Is it ever a good idea to call out a man who used you

[Liftmyselfupagain]

Basically that.

Friends on and off for a few years, special bond blaa blaa, a sketchy platonic situation ship.

He chased and chased for the last month or so, I gave in and puff he’s gone and it’s weird. WTF. I am furious with myself.

I don’t want revenge but honestly to just let someone slip away like that.

Don’t ever chase him to tell him that he hurt you. He wanted to hurt you or he wouldn’t have gone about it that way. He’s the problem and he’ll never find true connection or love if he treats people with such distain. Write down what you want to say and burn it. If he ever reappears ignore him. If he apologises — say your piece and walk away. Take back control from the man who did not deserve you. Letting him know you care just makes him think he’s Billy big bollocks. He needs to know he’s someone inconsequential with poor morals.

Honestly I don’t know.
I had this exact situation but it was a work colleague I still had to see.
when he dropped me after we slept together 4 months after he started leading me on I played it cool.
but a few months later when we’d been on the same work night out and he didn’t speak to me i absolutely tore him a new one verbally later on over text and told him exactly what I thought of him.
sometimes I regret it but more often I don’t. He’s a shit .

What does “call out” actually mean in this situation? He already knows how everything went down.

I think you’d do far better for yourself and your own happiness by blocking his number and reflecting on why you carried on with a weird situationship which didn’t make you happy for so many years, and why you “gave in” to being pursued for a relationship you didn’t want. What was it which stopped you from saying “John, leave off, I don’t want to date you.”?

Thanks girls.

I am so furious with him and me, he charmed me all over again like a fool.

Hard to perceive kindness as kindness and not out and out manipulation. It’s creepy.

and yes like an idiot I am gutted I lose his company.

Totally agree.

Clearly I have some abandonment issues. Wasn’t aware of this before he came along.

The whole thing makes me feel so lonely.

Of course I wanted it (idiot me). I lived hanging out with him. That’s the problem. But this nasty selfish side, it was so covert.

Not nice for you. Disappointing and frustrating.

Unfortunately though : I'd chalk this up to experience and just use it as a life lesson in some types of men and their games.

I'd imagine most of us have been on the receiving end of it at some point.

I think if you say anything to him you're only showing him that he's hurt you. Sadly I doubt he'll care.

Id hold your head up high and blank him nonchalantly. It'd probably give you satisfaction to say something, but I don't think you'll achieve much by doing so. Sorry you were treated like that. As I say, I think many many of us have had that happen.

It went on for so long. Didn’t speak to him for six months this year until now, knocked him back at Christmas (didnt want to but didn’t trust him). I don’t know how not to think of him.

I think if it was a random I absolutely wouldn’t but in my case the work collage and I had been friends for around 10 years before he mucked me about.

I think this is it. Friends for three years.

Or ‘friends’ should I say.

Don’t ever give him the satisfaction of thinking he has power over you. Say nothing and limit contact. If he knows he’s living rent free in your head that gives him the chance to manipulate you again. When he fancies and on his terms. Don’t let him.
I had to leave someone similar who was only ever going to be a situationship despite many promises otherwise. I doubt he gave me a second thought. That helped me to heal and stop ruminating over what happened.
Get your satisfaction from moving on and being happy without him in your life.

No. You are feeling upset and used. I would not give him the satisfaction of knowing that I felt hurt, upset and used.

I'd simply ignore him and if our paths crossed again be very distant. He's a twat, but I'd be focusing on being thankful that I hadn't wasted any more of my time or life on someone this shallow and pathetic.

Thanks ladies, I can already feel the amount of time I’ve wasted, I tried hard to remain distant and arms length but the guy managed to press every joy button and just had a way. I don’t think he’s a bad bloke, he’s very kind and thoughtful and very interesting but said himself his indecision in life drives him mad. He reflected a lot of me which was so nice, and I felt myself and alive with him. You know when someone just feels so familiar, it’s so hard to let that go.

Were you romantically interested in him before? You've had a weird what you even described as a "sketchy situationship".

He's allowed to lose romantic interest. He's allowed to stop a friendship or romantic relationship. Haven't you ever had sex that made you want to back off someone? That the vibes weren't just there to keep on? Would you rather he just said flat out I don't think we connect in a sexual way?

It just didn't go the way you seemed to want. I don't think calling him out will do one thing. Stop giving him room in your head and move on.

Yes that’s the one thing that is giving me some grounding. Clearly if it was nothing by now it never would be and I’d be caught up even longer in a nonsense situation.

It hurts to think it was all a game for him to feel good, when he dressed it up as caring and thoughtful 99% of the time.

preceding this was a very emotionally distant and isolating marriage - he was like rocket fuel and it helped me see the world again.

I am taking this so personally that it’s just knocked my sense of what’s possible in life in a way without sounding dramatic.

Yes it was but cause of a sort of shadiness I kept him at arms length. He’d organise romantic gestures and organise things I love under the guise of hanging out - always sort of physically close and intimate in what we chatted about which made it confusing, I guess he’s just one of those emotionally unavailable guys. But then wouldn’t let me go.

It basically wasn’t going anyway but kept going. And I just don’t know why he bothered. And why I wasn’t strong enough to just cut completely.

I thought the break of six months of catching up earlier this year would just reestablish a more straight friendship (which I really enjoyed) but he pushed and jumped and I went along for an evening (happily in the moment). I don’t know. I guess I just feel he wasn’t fully open and that he was hiding something or couldn’t just say what he was thinking.

Sketchy I think cause we were both wary and I had a feeling he wasn’t straightforward in that way.

Quite often, men who are in the friend zone, will resent it and work so hard to sleep with you then treat you like shite

Sorry, yanbu to tear him a new one x

So you knew he wasn't emotionally honest, but you kept hanging out with him hoping for something more from him.

He didn't put himself out there pursuing you, but played the game enough to keep you on a string in case.

I think you'd be best off blocking him everywhere and just move on. Don't keep him in your head.

Ove had one of those. Outwardly we're still friends, although we both know we're not.

TBH I think the fact that I'm decidedly unbothered by it all (or at least appear so) gets to him. Giving him what for would show I cared, and that's what he was aiming for.

That’s interesting. Yes I pushed back as he just wasn’t transparent enough, fine for friendship but not enough to open up to him and trust in that way. There was fleeting intimacy and there certainly was chemistry.

I may have fucked up really.

Last week something happened and I sense such distant from him the following day and he said as much. Then the next day he asked to catch up again and I said I suspect he had something going out and that maybe us getting together that week shouldn’t add to it and he ghosted.

Yes. This - not emotionally honest. But cleverly in every single other way close to perfect.

I think he knows I’d care. Wish I’d been more aloof.