Is it crazy to remarry the same person!

[JofoXX]

So, married my partner after only 12 months of meeting. The year 2020, booked and done within 22 days, very much a whirlwind!

We had 2 children afterwards and due to alot of traumatic events I experienced and the harsh reality of the new family dynamic, chaos etc we broke up and I hotheadly divorced him!

We split briefly but have since reconciled and are better than ever. We wpuld have renewed our vows this year, but now we are thinking of remarrying after Christmas.

Is this just bonkers?!

I have friends who have done this. Their second divorce was worse and it has been horrific on their children.

I can see you’re very set on this course which in many ways I can understand but the age limit thing is a bizarre way to decide your life. If you hot-headedly divorced, if external issues affected your relationship to that extent, how do you know it’s not that now?

Didn’t get married. But partner and I broke up as I had suffered a traumatic lose and death. I also felt he wasn’t supportive but I closed off. Together 4.5 years. Loved together 18 months.

we broke up but were living together. After a break we got back together. Now 18 months later. We don’t live together now. No rush. Plan to in 2 years. But we want take sure it’s right for us.

Don't need to marry to change your name. Is it a good financial decision for you? Marriage is basically a financial contract. You trust him with your life? As he will have next of kin rights in your care in old age.

My grandparents got together by 20, raised a family to adulthood together then divorced. They remarried I think about 6 years later and are still together in their 80s and 90s so it can work.

You divorced him for a reason, and I’d be surprised if it really was “hot-headedly”, given the length of time divorce takes.

if you genuinely feel you and your DP are perfect together, there’ll be no harm in waiting at least 5 years before re-marrying. Your 40th birthday is not a reason to rush into it.

I hope all goes well.

You sound as if you have remarkably poor judgement, and are afraid to sit with decisions to check they're the right ones. Not wanting to marry after the age of 40 is a ridiculous reason to hastily remarry someone you previously divorced 'hotheadedly' after marrying him in a 'whirlwind' when you hardly knew him in the first place.

Maybe set aside the vision you clearly have of yourself as spunky and fiery and impulsive, and think 'Is this is monumentally stupid decision?'

Quite apart from anything else, you have two young children. For their sake the 'marriage hokey-cokey' is a bad idea. Leave it five years, as a pp said.

my parents were married around 25 years, divorced then remarried. After 5 years they were in process of second divorce when my father died suddenly.

The problem I observed was that they reverted to old patterns within a couple year and things went downhill badly. Their relationship was even worse at the end than during the first divorce. It was so hard for all of us, even as adults my siblings and I were torn apart watching it implode again.

If you're really wanting to do this I suggest you see a marriage counselor and discuss what you'll both do if either of you reverts to old ways that led to the first break up so you have a road map for a strong future.

Good luck I hope if you do remarry its a happy forever marriage. 💖

The "40" scenario has been a thing with alot of people, but why 5 years? That comment has came up alot, why not 4 or , why 5?

I wouldn't sweat the details, just wait for several years. Wait for longer than your older child has been alive now. Wait for the length of a degree course.

Again, life is too short. I do appreciate all comments even though it may not seem it. I have an 18 year old child from a previous relationship, this has not effected her own opinions on marriage, I also have a Bachelors degree. I do t understand that concept

Life is too short for what, though? No one is telling you not to be in a relationship with this man, just to stop and think about whether remarrying him is a good idea, given your long record of unwise, rushed decisions. It is absolutely not necessary to run full speed at everything, in case pausing and thinking about whether it's really the best decision makes you think twice. Snatching at things in case someone takes them away doesn't make them more valuable.

Life is too short to not do what makes you happy. Life is too short full stop. We may not get all the tomorrow's we think we have. Sorry, what long list? The 1 thing I believe your referring to, marrying snd divorcing like alot of other people do? I'm not snatching at anything, marriage doesn't make somebody stay. If he was never to be mine then that would be the outcome regardless...

Don't need to change your name upon marriage. In fact, I'd encourage you not to!

Oddly, I know of a number of couples who have done this. I even know of one couple who divorced, married others and had second families before divorcing again and getting back together. Several decades later, they are still very happy.

I do think a lot of couples these days rush to divorce for the slightest imperfection rather than sitting with their feelings and working through issues. Divorce is almost too easy and option. The number of threads I have seen on MN where posters say 'I have been unhappy for weeks' and get told to divorce. It is very sad how disposable marriage has become.

Have lessons been learned from your previous experiences? Have you looked at what makes you so impulsive and, as you say, 'hot headed'.
Is this a honeymoon period? Is there something that inflates both the good and bad times, that makes them seem bigger than what they are?

My parents divorced when I was younger, after a very turbulent relationship. They remarried 12 years later and have remained together ever since. I wouldn't say it was a happy relationship however. I think my mum saw money and thought this was her chance. Not sure why my dad even wanted her back.

It's not unheard of for people to remarry the same partner. All I'd say is, despite you saying life is short, it's not so short when you're stuck with a person that wasn't really compatible with you the first time around. Outside of children and familiarity.

The "wanting to provide stability", "why wait" and "get married by 40" attitudes are contradictory.

Your relationship has been driven by seemingly impulsive actions - the arbitrary age deadline and "why wait" comment seem to be carrying on in the same way. This didn't work out well for you before and didn't provide stability for you. If you want to provide stability for you and your children then that is why you take things slowly and sit with each stage of your relationship, making sure the foundations are strong, before you move ahead.

But if you are already living together in a new home then it sounds like that is not the advice you want to hear.

So sure, why not, you can always get divorced again if it doesn't work out.

What have either of you done to change what caused you to split on the first place? Therapy?

It seems like you're impulsive and reactive and don't give much thought to the fallout and consequences of your rash actions and the effects those have on others. But you're rigid in putting age limits on certain life goals and seeing other viewpoints.

So, good luck.

I know of a few couples who have done this (but the gap of being divorced was longer). I am sort of in agreement with you that life is short. Also circumstances change and you can learn as you go. However it would be wise to make sure you have a good talk through everything before you get married again and ensure you aren't just storing unresolved issues up. I think that life and relationships aren't always linear.

why wait? Maybe to avoiding making the same mistake again. Isn’t that “why wait?” Attitude what got you into this fiasco in the first place. You are plenty old enough to know better - I’m shocked you’re not 19!

Those poor kids.

Your family lawyer would want to know your financial situation before answering this question! Do you have more money than him? More assets? Because as you will know entitlement on divorce differs significantly from breaking up.

You divorced after a short marriage last time. That may not be the case in the event divorce occurred again.

Dont leap in with your heart, use your head and protect yourself financially if you have more to lose!

So… my parents divorced and remarried (only to each other) 3 times…. I thought they were batshit crazy but now, in their 70’s, do actually seem settled and happy so 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️. Live and let live. If it works for you, that’s all that matters xx

Yes those poor kids with their parents breaking up and getting back together again every five minutes. They must not know if they are coming or going.

I know you probably like to think of yourself as the great romantic but really, it’s just embarrassing.

Have you actually worked though the reasons you split up the first time? Have you reflected on how well these impetuous hot headed decisions have worked for you so far?

How about seeing if you can actually sustain a stable relationship for more than a month before you get married this time.

So yeah, bore off yourself. 🙄

But you ‘have’ married, so this negates your ‘won’t marry beyond 40’ self-promise. You’ve already done it once, prior to 40, so you fulfilled your (probably younger self’s) goals.

Now, your ‘older and MUCH wiser’ promise to yourself should be to ensure you marry the right person! Surely??

Every 5 minutes? Erm, we split once thank you and yes we have worked through then clearly. We have been back together z while also. Probably read things thoroughly before commenting