He wants to date someone else

[Ncforthis2244]

I’ve been seeing someone for about a month now and I’m starting to really fall for him. Things have been going well, but recently he told me he wants to go on a date with another woman to “make sure his feelings for me are real.”

We've not become physical yet, and for background I've been on OLD for about a year and had a number of dates, but i'm the first person he's dated since his divorce.

I’ve thought about it and I know I can’t control what he does as he’s free to make his own choices. But I also know my own boundaries: I wouldn’t be willing to carry on dating someone who was sleeping with, or regularly seeing, other women. And I don’t want to be in a “pick me” situation where I’m sat waiting while he decides between me and someone else.

I’ve told him this as kindly and honestly as I could, that I respect his decision but to protect my own heart I’d need to step back if he carries on dating others.

Now I’m stuck. Part of me feels like I should just walk away now, because the fact he even wants to explore this might mean he’s not really in the same place as me. But another part of me thinks maybe I should give him the space to go on this one date and see how he feels afterwards, since he has been upfront about it.

Has anyone been in this situation before? Would you continue seeing someone after they did this, or is it already a red flag that they’re not truly invested?

Im white British and grew up in east London so definitely not cultural. It was absolutely the norm in my experience and I dont know anyone who would have tolerated being one of a number. I’ve seen more than enough scraps over someone being caught seeing someone else to know how badly it was seen.

We will have to agree to disagree because our life experiences seem a million miles apart

Your opinion is very much in the minority

You'd be the only cool woman then happy for this man to try out others.

I've been in a relationship for long enough for when you were " dating " someone it was exclusive unless you were two timing and that was looked upon as cheating .
You,are falling for him but , sadly , he is not feeling the same as you .
I think you'd be right to stop seeing him as you obviously do not have the same outlook on life/ relationships .

He's just not into the OP enough. If he was, he wouldn't need to see other women "to make sure". Walk away.

"Im white British and grew up in east London so definitely not cultural. "

I'm not white or British so that's why I'm saying the being exclusive from Date 1 might be a cultural thing for you guys. We like to scrap over nearly everything, but wouldn't be fighting over someone who is dating different people. That's their choice.and I do see rushing a relationship as a red flag.

You should walk away.

It doesn't matter what kind of backtracking he might try to do now - the fact that he would even think of trying this one with you speaks volumes about him and what he thinks of you.

If someone really likes you they don’t need to see other people to know.

jesus there are people on here with low standards

If he was into you he would not want to risk losing you. That is real feeling. He is telling you he isn't interested but wants to keep you on the back burner in case he doesn't find anyone else.

Please maintain your dignity - walk away. He is welcome to come back and beg if he wants.

This

Just to paint the opposite picture: I was also in a similar situation, let it play itself out, and we've been very happily married for over a decade.

It depends on so many things that we can't tell from a MN thread!

What I wouldn't be doing in OP's shoes is getting the huff after just a month of seeing each other. I'd be asking what sort of feelings he feels he is testing and why this approach makes sense to him. Unless he sounds crazy, just see what happens next.

The early stages of a relationship that's going unusually well can actually be quite disconcerting.