Anyone awake?

[Littlemess]

Could use someone to chat to

Hi ladies, no no gambling here. I wouldn’t even know where to start. I got talking with a lovely woman online she became my friend, played the long game promised to help me and scammed me. I’m sorry u went through this @Senuousnotsensuous

Oh and that feeling of shock and utter despair and desperation from what you’ve lost won’t last. I know you feel sick now but if it is gambling the compulsion to win it back will grip hold of you eventually.

As awful as these feelings are, try to keep hold of them and not to minimise this, you won’t ever win your money back and chasing the loss never works.

Oh well that’s a relief! At least you won’t be losing more long time.

In that case do you have any proof to get the money back? What made you give money to a stranger?

Whatever the situation there are underlying issues you need help with. Please don’t go through this alone. Do you have friends or family who can help?

Sorry to derail, there was just similarities with how people feel after they have gambled a lot.
That's awful but try and remember it's happening to people everyday, I literally heard on the radio yesterday that fraud was the biggest crime in the UK right now.
I hope these feelings of despair pass and think about talking to your husband or family for support x

We were speaking for so long she wasn’t like a stranger. I guess she seen a vulnerability in me and took advantage of the situation.

im in total shock. I only have DH

OP, how much money did you send?
What reason did she give for wanting it?
Did you do a bank transfer or send it some other way?
What contact details do you have for her, e.g. mobile number or email or social media account?
Have you reported to Action Fraud or your local Police Force?

I sent nearly £2000 she promised it would b short term and could return me more than double. I bank transferred. I’m an old fool. Can I contact the police about this?

She showed me she had done this for other friends. I guess I was just naive and it was all lies

Yes you can report it to police. Why do you now think she is a scammer, what changed?

Definitely contact the police x

She’s gone. We went from constant contact to her disappearing. It started small amounts then got more and more. I can’t sleep with worry

Op I got scammed and lost about £500. I willingly sent the money and as soon as I did I realised I had been scammed. I called the bank and even though I’d sent the money, they still refunded me. Please I urge you to call your bank again - I don’t think this can be correct and I think you received shit customer service.

Also contact the citizens advice bureau if this doesn’t help: I hope you are ok and sorry it’s happened to you.

I’m so sorry it happened to you! Are you ok? Did you have support from your family?

@Littlemess ah thank you for your concern and it was a few years back, but I was very scared as I had just got my divorce settlement through. I had about £150k in my account and I was worried they would take that all as that my my deposit for my new house. My new partner gave me comfort and assured me that it could happen to anyone. I work in finance so I felt terrible.

I am concerned for you though as even before the scam, you were already walking on eggshells with your DH. How long has it been like this? How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?

@Littlemess ah thank you for your concern and it was a few years back, but I was very scared as I had just got my divorce settlement through. I had about £150k in my account and I was worried they would take that all as that my my deposit for my new house. My new partner gave me comfort and assured me that it could happen to anyone. I work in finance so I felt terrible.

I am concerned for you though as even before the scam, you were already walking on eggshells with your DH. How long has it been like this? How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?

We have had a tough year. His mood has changed. He keeps promising to see a doctor but it never comes. I’m glad you had the support of your partner. I am 63.

@Littlemess i am sorry you are going through this and it does sound like an organised scam where they prey on the vulnerable. Please do contact the police tomorrow or you could actually call them now. You can call 101… if you can’t sleep and could call them without your husband hearing, maybe you could do it now.
His mood sounds like a bit of a problem - has he been through a job loss or illness? Are there no Dc to help / lean on?

We had one DS but he’s no longer with us. Anon, I’m so scared of him hearing. That’s why I seriously considered up and leaving. But I wouldn’t even have anywhere to go. I’ve really messed up. Even when I was vomiting tonight due to shock there was no acknowledgment from him

Who are your local police force? You should be able to report online, I will find the link if you let me know which force it is.

I’m so sorry to hear about your son x
And I’m sorry about how you are feeling.
I think you can contact Crime stoppers online so you won’t get heard.

https://www.police.uk/pu/contact-the-police/report-a-

am going to try sleep but ill check in on you later x

If you’ve been scammed into transferring money via bank transfer (also known as an Authorised Push Payment or APP fraud), there is protection and support available—especially if this occurred in the UK:

If the Payment Was Made on or After 7 October 2024

New mandatory rules (introduced by the Payment Systems Regulator) require your bank or payment provider to refund you directly. Here’s what you need to know:

Key Protections:

• Mandatory refund: The provider must reimburse you if the scam involved a UK bank-to-bank transfer via Faster Payments or CHAPS.
• Timeframe: Typically, refunds should be processed within 5 working days of your claim. In more complex cases, they may take up to 35 working days.
• Maximum refund: £85,000 per claim—though some banks may offer more.
• Excess fee: Providers may deduct up to £100 from your payout (unless you’re considered vulnerable). Some banks—like Nationwide, TSB, and Virgin Money—have pledged not to apply this.
• Gross negligence: Refunds can be refused only if the provider can prove you were grossly negligent—a very high threshold. General or generic warnings don’t count, only direct, specific warnings that you ignored qualify.
• Report quickly: You must notify your provider within 13 months of the last fraudulent payment.

Yes. And you should.

Thanks for all the information. I will read it at work and try action some of it

I’m sorry to hear about that. Being scammed in that way is terrible because it’s not just the money. It makes it harder to trust your judgement, and trust anyone who is friendly. It can drive you into further isolation.

Is there anyone at all, in real life, that you can reach out and talk to?

Thank you for being kind. I don’t think so, I’m so embarrassed and honestly trying to figure a way out of it all. Even if I could get a little money together to go on the holiday and keep up the pretence everything is fine