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Original poster

What would you do?

83 replies

Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 09:42

I’ve recently found on that the guy I’ve been chatting to has a long term girlfriend.

I had arranged to meet up with him next week. Obviously, I’m not going to go.

I have not told him that I know he has a girlfriend or that I wont be going next week. He thinks all is fine I also know who his girlfriend is, although I don’t know her personally.

What would you do in this situation? Would you confront him/tell her/just move on/or something else?

OP posts:
MamaElephantMama · 17/08/2025 09:45

Why have you continued to talk to him? Something tells me you will keep chatting and meet up.

Stop talking, block him and find somebody that’s single.

Original poster
Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 09:46

MamaElephantMama · 17/08/2025 09:45

Why have you continued to talk to him? Something tells me you will keep chatting and meet up.

Stop talking, block him and find somebody that’s single.

I haven’t continued to chat to him.

i only found out on Friday and I have not been in touch with him since.

OP posts:
highlandsrock · 17/08/2025 09:47

I would disappear completely and ghost. Block and delete. Let him wonder whether you found out about his gf or not. Take control. You don't owe him anything.

MamaElephantMama · 17/08/2025 09:48

Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 09:46

I haven’t continued to chat to him.

i only found out on Friday and I have not been in touch with him since.

Show quote history

Your post made it sound like you were still in contact with him.

Original poster
Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 09:49

highlandsrock · 17/08/2025 09:47

I would disappear completely and ghost. Block and delete. Let him wonder whether you found out about his gf or not. Take control. You don't owe him anything.

Thank you. This is what I was thinking of doing.

I just wasn’t sure whether to tell him I knew beforehand. I guess it doesn’t really make a difference either way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 09:49

MamaElephantMama · 17/08/2025 09:48

Your post made it sound like you were still in contact with him.

Show quote history

no, I haven’t been in touch with him since. Just wasn’t sure what to do next.

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 17/08/2025 09:51

How do you know her? Is it mutual friends? In that case I’s let them know in some way. If it is professionally, Id just ghost and walk away.

Original poster
Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 09:52

DorothyStorm · 17/08/2025 09:51

How do you know her? Is it mutual friends? In that case I’s let them know in some way. If it is professionally, Id just ghost and walk away.

I don’t know her at all. She was tagged in a picture but she’s a total stranger to me.

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 17/08/2025 10:00

Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 09:52

I don’t know her at all. She was tagged in a picture but she’s a total stranger to me.

Show quote history

How do you know she is a long term girlfriend?

BreezyPeachGoose · 17/08/2025 10:03

Arrange for his GF & you to be sat there having a coffee together when he arrives for your date 😇

Original poster
Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 10:07

BreezyPeachGoose · 17/08/2025 10:03

Arrange for his GF & you to be sat there having a coffee together when he arrives for your date 😇

Haha! I love this. If only I had the guts.

one part of me wants her to know what sort of man she is in a relationship with but I know it’s not really place to tell her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 10:08

DorothyStorm · 17/08/2025 10:00

How do you know she is a long term girlfriend?

Show quote history

Pictures I’ve now seen (going back years) & I guess I had a gut feeling (although he said he was single)

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 17/08/2025 10:13

Just ask him. You’ve seen pictures of him with a girl, are you 100% sure it’s not a friend or relative? Don’t mess about with games just straight out ask him do you have a girlfriend.

Original poster
Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 10:16

Coconutter24 · 17/08/2025 10:13

Just ask him. You’ve seen pictures of him with a girl, are you 100% sure it’s not a friend or relative? Don’t mess about with games just straight out ask him do you have a girlfriend.

Definitely not a friend or relative judging by the pics/comments on the pics.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 17/08/2025 10:42

Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 10:16

Definitely not a friend or relative judging by the pics/comments on the pics.

Show quote history

I would still just ask him out right. Plus if she is a long term girlfriend and he knows you know it will (or should) cause him some stress/fear of not knowing what your going to do

Original poster
Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 10:48

Coconutter24 · 17/08/2025 10:42

I would still just ask him out right. Plus if she is a long term girlfriend and he knows you know it will (or should) cause him some stress/fear of not knowing what your going to do

Show quote history

Thank you.
i don’t really know what to do. I saw the pics in a rather sneaky way (shall we say) so it’ll be hard to tell him I know, without revealing I’ve been a bit sneaky (which is so ironic!)

He may already suspect I know anyway if I ghost him.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 17/08/2025 12:19

Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 10:48

Thank you.
i don’t really know what to do. I saw the pics in a rather sneaky way (shall we say) so it’ll be hard to tell him I know, without revealing I’ve been a bit sneaky (which is so ironic!)

He may already suspect I know anyway if I ghost him.

Show quote history

It doesn’t matter if you found out in a sneaky way, he’s the one in the wrong so you don’t owe any explanations of how you found out, the point is you found out so he’s the one that should explain himself

Nosdacariad · 17/08/2025 12:49

I think she has a right to know so I like the both showing up for the date thing.

Also I am sorry he has shown so little respect for you or her.

cosmicbabe · 17/08/2025 12:51

I would want to know if I was the GF

MounjaroMounjaro · 17/08/2025 12:52

I'd just reply, "No, I'm not going to meet up. I don't think "G/F" would like that, do you?"

angelco · 17/08/2025 12:54

DorothyStorm · 17/08/2025 09:51

How do you know her? Is it mutual friends? In that case I’s let them know in some way. If it is professionally, Id just ghost and walk away.

She wrote a misleading post basically saying she didn’t know whether to continue it or not in my view. I would personally tell her what’s going on with evidence and block him. It’s not rocket science

angelco · 17/08/2025 12:55

Not your place to tell her yet you’re the one conversing and planning to meet her man but no of course it isn’t your place to tell her now you’ve found out about her. He won’t tell her he won’t meet you he’ll just move on to the next one and hope she don’t find out he has a girlfriend

Arlanymor · 17/08/2025 12:55

This is one of those 'how would I feel if it were me' situations. I would always rather know. When my ex-husband was cheating a work colleague told me and I was so grateful.

Original poster
Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 13:12

angelco · 17/08/2025 12:55

Not your place to tell her yet you’re the one conversing and planning to meet her man but no of course it isn’t your place to tell her now you’ve found out about her. He won’t tell her he won’t meet you he’ll just move on to the next one and hope she don’t find out he has a girlfriend

I don’t know what you mean ?
up until Friday morning, I thought he was single. That’s what he told me. I’ve not spoken to him
since & have no intention meeting him.

So no, I’m not chatting to or planning to meet up with “her man” at all!
i am trying to decide whether to tell her or just disappear.

Im sure some people on here intentionally look for a reason to have a go. Any reason will do it seems 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoolah29 · 17/08/2025 13:14

Arlanymor · 17/08/2025 12:55

This is one of those 'how would I feel if it were me' situations. I would always rather know. When my ex-husband was cheating a work colleague told me and I was so grateful.

Yes that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, thinking what would I do if I were the girlfriend.
The same thing happened to me many years ago & I was also glad I was told but I know that some people mightn’t welcome it 😕

OP posts:
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