Is it ever a good idea to call out a man who used you

[Liftmyselfupagain]

Basically that.

Friends on and off for a few years, special bond blaa blaa, a sketchy platonic situation ship.

He chased and chased for the last month or so, I gave in and puff he’s gone and it’s weird. WTF. I am furious with myself.

I don’t want revenge but honestly to just let someone slip away like that.

What did the message say?

I do think it sounded like he tried to initiate a meet up and you rejected him initially so despite my first comment now you have clarified this I would be more open to a discussion

Ah thanks that really kind you thought about it.

He just wanted to go for a dip in the sea, which could be a dip in the sea or a dip and a hot cuppa in his house afterwards etc… it usually means both, last week I had the cuppa and then this all happened. He just won’t talk or be straightforward.

Would this include rape?

What?

(I do not know what the weird comment about rape was… but)

be really careful about breadcrumbing and the “narcissistic hoover”.

This guy sound like he fits the bill.

Knows how to talk the emotional talk but not walk the emotional walk :(

The other thing I think here is that you are doing the clasic tortured emotional labour. You’re stewing about whether to respond to him wanting to meet up.

Ask yourself honestly: is he at home turning himself inside out about whether to meet up with you, and ruminating over the future and nature of your relationship?

Of COURSE he isn’t ( sorry :( ) He is casting his net around to see what he can bring home - not necessarily sex, but company, admiration, entertainment, feeling worthwhile and wanted and sought after: I’m sorry if that sounds brutal, but I’m 99% sure it’s the truth.

Take control of yourself.

He ghosted you. You owe him nothing.

You do know if you go it will only be a matter of time until he dicks you around again.

You need to also think 'at least I know now' - you know he's a bit of a dick, you know there's no future with him. In future years (if you hadn't given in) you'd have always wondered, he'd have been the one that got away, the one who might have been 'the one'. Now you know he's just a dick like so many others.

Rape is a crime.

If someone has been raped or sexually assaulted, I would advise them to speak to a professional support service for women before deciding what to do and to get support.

Basically he wants to have sex and then go off and do his thing.

It’s so much easier when you go out with a guy who keeps his word and it is clear he wants to be in touch and see you. Otherwise, it’s a climate of hope and uncertainty, highs and lows and it’s addictive, but damaging.

You just need to decide what you want. Whilst you are expending emotional energy on this push-pull guy, you are stopping yourself moving on and doing other things and meeting other people.

I'd reply to say 'Is dip in the sea code for dip in the sea followed by sex at your house'

That then gives him the chance to admit it is and then from there you can decide if thats what you are looking for and if its not you walk away.
It's calling home out without calling him out directly.

Alternatively dont reply, move on and realise he isn't the one for you

OP it doesn’t actually sound like he’s ghosted you as he is suggesting you meet and seems to have suggested it before? Maybe go and be honest and ask where his head is at?

Not sure why a weird comment,guess shd b a different thread 🤔 call out someone who used you? Apologies if doesn't fit this conversation.

No he didn’t in the end, but I know is being secretive or compartmentalised or else I’ve just had it with men.

Another text this evening….

I can’t see where he’s done any more than try to meet up?

What did the last text say?

Maybe just ask what his intentions are? And decide if you trust what he is saying and whether it is what you want?

Okay I have a little plan. I shall report back ;)

Yes, please do. (Edited to all, only if you feel comfortable with it, of course)

I am still chatting with mine and that is as far as it will go now, it’s the friend zone (although there is still a part of me which thinks, but is it? Is he going to come back around? But I cannot see how we would navigate that now and I don’t know if I would want to, even though I still care about him). It seems to be the equilibrium we have landed in between the push and pull.

But anyway, you are clearly still at a different place and it would be interesting to know where yours thinks you will land, although as I say what you want matters more.

@Liftmyselfupagain it sounds like classic bread crumbing , giving you just enough crumbs to keep you invested .. don’t let him keep his foot in the door . Slam it shut!