DH wants to leave UK

[hnwis]

We've been married 20 yrs & as kids become grown up I always thought we’d want the same things in later life. It seems not. He’s adamant he wants out of this country- largely because has his own biz which has taken a battering since covid & he’s convinced this country is over, not just economically but socially too… now I wouldn’t mind a couple of months a year away, but he wants to move a long way away, forever! He’s serious. And it seems he is not bothered enough about what I may want to hold him back! I get it. We all have one life. But I thought ours was together. Now I’m
not so sure & feel like we’re just treading water until he can make his dream come true. It’s fair to say our relationship isn’t perfect.. but it’s not awful, just a typical 20 yr marriage I think, we have both changed a lot since we fell in love & bought up a family. I don’t think it’s a mid life crisis as such beyond the fact he doesn’t want to ‘settle’ in life.. Has anyone been in a similar situation? He doesn’t want to compromise & live half/half.. & he knows I feel strongly about staying here for family, friends & actually I like this country!! So I can’t help but feel he’s making a decision about our marriage here by being so adamant.

Which Caribbean country is your husband planning to move to, and will that country want him? Moving countries in your fifties is not straightforward, unless you are bringing a lot of money with you. And what does he suggest you should do whilst he is 'dabbling' in property?

Even Macron is annoyed with Britain because we're so generous in what we offer that you've got all kinds of people camped in northern France waiting to be shipped over because they'll get treated far better here than they would anywhere else.

We're spending two weeks travelling through France and it is beautiful.

I don't want to leave the UK though but my DH would.

Has he even looked into the visa requirements? especially as you don’t expect to have much pension income.

If you want to leave the UK for a country with better prospects then you will need to be an asset to that country or they wont want you.
If you're in your 50s you're not an asset, you'll soon be adding to their numbers of elderly dependent people, of which they already have too many.

How do you feel about living in a different country to your children? It wouldn’t be for me. My brothers moved to America, one came back every year for a visit but the other had far more infrequent visits.

Every other country iffers good/ok benefits. People are trying to get to britain for tons of reasons including historic ones (colonial connections) familiarity with rnglish, chain migration (relatives already here) and a perceived stability of government (less chance of state breakdown). Its also, obviously, the last stop geographically so people may try to get here because they have been forced out of other places. Thats not because other places offer less but because since they bear the brunt of the first waves they have already exhausted what was available.

Your whole argument falls apart onve you know some facts. At any rate if you think its so delightful living on refugee benefits as a stateless person why don’t you go for it? Dump your citizenship and flee somewhere else with the clothes on your back?

Some countries have a mutual agreement about UK pensions. Like Barbados. Here's a snapshot infographic comparing the cost of living between Barbados and the United Kingdom—a useful visual to set the scene. Now, let’s break down key quality‑of‑life aspects between the two:

1. Cost of Living & Housing Affordability

Overall Cost of Living Barbados is significantly cheaper: approx $1,320/month for a single person versus $2,390/month in the UK—a roughly 45% lower cost.

Rent
In Barbados, average monthly rent is about $599, compared to $1,485 in the UK—60% lower.

In England, renters now spend on average 36.3% of their income on rent, up from 33.1%, exceeding the 30% affordability benchmark. Rents rose 7.9% to £1,232/month, while incomes fell.

Housing Market
In the UK, housing prices range from 4× to 12× annual income, particularly steep in London where prices can reach 12 times salary. England also faces a housing shortfall exceeding 1 million homes.

Barbados offers more affordable rental and property options, though premium ocean-view homes command higher prices.

1. Food Prices & Essentials

Groceries & Dining
Food shopping in Barbados is around 16% more expensive than in the UK due to imports. Still, meals out are often cheaper (e.g., mid-range restaurant meals about £75 vs £65 in the UK).
Livingcost.org data shows food expenses are similar: $527/month (BB) vs $562/month (UK).

Utilities & Transportation Utilities are more affordable in Barbados: roughly £98 vs £237 in the UK. Public transport is cheaper too: £20 vs £70/month, although local taxi fare starts higher in Barbados (£9 vs £4 in the UK).

1. Crime & Safety

Barbados is regarded as one of the safer Caribbean nations, particularly in expat-favored areas. It ranks as the 79th safest country, versus the UK's 84th.

Numbeo's comparison: “worries about home break-ins” are similar—43.45 (Barbados) vs 43.94 (UK)—indicating comparable levels of concern.

Anecdotal insights:

> “Barbados… boasts low crime rates and is considered one of the safest islands in the Caribbean.… Barbados is generally safer than many parts of the UK, especially in terms of violent crime.”

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1. Healthcare, Education & Social Services

Healthcare
Barbados offers excellent medical services—Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Bridgetown provides free minor treatments and strong geriatric care.
A family who relocated noted they found improved prenatal and birth care experiences compared to the UK.

Childcare & Education Childcare is much cheaper in Barbados. One remote-working family found grocery prices high but childcare costs low, balancing their budget. UK childcare remains among the most expensive in Europe—though not quantified here, the difference is dramatic in comparison.

1. Other Social Indicators

Indicator Barbados United Kingdom

Human Freedom Index 7.75 8.64
Life Expectancy 76.2 years 81.2 years
Corruption Perception Index 68 71
Higher Education Enrollment (%) ~28% 100% (relative scale)
Quality of Life (index) 64 90
GDP per Capita $25,366 $52,637

The UK achieves higher scores in life expectancy, quality of life, education access, and GDP per capita. Barbados offers more moderate levels but in a more relaxed, community-oriented style.

1. Lifestyle & Culture

Barbados
Offers year-round warm weather, beach lifestyle, vibrant culture, festivals like Crop Over, and English-speaking locals.
A strong expat community, especially on the west coast, supports newcomers.

UK Broader economic opportunity, richer cultural infrastructure (arts, education, transport), but comes at higher social and financial cost.

Summary Comparison

Category Barbados United Kingdom (England)

Cost of Living ~45% cheaper overall Higher—especially rent and utilities Housing Affordability Much lower rent; still premium for certain homes Much less affordable; high housing cost burden Food & Essentials Grocery prices moderate to high; utilities cheaper Groceries and utilities higher Crime & Safety Safer, particularly in expat areas Higher violent/property crime in urban centers Healthcare & Childcare Good healthcare; affordable childcare Higher healthcare access; childcare very expensive Social Metrics Lower on life expectancy, education, income Higher across most wellbeing indicators Lifestyle Laid-back, tropical, expat-friendly Urban, culturally rich, economically dynamic

Final Thoughts

If you're prioritizing affordable housing, safety, low taxes, childcare, and an outdoor tropical lifestyle, Barbados offers compelling advantages.

Ooohhhh!!! Is anyone here NOT moving to Barbados, now?!??! 🌞🌞🌞

Not deluded at all.
Germany has loads of immigrants, yes, but look at its demographics. It’s hugely different in size and you don’t get everything there for nothing. I doubt they are building small cities either and destroying their own countryside and green belt land to accommodate all these people.

France is safe, as are many other safe countries. Why not stop there if fleeing persecution ?
Nope. England is the destination and most of us with any sense know why. Of course there are many genuine people with desperate situations and needs but equally there are those taking the downright piss.

Trouble is, you can’t have any kind of discussion about this without someone screaming and throwing a tantrum that you are racist .

It is batshit to think it is sustainable for things to continue as it is.

Ps.. my life is fine thank you very much. My suggestion to you would be to wake up and smell the coffee..

You get way more in Germany than in the UK as a refugee! And much nicer housing and social care. Merkel's crazy migrant policy has definitely affected Germany negatively. My brother's private school used to have 200 pupils, as it was so unusual to go private in Germany due its excellent state schools. Now it has over 1500 pupils, as people are finding state schools are going to pot with the numbers if migrants who don't speak German. It's definitely not just the UK that's a haven for migrants.

You get way more in Germany than in the UK as a refugee! And much nicer housing and social care. Merkel's crazy migrant policy has definitely affected Germany negatively. My brother's private school used to have 200 pupils, as it was so unusual to go private in Germany due to its excellent state schools. Now it has over 1500 pupils, as people are finding state schools are going to pot with the numbers of migrants who don't speak German. It's definitely not just the UK that's a haven for migrants.

Op I've only read your posts but is your dh from the carribean? My dh and I live in the UK but he's not from here. He was living here when we met in our 20s and it never really occurred to us to discuss where we'd live in the long term. Suddenly as he was hitting 40 he decided he really wanted to live back in his own country.
We have school age children who don't speak his language and despite much expense on lessons I can barely follow a conversation never mind engage in one.
It took a lot of working through. We spend more time now in his country though we remain here to live.
It felt very unfair at the time but ultimately I had to understand his feelings on it and we figured a compromise.
I wondered if it was something like that with your dh? If not he's being grossly unfair to expect you to uproot your lives just for vision of his future.

Where do you expect your children to live? If they’re still in uni. Maybe late teens to 22. On average they’d benefit from being able to live at home for a few more years.
I know two families where the parents have gone off as soon as youngest goes to uni and those children have no base. parents have gone off with a new partner or abroad and there’s no room for them or not easy to visit.

Why are so many people posting about the various pros and cons of moving from the UK? That is completely irrelevant!

The OP has not posted for advice about whether to emigrate from the UK. She has stated clearly that she does not want to do this for her own reasons. The issue is that her husband seems to be trying to insist and force her to move coutries against her will.

Why cant people see that someone's husband is forcing or coercing them to do something against their will, that is a problem, regardless of context.

See below:

OP: My husband is forcing me to give up my lovely job to become a SAHP
Various dim posters: Being a SAHP might be fun though

OP: I went to a restaurant with my husband and he ordered lobster for both of us without checking if like/want lobster
Various dim posters: Lucky you, lobster sounds like a real treat

Come on people, WTF?! Its awful that OPs husband is steamrolling ahead with a life-changing decision against the will of the OP. It doesn't matter whether anyone else would want to emigrate it matters what the OP wants

We have found that it works to keep UK home and take a couple of long-stay holidays over the winter Spain/Cyprus etc once you factor in the savings in food heating etc it can be cost effective the best of both worlds or you could downsize in the UK to fund this there are lots of options you can even go full -time on a cruise ship!

We are not destroying green belt for immigrant housing. For HS2 yes. Of course Germany has new buildings. However this isn’t much to do with going to the Caribbean!

Most millionaires think they’d be better off outside the UK

https://www.thetimes.com/article/3d04de83-2e84-48e5-b3a5-7dd102c8016f?shareToken=698022dcc897afa4bbdfe6858feb0c53

@hnwisYes of course! Look at suggestions for taxing houses! Are you worth over £1 million? We are but would not go. We value seeing dc! As we are this weekend. Not planned but it’s a pleasure that they are seeing us. No flights!

Yes. Obviously. As was I. People are more important to me than places 🤷‍♀️

He sounds like a whipped dog unfortunately. Leaving the UK isn't the panacea to one's troubles.

Personally I wouldn’t hold him back but wouldn’t be going with him. Sounds like you have grown apart anyway so why not just hve that discussion instead. You can stay friendly and just accept you have different needs and dreams now.

A big part of the reason some migrants head for the UK is the language. They often learn English at school, and they hear it so much through pop music and subtitled American films, so they are pretty proficient. Think about it - if you needed asylum, you'd head for a country where you could speak a bit of the language wouldn't you? France gets a lot of Algerian migrants for that very reason, for example.

Why does dh get to decide unilaterally what to do in your marriage? In theory, you have a 50:50 stake.