Anyone awake?

[Littlemess]

Could use someone to chat to

So you're in an abusive relationship. Forget the lost money/ holiday. You need to address the real problem here - your partner. It sounds like he's eroded all your self- esteem. You need to call Women's Aid and make a plan to leave. It's not normal to walk on eggshells or be afraid to tell him you've made mistake.

Business and a few big life expenses. Sorry I’m utterly miserable to speak to. Thanks for baring with me

Keep chatting. I am still awake and listening

Is the business his/ yours or both your names?

Never too old, he's just worn you down!

My point is you wouldn't leave with nothing. You'd leave with so much opportunity! Imagine doing what you want, when you want and never being told it's wrong.

What am I going to do Bev. I’m totally stressed. I’m working in the morning. I’ve fucked up haven’t I? He’s never going to let this go. Maybe I could pull out holiday. Tell him to go with a friend

I ask about the business if in his name then his responsibility. If he put your name on it ( even though you may not work in it) it is both responsibility. Does he share his money with you or do you pay groceries and other bills? Are you on a mortgage with him?

thr business was both of ours and didn’t work out. He bounced back and I’m in a minimum wage job! We split all bills etc. he’s in a much better financial position than me hence me trying to get more money for the holiday. I’m an idiot

House is his. He owned it before I moved here

So sorry this has happened to you OP. The banks won’t commit to reimbursing you because they’d then have to pay out for every claim so I would persist. Martin Lewis is fantastic https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2024/10/bank-transfer-scam-refund-rules/

Thank you

Sorry to hear this OP. It’s very easy to get scammed these days, don’t be so hard on yourself.
It doesn’t sound like your husband is very kind to you.You really should be able to tell him, but if you’re certain you cant, could you pretend to be ill and suggest he takes a friend?
sending lots of love ❤️

Businesses fail for all sorts of reasons every day no matter how hard people work. Circumstances change e.g. costs going up from suppliers, not enough customers, new regulations tipping people over, banks calling in loans early. ill health. So stop kicking yourself. So passing blame doesn't solve anything . You are his sounding board for all of his woes/ problems. If he took your advice and things go well he praises himself not you, if he took your advice and things go badly he passes blame to you. He moans and is impatient because you are the one there to take this verbal abuse. Stop taking blame. Money issues after a very long time often can be sorted out. You were trying to fix a problem ( because you on minimum wage) and it went wrong ( scammers are good at their devious craft). Going on holiday with him sounds joyless even without the scam issue. You sound like you are graciously trying to placate him and his woes/ troubles. Stop that behaviour over a period of time.....he has learned to depend on you for everything. He ignores your many issues and refuses to acknowledge or validate your problems.

Is he aggressive, threatening or tries to hit/ hurt you?

Thanks for your post. You have obviously taken time to put that together. You’re right I do take a lot from him and I always try to keep the peace. If I hadn’t been so anxious I wouldn’t have got into this mess. He’s not physically violent

Hi, I'm awake. I'm not sure I can help but I didn't want you to think you are alone.

Thanks @sashh. I feel pretty alone. Not slept a wink. I tried to make cash quickly and have ruined everything. No idea how to fix this

You have brought a lot to his life more than money ever would or will. That is a huge value especially when you are older. At the same time it does not mean you have to be spoken to in an ill tempered impatient manner or that you must always stay and tolerate. Step back from holiday and pretend illness ( diarrhoea severe !) whatever. Let him go on his own or tell him to bring a pal. Tell him about scam afterwards. Remember you are not " the resource" but an equal even though he may tell you otherwise.

Night night

I have been physically sick tonight. Think it was shock of what’s happened. Not sure how I’ll get through the day at work. But need the money more than ever now I’ve lost everything. I really appreciate ur support Bev

Night night

U away?

OP, I ask this kindly with no judgement but have you gambled it?

You gambled didn’t you OP?

I could be wrong but I’ve lived with a gambling addict long enough to recognise the signs from what you are saying.

I might be wrong but “trying to make more money” and “scam gambling sites” are phrases I’ve heard a LOT.

I have my own addiction issues but been in recovery for years, my DP was the least possible person I could ever imagine being an addict. He doesn’t drive, he smoked and gave up with no aids, he won’t even take painkillers. Unfortunately he had a big win the first time he tried online gambling and things spiralled, but he supported me so I was there for him.

I have been in several situations where we were going away, had bills to pay etc and had to cover things for a while. If you have just been scammed then I’d especially expect your Dp doing the same for you.

My Dp won £5,000 on his first win, it was life changing for us but it also meant that the money he lost consequently was money we had never had with maybe an extra £2000 on top. I separated our finances and got him help, he was badly addicted but other then the lottery he hasn’t gambled in months.

If I’m right please register with gamstop so you can no longer access online sites. It has worked for my DP and I did it myself so the temptation wasn’t there to pressure me into it.

Your relationship doesn’t sound a good one with no support, this won’t help you. Maybe this is the time to think about getting outside help and making big changes? It’s absolutely terrifying but I’ve found some things happen that force us into crisis mode to make changes and be happier in the long run.

I could be completely wrong and you have been scammed by an outside source? Either way no judgement from me, as a recovering addict I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. If that’s the case hopefully you can get the money back.

I can totally understand how upset you are right now, I’ve been scammed and skint, I’ve been in shitty unsupportive relationships. I know you will get past this though and be happy again x

Sorry this has happened OP. These scammers are absolute cunts. Please be aware once they have money from you they put you on (sorry but this is what it is called) 'suckers list' you will receive more scam calls / emails, be prepared.