Is it ever a good idea to call out a man who used you

[Liftmyselfupagain]

Basically that.

Friends on and off for a few years, special bond blaa blaa, a sketchy platonic situation ship.

He chased and chased for the last month or so, I gave in and puff he’s gone and it’s weird. WTF. I am furious with myself.

I don’t want revenge but honestly to just let someone slip away like that.

It’s sad, but there is a part of me deep down, I think that wanted him to choose me. Eugh.

Yes, well, I said to a friend about mine, ‘he could have just used his words*’, and she said, ‘could he have, though?’
*And I know some people hate that phrase, but that exchange summed it up. If he could have said what he wanted or didn’t want, it would have been easier, but he did not or could not. So it is about making peace with that. You cannot change a person, that is the other thing I found helpful to remember and actually, I would not want to do that either.

That’s not sad. It shows that you have love to give and in time, you will find and be able to give that to someone who wants to give it back.

Thank you yes this is so true and I have the same feeling. I wouldn’t want to change anyone either.

On his terms, that was it.

Some people want what they can’t have and love the thrill of the chase .. once they get it it’s game over .. let it go .. it hurts .. but personally I wouldn’t tell him .. I’d block and move on because realistically he was not “your friend” .. he had an agenda .. achieved it .. and moved on .. the world is full of people who will enjoy and appreciate your company more and bring real value to your life ..

as Bob Marley said "The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her."
its shitty when someone has chased you only to drop you when they get what they want ..he does t seat e you to waste anymore time thought or energy on him

“Doesn’t deserve” mn won’t let me edit

I have seen this quote and it is so true. Thanks. That’s it really, the cowardice is the fact that it’s all about them.

If there was anything I would send him it would be this quote on its own. I won’t of course. But I know he would be arrested the the succinct truth and honesty of it. And I don’t think I would have any shame in saying it too. As it sums it all up for me.

On another note, you do think god maybe I’m shit in bed, but it didn’t come across that way at all!!!! Grrrrr.

of that he’s got a hotter option

okay, so mine said to me ‘it’s not you, it’s me’
Cliche but when I told my friend this, she was like, ‘yes in this case, it really is him’.

And it was the emotional aspects, not the physical on either side.

So don’t go down that path of self-doubt.

Thanks for the encouragement. If it follows the same pattern he’ll reach out. I have in the past and I won’t this time. It feels different this time.

wish I’d never met him.

If you show you're bothered it will only inflate his ego further.

Calling him out on it will serve no purpose, it mostly likely won't change how you feel. It won't make him think twice about his behaviour either.

Very much so. Agree 100%

The very best thing you can do is radio silence. I was taught this on a “handling difficult/ low-level bastards in the workplace” course and it’s probably the most valuable CPD I’ve ever done. Nothing says ‘you are a really bad person’ like cutting them off dead.

I hear you x

Also, you are clearly prone to seeing the very best in people, and thinking if only you could talk it through you’d come to a mutual understanding. Some people are selfish, careless knobheads and what might well happen in “one last chat” is that you think, “ah, they have some insight and humility after all! I was worth talking it over with!”. Sometimes the best thing to do for yourself and your own boundaries is to realise they’re just no good and that you should have no time for their flowery relationship exit nonsense.

I tend to agree, it was an exchange.

Op it never really was a relationship or a friendship, it has been a continuous flirtation where both of you enjoyed the frisson.

Maybe neither of you were fully available to make it real.

If a guy likes you you will know within months whether it's lasting, real and honest, he will want to be by your side in life, being in situationships as you age gives men all the excuses they need to play women, the excuses, the responsibilities, the commitments, so many excuses to prolong a chase and kill.

I've done both approaches, looking back, staying quiet felt better in retrospect. The thing is though, they always end up pursuing again. So if you did want to say something. That's when I'd serve it up.

The wisdom here is magic thank you.

the continuous flirtation yes I think you are correct.

Ignore him. And if he comes back because that tantalises him, for goodness sake don’t be taken in.

It’s true that the rubbish ones keep circling back … but this is a sign they aren’t keepers. Why are they still fishing around years later? It’s because they haven’t found a satisfying, monogamous relationship and they fancy a shag, or need to make themselves feel better about their romantic prospects.
Until I was about 45 I was definitely of the ‘let’s meet and talk about it’ school of thought. In the last 10 years I’ve completely changed my view on these same dudes. Now I just can’t be arsed. I still get the ‘love to stay in touch’ emails but nah. Cannot be arsed. Most often they aren’t seeking genuine reconciliation but an ego boost or to soothe their guilty conscience.

Eh didn’t expect a message. Got one this evening. Don’t know what to reply now or at all.

Asking me to meet up

I’d like to say something succinct and ambiguous - to mirror him.

Ignore him OP.
Be strong! You can do this!
You don't deserve to be treated like a convenient play thing.