DH wants to leave UK

[hnwis]

We've been married 20 yrs & as kids become grown up I always thought we’d want the same things in later life. It seems not. He’s adamant he wants out of this country- largely because has his own biz which has taken a battering since covid & he’s convinced this country is over, not just economically but socially too… now I wouldn’t mind a couple of months a year away, but he wants to move a long way away, forever! He’s serious. And it seems he is not bothered enough about what I may want to hold him back! I get it. We all have one life. But I thought ours was together. Now I’m
not so sure & feel like we’re just treading water until he can make his dream come true. It’s fair to say our relationship isn’t perfect.. but it’s not awful, just a typical 20 yr marriage I think, we have both changed a lot since we fell in love & bought up a family. I don’t think it’s a mid life crisis as such beyond the fact he doesn’t want to ‘settle’ in life.. Has anyone been in a similar situation? He doesn’t want to compromise & live half/half.. & he knows I feel strongly about staying here for family, friends & actually I like this country!! So I can’t help but feel he’s making a decision about our marriage here by being so adamant.

Rubbish @MrsSkylerWhite Not being willing to be a trailing spouse and live in places of their choosing doesn’t mean that.

So do I love the country. I despair at what it has become . So very woke and so very fucking depressing. And no one is allowed to say bugger all because they get accused of all sorts.
A bit like yourself .

Oh lovely, another UK bashing thread. 🙄 I need a group of shot glasses!

I know you're not bashing it @hnwis but your DH clearly is, and so are the 'I must bash the UK' posters on here (who always run like the wind to berate the UK on this type of thread!) with comments like 'The UK is FUCKED!' Ya know, the same posters who WILL. NEVER. LEAVE. THE. UK.

Re; your DH, this would be a dealbreaker for me, because whilst I do love travelling, there's no way in hell I would leave the UK. He would be going on his own.

How - and why on earth people think they are going to have some Utopian, blissful, wonderful, carefree life in another country just baffles me. You will still be working, still paying taxes, paying a mortgage or rent, possibly paying for your child's education, paying for childcare, paying for healthcare in most countries, and facing people who do NOT want you there.

It will be no different to living in the UK, (and will likely not be better,) and you may pay higher taxes, struggle to pay medical bills, and not have a very prosperous old age, because their pension schemes may not be very good.

Oh, and the hilarity of some people thinking that they can just pick their country of choice to move to, and they can just go, pick a house, pick a job, and everything will be tickety boo! Your country of choice might not want you mate!

100% this! ^

I haven’t accused you of anything! I’ve simply pointed out that you’re moaning but are 99.9% unlikely to actually leave!

Send me a message of where you’re living in a few months time, hopefully you’ll have the courage of your convictions and leave the UK!

For what it's worth I agree with him and am emigrating myself next year, but I'm taking my kid with me and my parents live in the country to which we are moving. Can't blame him for wanting to leave the UK though!

The UK is a big place...

And yes, illegal immigration is a problem. Is it really in the top 5 of the UK's issues? No.

Do people get all hot and bothered about it? Yes.

Is it stoked up by the gutter press? Yes.

Does this negative rhetoric adversely impact the lives of legal immigrants who keep the UK turning? Yes.

This in spades. ^ As I said though, these whingers will never leave, because when push comes to shove, they know where they're well off. The UK bashers just make me like >>> 🙄 As you say, go then. Just flounce. Why make a song and a dance of it?! Just leave the UK if it's THAT bad! See if any other country is better! That's if your country of choice even wants you! 🤔

Just let him crack on, making it clear you won’t be leaving.

Oh op you need to go between uk and husbands choice am afraid, yea sounds amazing doesn't it but in reality I think you will struggle, you need your base here so you can return easily, so faraway op and flight's aren't cheap by not means, when I mentioned before on Europe as flight's can be so cheap if children or you need to get back home and you could go home as many times as you like op,

We too had this idea op but for Europe, we did 3 monthly rentals nice homes to to give us a feel for the place, and yes sunshine, lovely people, but in all honesty we were constantly in holiday mode, I missed our children and gc so they would pop out to see us again holiday mode as the children were on holiday,

Am older than you but find my social battery isn't how it was 20 years ago, so I like my own company basically, not really interested in joining community groups but really most people are on holiday weather a month or two so you don't feel like you live there as you have that holiday mode thing going on,

Honestly after nearly two years of do this in different places I can now say that am happy to visit and stay a while but will always return to UK as and when, and having the children to pop in and out is a big bonus op,

Having lived in several other countries, I can assure you that there are better places out there. It's a big wide world 🌍

I think people who say what you've posted have never actually lived anywhere else. Living in the UK is akin to the Truman show where you don't realise there's anything wrong because you're in the actual show.

It’s not that simple - we’re working out things that are quite frankly, none of your business. Like I am going to post a picture of my new home and destination to a stranger on the internet .
I don’t want to leave. But the country has sadly gone to pot.
This is why the UK is as inciting as it is ; so many advantages and free schools/ healthcare/ homes . What’s not to like .

You go to any other country in the world and you won’t get what’s on offer here. Fact.

You are entitled to your opinion, as am I . You have a great job, great pension, NHS, great schools. Likewise.
As for the countryside that’s absolutely beautiful; enjoy it whilst you can. Under this government and Raynor at the helm, it won’t be as it is for much more. It won’t exist .
I could go on and on.
I don’t know if you have generations of family from this country - but if you have as I do surely you can see it is not the place we grew up in.

I fear for my children. Their futures in the UK. And I’m quite devastated about it to be honest.
So, no, I’m not ‘ moaning’ I’m just stating facts.
It’s gone to pot.
And likely to get much worse.
So you do you . And I’ll do me.

I dont think the poster was saying you had accused them of anything

I think they were making a general point that they believe that if one says anything derogatory about the country or people coming into the country 'you get accused of all sorts'.

Why does every thread descend into a row?!
thanks for all input / advice / experience.. I’ll let you know how it plays out for us!

If you do go keep a base in the UK that’s what we’ve done throughout the years. Plus DC still has a UK home.

So you want to be the immigrants somewhere else?
People in other countries complain about immigrants too.

Many X British colonies are seeing influx from UK and they are often resented.
Some people see them as 'entitled' immigrants who think they can get top jobs and housing. Many locals get pushed out the market.
Most immigrants move in the hope of a better lifestyle, better job, more money and in some case for less tax. This causes resentment overseas as much as it does in the UK.
Like immigrants the world over they seek out some one from home and end up living in expat enclaves. This can be seen as a failure to integrate and leads to misunderstanding of the new countries laws and culture. The failure to learn the local languages of the country of choice is seen as rude

Sometimes the grass is greener elsewhere until something goes wrong. Climate disaster, epidemic, regime change, civil war lack of medical facilities or committing a crime ( may not be a big crime in UK. The all of a sudden people who have abandoned the country, no longer pay tax in the country need the help of the UK. They demand that the UK Government get them back to blighty!
This costs the British tax payer a lot of money.

Well let's see, part of the reason for leaving will be problems caused by high immigration to the UK.
I'm not saying that high immigration isn't a problem, but the solution to the problem surely isn't becoming an immigrant and causing the same problem in someone else's country, is it?

Could you go and try it for a bit, say, a year, renting your house in the UK out? I think he's viewing everything through rose-tinted glasses and the reality might be really different.

I've lived all over the world and there is no nirvana. Every country has its problems.
If you can't agree you may have to split. There are two people in a marriage not just him and what he wants.

No other country has the NHS. People have to have insurance. We have some of the best education in the world. We have a temperate climate - many other countries are very hot now. We have cheaper housing in some areas but aren’t alone in having expensive cities.

No other country has the same sport, pubs, and landscape. Others are of course fantastic in many ways but I value what is here above anywhere else and that’s family and friends. They are not elsewhere and my DDs would never have left their friends either. People don’t value what they have - grass is always greener - until it’s burning.

The uk really, really isn’t a big place 🙄🙄🙄

We also dole out hand outs in Money , offer free homes to people… I could go on.

No one else does that in the world .

My dh is also in property op, paid astronomical taxes and wants to leave money to the kids, not taxed on it again when he dies. He’d love to up and leave but knows I want to be around for my future grandchildren.

I’ve agreed that I’ll move for a few years, regularly coming back, then move back home for good when the time is right. If he tried to dictate my future we wouldn’t have one.

This is such bullshit! Refugees are not “given everything” in the UK. There are a variety of international conventions which (formerly) civilized countries signed on to which try to prescribe and fund semi humane treatment for some classes of refugees fleeing some classes of violence or oppression. OP’s husband would be what’s called sn “economic migrant” not an asylum seeker so he would be entitled to whatever programs his dreamed of host country could afford.

He dreams of going to a tourist destination and taking advantage of the local labour force, while leveraging what he thinks is his economic advantage selling up his first world business. Why doesn’t he try to fleeing to Russia as a real refugee? I hear they are offering bonuses to those who sign up for the military.

@MrsVino Of course they do! Look at how many migrants have arrived in Germany! Many countries take people in. Not sure I find the immigrant hostels a leg up personally. Spain, Italy and France all take migrants. You are utterly deluded if you think we are alone in this. I’d say- get your own life sorted out.