Page 4 | What would you do?

Hoolah29 · 2025-08-17T08:42:37+00:00

I’ve recently found on that the guy I’ve been chatting to has a long term girlfriend. I had arranged to meet up with him next week. Obviously, I’m not going to go. I have not told him that I know he has a girlfriend or that I wont be going next week. He thinks all is fine I also know who his girlfriend is, although I don’t know her personally. What would you do in this situation? Would you confront him/tell her/just move on/or something else?

Original poster

Hoolah29 · 18/08/2025 20:32

Elixir86 · 18/08/2025 19:45

At this point you just need to make a call of what feels right to you.
I'd never tell him first though, if he is being unfaithful this just gives him time to plant the seeds to cover himself.
You either say nothing, block and move on. Or politely say to the girlfriend and go from there.
Once you decide and do whatever it is, you'll feel less sick about it.
She'll either believe you or won't, but that's her choice.

I remember when I started online dating. I was separated (10 months) but still living with my ex. I knew he was on dating sites as I'd seen him, but wasn't going to say I was.
During swiping I saw one of his friends who was partnered up. I freaked out. But messaged her saying a friend had been online dating and I'd seen her partner on there and wanted to reach out and say.
I didn't want to admit it was my profile that had been swiping 😬.
She politely responded saying thanks for getting in touch, but they are actually in an open set up, they just don't tell people.

I think people only snap back if they don't want to believe what they are being told as its easier getting annoyed and blaming the person than looking for the truth. If they aren't a thing or it's open then she'll be chilled about it.

I appear to message a lot of people about possible cheating it seems!

I am just sitting on it for now. Ive still no idea what im going to do.

I will definitely not be telling him either way.
it might be an open set up, but I doubt it as she just doesn’t seem that sort of person - not that you can really tell from photos!

I will come back & update once I’ve made a decision.

Thank you to everyone who’s given advice. It’s given me a lot to think about x

OP posts:

dollyblue01 · 25/08/2025 13:32

What did you end up doing ?

Original poster

Hoolah29 · 25/08/2025 18:37

dollyblue01 · 25/08/2025 13:32

What did you end up doing ?

I confronted him about it after he kept messaging me trying to arrange to meet up.
He denied it & blew up at me. That in itself was an admission of guilt in my eyes. He was very nasty & was guilt tripping me etc.

That’s how it was left & I still don’t know what to do about telling his girlfriend!

OP posts:

Missj25 · 25/08/2025 20:29

Hoolah29 · 25/08/2025 18:37

I confronted him about it after he kept messaging me trying to arrange to meet up.
He denied it & blew up at me. That in itself was an admission of guilt in my eyes. He was very nasty & was guilt tripping me etc.

That’s how it was left & I still don’t know what to do about telling his girlfriend!

Show quote history

Leave it now ..
Block him , forget him & his gf ..
Only drawing him on you ..

Elixir86 · 26/08/2025 13:37

If it is his partner then he's covered his bases with her at this point as its given him the heads up.
He'll have told her that there's this female who's been hounding him etc and has gone weird because he's said he isn't available.
It's not worth saying anything to her now so I'd just block and move on.

Always worth going to the girlfriend first, doesn't give them the chance to have an alibi in play.

Original poster

Hoolah29 · 26/08/2025 13:50

Elixir86 · 26/08/2025 13:37

If it is his partner then he's covered his bases with her at this point as its given him the heads up.
He'll have told her that there's this female who's been hounding him etc and has gone weird because he's said he isn't available.
It's not worth saying anything to her now so I'd just block and move on.

Always worth going to the girlfriend first, doesn't give them the chance to have an alibi in play.

I get that but I really don’t think he’s said anything to her as he’s still texting me after repeatedly denying he has a girlfriend so im not sure how he’d explain that to her.

He’s been the one doing all the running & persistently asking me to meet up with him so again not sure how he’d explain that either.
I had to ask him to get either an admission or complete denial. The fact he denied it makes it even worse for him I think.

OP posts:

Elixir86 · 26/08/2025 14:13

If he is in a relationship with her then I can't imagine he won't have. Seeds could be subtle but he'd be laying some ground work slyly into conversation.
No way he'd risk it as he knows you know.
You'd be suprised what they can explain away, it's how they get away with it time and again.

Either that or he isn't in a relationship with them at all.

Original poster

Hoolah29 · 26/08/2025 14:23

Elixir86 · 26/08/2025 14:13

If he is in a relationship with her then I can't imagine he won't have. Seeds could be subtle but he'd be laying some ground work slyly into conversation.
No way he'd risk it as he knows you know.
You'd be suprised what they can explain away, it's how they get away with it time and again.

Either that or he isn't in a relationship with them at all.

I I think that is where I am having some doubts. I am not 100% sure. Although I am about 98% sure he is in a relationship with her.

I just don’t think he would say anything because he wouldn’t want to draw attention to himself as then it’d open up questions from her such as how he knew me/where I got his number from etc.

If I was her, I would want to see the messages. There is absolutely no way he could say from those messages that I was hassling him, more like the other way around.

he has no idea that I know who she is. So I really don’t think he would suspect that I would tell her. If I do contact her and tell her and even if she doesn’t believe me, I hope that it will still make her doubt what (if anything) he has told her and press the matter further with him.

OP posts: