions but what I don't like is people saying "poor children" or that I've been gaslit or that we've split every 5 minutes etc. Things that aren't factual. I appreciate the opinions but yes I am going to do it, I never asked for someone to change my mind I merely asked "is it bonkers" of course. If it's irritating then my advice woukd be to not waste your own time commenting 😀

@JofoXX”Isn't that a part of marriage. For better for worse.....”

ermmm yes, that is part of marriage. You seem to have previously interpreted it as ‘for better, but if it gets bad throw your toys out of the pram and hastily divorce, then change your mind later.’

What makes you think the marriage will last longer or be more successful this time, it’s the same people, doing the same thing. Unless one of you has dramatically changed you’ll more likely than not end up repeating the same situation.

That actually makes alot of sense. It is the same people doing the same thing. We have both changed alot, but yes I fo see your point. Maybe I do need to step back and look at the bigger picture. Maybe I am trying to make a previous failure a success

Sounds like you’re unable to learn from your past

You aren’t coming across very well.

Quite arrogant to the point of rudeness.

It took a number of posts from people to determine you were not asking for advice whose time you have wasted.

I didn’t post for your benefit or to waste my time on you.

I posted to highlight your motivation so others new to reading the thread could avoid wasting their time on you as others have done.

I think remarrying the same person after many years probably happens from time to time.

But I’d just feel a bit of a twat marrying someone, having kids, divorcing them, then marrying them again all within the grand total of 5 years. Seems quite immature and silly.

I don’t get your logic of marrying before 40 - I’d understand it if it was your first time, but it’s not. That deadline is long gone. You did get married before 40. You also got divorced before 40.

If that's something you're both wanting to do then I don't think there's anything wrong with marrying the same person twice.

But with that said I wouldn't be rushing into anything. Maybe some couples counselling would be a good idea before getting married again, just to make sure that past problems have been worked through and you're both in the right place to make a proper go of it.

If you are so determined, you probably just need to think through the practicalities.

Marriage is a financial contract to protect the more vulnerable (financially worse off) partner. Is that you or him?

Marriage also grants other legal rights and burdens - e.g. joint ownership of matrimonial property, taking on his current or future debts, him making decisions on your behalf if you are incapacitated, do you have a will (be aware that marriage negates aspects of wills made prior to marriage) etc

I'm not trying to come off well. I came on here for people who may have had similar experiences. Also it isn't your job or place to decide that other people's times are being wasted reading, nor that they don't want to read all comments. That's usually what people do to get fully informed rather than seeing someone random comment something insignificant to their own knowledge...aka you.

i Married divorced and got back together after a number of years. We were gonna get re married this year but have decided to leave it to be sure the “honeymoon” period isnt clouding us

I think it would be a good idea to wait another few years before getting married again. Look upon waiting as a decision you’re making as a fully mature, strong woman who has overcome some difficult times and thrived. Prove it to yourself and your DP that you are capable of being less impulsive and really thinking things through.

I think living in a “life’s too short” attitude has positives, in that you become more fearless, open minded and potentially tick off a greater number of life goals/bucket list stuff young
disadvantages are potentially you take more risks, and potentially live selfishly/put own goals before caring for others.

i think for me, truly living a life’s too short attitude is appreciating the small positives every day, really being in the moment with my loved ones and not taking stuff for granted. For me, when I chose to have children I chose to put some stuff on hold in order to love them fully. I can love deeply and live fully whilst also planning for goals that I want to achieve but in a way that impacts everyone in my family positively. Eg I chose to have children, so for the next ten years I give then stability and good experiences and prioritise that over my goal of going a gap year in Japan (which they’d hate).

so I guess in answer to your question I’d say if you didn’t have children sure go for it, but now that you do I would wait a bit longer in case the worst case scenario happened. Whilst doing that you can still live life fully, just in a different way. Eg why not spend the money you’d spend on another wedding on one amazing date night a month together and one amazing trip with your kids together?
edited to say impulsivity isn’t necessarily a bad trait, but could be channeled it in other directions that are lower risk eg spontaneous adventures

Thank you for your helpful input.

I absolutely agree that any life goals etc that would only be for my benefit have and will continue to be put on hold until I've raised my chikdren, as I did with my 18 year old but I see marrying their father as a benefit to those also. Yes, I've looked at the possibility of the marriage failing again but if it doesn't, which I will work my hardest to make sure doesn't happen, then they grow up with married parents, knowing we loved each other enough to do that.....twice.

I get it looks quite selfish and possibly a silly thing to do but it feels right for us