Can my marriage be saved.

[hewswho]

Married 7 years, together 14, 2 kids (one high needs autism) we've grown apart so much it feels like we are in the 'housemates' phase. I think a lot of this is down to me, I've massively backed off over the last 18 months due to DH very high sex drive and due to birth injury after dc2 I've had absolutely no sex drive. I do still have sex etc with DH but it is usually always for him which I think he's picking up on.

Another big issue I have is how often he talks about sex, and the type of sex he wants..it's very 'porn' style with slapping, spitting etc really not my thing. He would never force it on me but when you hear someone constantly going on about it it's almost had the opposite effect on me and really turned me off! I honestly feel like a piece of meat sometimes as other than the sex chat he's very quiet and isn't really a talker, I've told him that perhaps if we chatted, laughed and just connected in that way it may lead to me feeling closer and wanting to have more of a physical relationship but he just says he's not really talkative (was when we first met but very stressful job has just zapped the life out of him) he also complains I put the kids before him and have become very 'mumsy' probably because I don't want wild sex but honestly I'm shattered dc2 is high needs, non verbal, doesn't sleep, specialist school, it's just been a lot and I feel like a shell of the person I used to be.

I feel like I know the answer but can we save this and get back to a good place? DH is a good fair man, he takes good care of us all and is reliable and honest but I don't know how much longer we can keep going. I think he would stick it out as long as I keep giving him sex although he says it's not enough as he needs more.

I don't want to break my family up over this but what can I do, it's all I think about.

Oh OP you don't deserve to be treated like this. What a horrible man. You only get one life, stop wasting yours on servicing this awful awful person. Your life will still be tough but you won't have someone degrading you every day.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you can be strong and leave - no one, no one, deserves to be spat on. That is absolutely vile.

Same here. I have DSs - and if I thought they were pressuring a partner in this way I’d bollock the living daylights out of them.

I think I’m like most women - I don’t want to be slapped or spat on. What the hell is wrong with these men?

To OP’s H - stop it with the gaslighting. Most women do not want to be treated like this. Show your wife some respect.

I really feel for you♥️. It's not your fault! He is a man, but even that isn't an excuse! Today is so messed up, people are being fed lies, brainwashed, conditioned to not be the normal man and woman. Being a Christian you know satan runs everything& porn is just a way to break up families,, decency & god's intention..

He is thinking sex you are thinking love. That's how it goes. The porn needs to stop to rebuild things back.. And he knows you and he knows, spitting etc isn't love and isn't right and more importantly, that isn't you, what you want or how he should be treating you..

You need to put him straight and tell him enough!

He needs to commit to giving up porn and rebuilding a normal sexual relationship. Otherwise I think it’s over. So many men ruined by pornography, it’s as pernicious as drugs and alcohol.

Well don't then. Sex is never compulsory, whatever your relationship. He's not even treating you like a human being. He hits and abuses you. Leave him, ring Women's aid and plan your escape. Report him to the police. You only get one life.

I tell you, pornography is ruining society. Breaks down relationships and families.
Its disgusting and perverted and turns people into horrible creatures all in the name of art and “strong women “ bullshit.
I bet they wouldn’t do it for free.
Sorry it’s changed your husband so much xx

Get rid. He is an abusive porn addicted twat.

Don't stay in that situation because of what family might think, or "for the sake of the children".

I am sure your children would not want their mum being slapped and spat on.

They will be internalising this behaviour on some level even if you think they aren't aware.

Your ‘D’H sounds disgusting.

The tings I always told my children and tell my GC is that I judge people on whether they are kind and nothing else matters - does your man pass this test?

Tings? - thing.

Omg this - nothing to be scared about being single, she already is! I know that feeling....Child with high needs is super hard job. Unfortunately, most of the people around have no clue what you're going through...

You might feel like having sex again if you weren’t being spat on and slapped.
Honestly you need to leave. People have forgotten that sex should primarily be about love and expressing love. Which is sad.

This thread is a few months old. How are you doing @hewswho ?

I can tell you OP if a man wanted to spit on and slap me he would be out of the door before his feet touched the ground and wouldnt be allowed back until he had had extensive therapy and even then probably not.
You do not have to put up with this revolting behaviour.
I ejected my exH for trying to pressurise me to go to swinging and fetish clubs. I did not sign up for that.