Page 2 | DH wants to leave UK

hnwis · 2025-08-17T17:13:15+00:00

We've been married 20 yrs & as kids become grown up I always thought we’d want the same things in later life. It seems not. He’s adamant he wants out of this country- largely because has his own biz which has taken a battering since covid & he’s convinced this country is over, not just economically but socially too… now I wouldn’t mind a couple of months a year away, but he wants to move a long way away, forever! He’s serious. And it seems he is not bothered enough about what I may want to hold him back! I get it. We all have one life. But I thought ours was together. Now I’m not so sure & feel like we’re just treading water until he can make his dream come true. It’s fair to say our relationship isn’t perfect.. but it’s not awful, just a typical 20 yr marriage I think, we have both changed a lot since we fell in love & bought up a family. I don’t think it’s a mid life crisis as such beyond the fact he doesn’t want to ‘settle’ in life.. Has anyone been in a similar situation? He doesn’t want to compromise & live half/half.. & he knows I feel strongly about staying here for family, friends & actually I like this country!! So I can’t help but feel he’s making a decision about our marriage here by being so adamant.

OrangeSmoke · 17/08/2025 22:05

I sympathise with you because there's nothing that would induce me to leave the UK, because it's home, it's where my family is, my culture is, where all my life's history is. Arguments about the state of the country or what other countries can offer miss the point.

By all means look into what life would be like there but ultimately if you're not fully committed I think you'll struggle to build a life in another country.

Original poster

hnwis · 17/08/2025 22:13

TizerorFizz · 17/08/2025 21:40

@hnwisHes running away isn’t he? Doesn’t care to see dc or any friends. So he’s utterly self centred I’m afraid. Me, I would never leave my dc. He’s got years to be successful too. He needs to think where the business went wrong and put it right. There’s still a good living to be made here if you get it right.

If he’s serious, I’d sell up and let him have a share. I’m very sorry but he doesn’t care for you or your family. He’s just daydreaming and selfish.

He’s doing everything in his power to put the biz right but the sector is a mess. He won’t/ can’t go yet & is hoping by the time he can, it will be profitable again as he’s pivoted what he does a bit. He loves his children more than anything and will fly them out/ come back for them but we are also both realistic that young adult children have their own lives to live. I can totally see why he wants to do this. The point is, I don’t. And it’s his refusal to compromise that is hurtful to me.. you may be right in that I’m not sure he’s that bothered about me anymore!

OP posts:

user764329056 · 17/08/2025 22:19

Sorry OP, am with your DH, know several families who’ve upped sticks from UK to Caribbean and all wish they’d done it sooner, has taken years off them and wouldn’t return to UK if you paid them, I’d jump at the chance, this country has fallen apart and will never recover

MounjaroMounjaro · 17/08/2025 22:19

Has he thought about practical things like health care when he gets older, if he's living abroad?

Mrsbloggz · 17/08/2025 22:23

MounjaroMounjaro · 17/08/2025 22:19

Has he thought about practical things like health care when he gets older, if he's living abroad?

This was my thought, Caribbean when fairly young & on holiday sounds fab.
But when you're elderly with failing health, and the heat putting an extra strain on all your organs ... .?

newyearsresolurion · 17/08/2025 22:24

Research on how many westerners get robbed and killed post retiring to the Caribbean

Eyesopenwideawake · 17/08/2025 22:26

newyearsresolurion · 17/08/2025 22:24

Research on how many westerners get robbed and killed post retiring to the Caribbean

Whereas in the UK no one ever gets robbed or killed.

Everythingchanges72 · 17/08/2025 22:31

Well DH and I have lived in several different countries, and frankly none of them are a magic cure for whatever one is trying to escape from. Wherever you go, there you are.

He’s in property? And plans to ‘dabble’?. What does he mean by living ‘the simplest non materialistic lifestyle’?

Everythingchanges72 · 17/08/2025 22:31

Well DH and I have lived in several different countries, and frankly none of them are a magic cure for whatever one is trying to escape from. Wherever you go, there you are.

He’s in property? And plans to ‘dabble’?. What does he mean by living ‘the simplest non materialistic lifestyle’?

RedRock41 · 17/08/2025 22:32

Ah great. That’s something at least. I can understand. Shame you couldn’t do half/half. Keep a UK base for when you want need/it and have an adventure together. It’s the all in wouldn’t be up for.

Dappy777 · 17/08/2025 22:35

User32459 · 17/08/2025 21:27

Don't blame him. Country is fucked and he knows it.

Edited

I genuinely fear for the future of this country. The amount of rage around immigration is astonishing. Even neighbours I considered quite left-wing now seem angry. My local woods have been hacked down to make way for two massive new estates. Judging by the accents and languages, I’d say over half the people who’ve moved onto those estates weren’t born in this country. A second massive estate has been built at the other end of the village, and now we’ve been told the fields in the centre of the village are going to be built on as well. Everywhere I look in my home town I see groups of young immigrant men wandering about. A female neighbour no longer goes into town because she’s too scared. This is a university town, and all the flats and estates around the university have been taken over by immigrants and their families. The town has changed dramatically in just the last ten years. A friend who works for the university told me the visa system is being exploited but no one does anything.

And this issue isn’t going away. You only have to look at the birth rates. Africa’s birth rate is the highest in the world, and the African population is going to double. The pressure on Europe’s borders will only intensify as climate change gets worse. Our politicians have made it perfectly clear they are not going to do anything about immigration, and even if they tried human rights groups would sabotage their efforts. I really feel we’re heading for some kind of crisis - maybe not civil war, but certainly serious unrest. What frightens me is that I can only see the problem getting worse and worse. If climate change is as bad as some say, people are going to start migrating in ever larger numbers. We keep being told birth rates are dropping, but we haven’t peaked yet. In 1960 there were three billion humans, today there are eight billion and we’re going to peak at ten billion around 2050, just as climate change is causing havoc.

Mrsbloggz · 17/08/2025 22:43

Everythingchanges72 · 17/08/2025 22:31

Well DH and I have lived in several different countries, and frankly none of them are a magic cure for whatever one is trying to escape from. Wherever you go, there you are.

He’s in property? And plans to ‘dabble’?. What does he mean by living ‘the simplest non materialistic lifestyle’?

He wants to live as nature intended, no unnatural western medicine, just herbal remedies, maybe voodoo?

GhostInTheWashingMachine · 17/08/2025 22:53

There is a lot of violent crime in much of the Caribbean (much of it due to gang activity and guns brought in to transship drugs from Latin America). A lot of the islands suppress coverage of it because their economies depend on tourism. Staying in an all-inclusive resort for a couple of weeks and living in the Caribbean are two absolutely different experiences.

Public healthcare may or may not be very good and free healthcare would be limited to emergencies for non-nationals. Some islands have small populations so just don't have the capacity in terms of specialists or equipment to deal with some events/conditions even if you go private, so you have to go to the US for treatment.

They're also extremely vulnerable to climate change, with bigger, more frequent hurricanes happening these days. The OP already thinks it's too hot, and it's getting hotter.

And just getting there and back is a much bigger (and more expensive) deal than Europe.

Mrsbloggz · 17/08/2025 23:02

GhostInTheWashingMachine · 17/08/2025 22:53

There is a lot of violent crime in much of the Caribbean (much of it due to gang activity and guns brought in to transship drugs from Latin America). A lot of the islands suppress coverage of it because their economies depend on tourism. Staying in an all-inclusive resort for a couple of weeks and living in the Caribbean are two absolutely different experiences.

Public healthcare may or may not be very good and free healthcare would be limited to emergencies for non-nationals. Some islands have small populations so just don't have the capacity in terms of specialists or equipment to deal with some events/conditions even if you go private, so you have to go to the US for treatment.

They're also extremely vulnerable to climate change, with bigger, more frequent hurricanes happening these days. The OP already thinks it's too hot, and it's getting hotter.

And just getting there and back is a much bigger (and more expensive) deal than Europe.

But, but surely you've got that wrong?!
@user764329056 knows 'several families who’ve upped sticks from UK to Caribbean and all wish they’d done it sooner, has taken years off them and wouldn’t return to UK if you paid them'

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 17/08/2025 23:28

Get your self abroad. Rent your house out and move to Italy. Prob biased as ive just got back from lake garda and Venice for the 2nd time this year but I really love italy. Its much better than the uk

NoVibrato · 17/08/2025 23:54

Incidentally, "the Caribbean" is not a monolithic entity; life would vary tremendously depending on whether you were in Haiti or Jamaica or the Bahamas or Saint Lucia (just to name a few nations!).. Which post-colonial entity is your husband selecting?

SecretNameforMN · 17/08/2025 23:59

User32459 · 17/08/2025 21:27

Don't blame him. Country is fucked and he knows it.

Edited

I agree. Tell him I'll go with him!

user764329056 · 18/08/2025 00:16

No country is trouble free, it’s about weighing up pros and cons, my cousin (single, no children) relocated to Barbados when there was a paid incentive to move there if you could work remotely, he’s very settled and won’t return, the others I know (3 families) who relocated were people I met when working in the NHS, one family to Antigua, one to Bermuda and the other to St Lucia, we keep in touch by email and they’re thriving

MrsVino · 18/08/2025 07:18

Dappy777 · 17/08/2025 22:35

I genuinely fear for the future of this country. The amount of rage around immigration is astonishing. Even neighbours I considered quite left-wing now seem angry. My local woods have been hacked down to make way for two massive new estates. Judging by the accents and languages, I’d say over half the people who’ve moved onto those estates weren’t born in this country. A second massive estate has been built at the other end of the village, and now we’ve been told the fields in the centre of the village are going to be built on as well. Everywhere I look in my home town I see groups of young immigrant men wandering about. A female neighbour no longer goes into town because she’s too scared. This is a university town, and all the flats and estates around the university have been taken over by immigrants and their families. The town has changed dramatically in just the last ten years. A friend who works for the university told me the visa system is being exploited but no one does anything.

And this issue isn’t going away. You only have to look at the birth rates. Africa’s birth rate is the highest in the world, and the African population is going to double. The pressure on Europe’s borders will only intensify as climate change gets worse. Our politicians have made it perfectly clear they are not going to do anything about immigration, and even if they tried human rights groups would sabotage their efforts. I really feel we’re heading for some kind of crisis - maybe not civil war, but certainly serious unrest. What frightens me is that I can only see the problem getting worse and worse. If climate change is as bad as some say, people are going to start migrating in ever larger numbers. We keep being told birth rates are dropping, but we haven’t peaked yet. In 1960 there were three billion humans, today there are eight billion and we’re going to peak at ten billion around 2050, just as climate change is causing havoc.

Show quote history

This is the most accurate and correct post I’ve seen in a long time. Scarily true . Hence our desire to leave. It’s very very worrying.

MaxTalk · 18/08/2025 07:30

Immigration is a factor but many immigrants do sterling work.

Unfortunately it's this government who are hell bent on destroying the economy who are to mainly to blame.

REDB99 · 18/08/2025 07:41

MrsVino · 17/08/2025 21:44

Agree with this. It’s an absolute joke and only getting worse.
I am currently discussing with my husband a move abroad because we don’t want our children to grow up in this country given the state of it. The news only tells you the minimum. It really is fucked . Big time .

Show quote history

Hurry up and go then, people living in any country have likes and dislikes about it. I love living in Britain, I love the countryside, I love the people, my DD goes to an amazing state school and will go to a great secondary after that. I have family and friends. I have a good job, a pension, the NHS have been there when I’ve needed it. I have savings.

All these people moaning about the country need to put their money where their mouth is, leave, be proactive instead of moaning about it. More likely you’ll still be here in a year carrying on with your moaning.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 18/08/2025 07:44

Questions for your DH - would you be entitled to healthcare where he wants to go? What’s it like for old age care? As you won’t have children nearby to help you for the period when you need a bit of a help, you need to assume paid carers and going into care homes a few years earlier than you would in the uk with your kids popping in to help out- are there care homes? How much?

Pensions - will your uk state pension be frozen, so assume you need to live off private pensions/investments, do you have enough given you’ll probably have to pay privately for healthcare /social care.

But ultimately, you don’t want to live on a different continent to your dcs so if he wants to do this, fine you will have to start sorting a divorce because you don’t want to be and he will know how much he’s got to work with. Be clear you don’t think it’s reasonable for him to go off, spend all his money then in 10-15 years come back and expect one of his dcs to put him up.

MaxTalk · 18/08/2025 08:02

REDB99 · 18/08/2025 07:41

Hurry up and go then, people living in any country have likes and dislikes about it. I love living in Britain, I love the countryside, I love the people, my DD goes to an amazing state school and will go to a great secondary after that. I have family and friends. I have a good job, a pension, the NHS have been there when I’ve needed it. I have savings.

All these people moaning about the country need to put their money where their mouth is, leave, be proactive instead of moaning about it. More likely you’ll still be here in a year carrying on with your moaning.

Show quote history

Exactly this. Go and be an immigrant elsewhere... ;)

People have been drinking the Nigel Farage playbook a bit too much.

It's also got nothing to do with "left" and "right". In many ways it's left leaning people who are more upset about it.

There's plenty of jobs and opportunity in the UK if you want it.

Beammeupscotty2025 · 18/08/2025 08:19

Your DH has made his mind up on how he wants to live the rest of his life. Like you say he is open to you being a part of it but he’s not willing to compromise. It’s your choice how you want to live your life.

TizerorFizz · 18/08/2025 08:20

@hnwis I have dc - now in their 30s. I’ve been available to them from age 0 to now. They both went to university and have their own lives but we support each other and are there for each other when necessary but this doesn’t involve an 8 hour flight to see us for the weekend. We see each other for many reasons and I would not abandon them. If you really think dc will appreciate a long distance 100% exodus by parents, I think you are wrong. They like what they are used to. There’s no switch that gets flicked off at age 18 or 21 in terms of wanting a hug or a chat.

Business woes seem a bit over dramatic. What money has he got to be going abroad and doing very little? Who does next to nothing without substantial savings? Good luck with the latest “pivot”! The word du jour. He just needs to be better at running a business. He could even get a job!